I THINK the divorce is busted?!!! NOW what?/

[inmyplace]

Tree,

Well, yes, I have been known to rant, but don't know if you have heard - there has been a kinder, gentler IMP in the neighborhood!

And yes, I would find it hard to believe that you would allow yourself to hag out. Your H has it too damn good!!!

And you go girl with the shopping! I found even for those of us of the male persuasion shopping is a good thing, especially now that I can buy off the rack of any department store whose name doesn't end with "BIG and Tall"!!!! Silk boxers, is that what we get!

IMP

[ May 01, 2002, 03:11 PM: Message edited by: inmyplace ]

[Wilma]

Tree, get yourself some hot pink shoes and paint your toes to match! And instead of murder mysteries, how about romance novels? I'll bet you've got a million stories!

wilma

[ANS]

quote:Originally posted by treesa2:

There are days when I still sound and feel like a total newbie desperate for something that will work.

Do you remember the days before the bomb? All ya had to do was go with the flow - secure in the knowledge that your R was bullet proof.

Why did that serenity have to change into desparation? Even more to the point, how do you get the serenity back?

Rhetorical questions, tree. I don't expect an answer from you or anyone else.

But I think it's possible to get it back.

Wanna race?

Andy

[FS]

One day I check and nothing new, and the next - BAM, the world has turned upside down! Wow - lots of good posts for you...I agree - the dinner thing is only dinner. Doesn't happen every week (like with some people I know! ). And trying to stop him from going...is like telling your teens to stop talking on the phone...just gets worse. Why start?

Hope you had a good day - did you do something different with the do? Maybe some spikes?

[Zebra]

God this must be making you nutbar.

Hold on babe, ride it out. You will prevail, and things will be fine. Too bad you will be away on biz, cuz if you were home you could just "go out with friends", and get home after him.

It will be fine, you will too. You know what to do, so do it.

z

[Me2]

Howdy-

While I do agree with everything y'all have said, there is one thing you might want to consider....gonna sound strange...but here goes....

What about his feelings? You say the pseudo-EA-more aptly termed FC is over, right? At his own admission? So...perhaps a good way to give him the subtle hint that this 'sorta-kinda' bothers you is to ask him how HE feels about it (this is of course toning it WAY down from the way you actually feel). I know you are not ready for a big BIG OR talk, but maybe y'all two could sit down over a glass (or 2) of wine and have a nice 'chat' about it. Just ask him if he thinks he'll find it strange to be around those 2 women....and I dunno-maybe say something like 'gee honey I wish I could be there to support you' or 'gee honey I bet this will be weird for you'...or something like that.

I think it will let him know you are thinking about it, and while you do not want him to know that you're actually freaking out about it (green-red and all those other colors), it will at least put it in his mind that you are AWARE-and certainly NOT jealous....of course not.....as if!!!

BUT-I think if you put it in the perspective of
'concern for him and his feelings' it will do you better than telling him outright that YOU'RE the one feeling weird.

Just a thought....what do the rest of y'all think?

L

[Zebra]

Uh, tree, maybe Me2 has a point... (and on top, so that counts!!)

I'm a wimp when it comes to this kind of confrontation, but if it has to be done (and sometime I believe it does) this is a good way to consider it.

Ducking and.... well you know....

z

[ May 04, 2002, 09:39 PM: Message edited by: Zebra ]

[treesa2]

hey Zed and Me... it's been awhile.
Hmmm empathasiing has its points that's for sure.

To be honest.... I DON'T know for sure that his feelings for the FC have disappeared or if he's jus buried them. For all I know the "friend" confidant could be working to throw them together. I know..... assumption!
Having said that the idea Me proposes ain't half bad.

Had two birthday parties yesterday. The little one knew what she wanted to do, as did the older one. Many thought I was completely gone round the bend but they pretty much ran themseslves. Mom just shelled out the bucks H did his share! They are both happy.

Off to the east today. Will send H email while away.

Thanks again for keeping me on the straight & narrow.
good week all!
tree

[inmyplace]

Tree,

Time to get back to earth. As for confidant working to get them together, what does that matter. If that were the case, it would have happened already, IMO. Obviously, H may still have feeling for FC, but then there is nothing you can do about it. And in all honesty (and again IMO), FC has zero interest in him.

In regards to me's idea it is good and well intentioned, but watch it. It seems like more of the same. You have been quite passive throughout all of this. My W wrote me a few notes notes. I read them. She never followed them up. What is your strategy after that? What do you do when your H ignores them? Only once in my marriage can I think of a time when the W said, ok pal, enough of that shit. It was the only time I listened. Well, I did listen one other time. Of course, this was after she left me.

It is obvious that you are unhappy with the way things are going. But your H is also unhappy. Why is he so unhappy? He has an excellent wife and great kids. It goes beyond you. The real problem is himself. This is something that I have an idea from my life. I was with a woman that was my dream. Why couldn't I be happy with her? It is simple. I wasn't happy with myself.

IMP

[Me2]

Tree-

2 birthday parties in one day?! You're a braver woman than I...I wimped out and took the oldest son to Chuck-E-Cheese for his 7th a week ago...

At any rate, I agree with IMP in that even bringing it up the way I suggested may be too way off from what y'alls norm is right now. You just have to weigh your odds for and against. I'm the type that can't keep my mouth shut (as y'all well know, huh!!) but I have learned that certain phraseology allows me to put a bit different spin on something that makes it less 'attack mode'....know what I mean? It's all in my tone of voice, the way I say things-not really what I say, but how I say it. It's helped a great deal and allowed me to still bring up the difficult issues (that I just can NOT keep quiet about) but it doesn't put H on the defensive so easily.

Does any of this make sense?

Ultimately you will have to decide...I think you already have actually....

Have a good trip-

L

p.s. I was on TOP, I was on TOP, I was on TOP, for my last post!!!! Yipee for me!!! (I like it on top.......quite a view)



oh, p.p.s. I really don't think your H's friend is trying to 'get them together'....that would be a really crappy thing to do....she would never have the nerve....or at least she better not.