I THINK the divorce is busted?!!! NOW what?/

[treesa2]

It's interesting what the kids observe isn't it?

Our oldest regularly says things to my husband about how he does or does not treat me. Things like "oh wow dad you're actually TOUCHING mom!!! Woo-hoo! It's about time!" Or when I am leaving on a trip she'll say things like "c'mon dad... kiss your wife.. what's wrong with you. Mom's going away for a weekend and you are like shaking her hand!" It's kind of funny and it proves my point to him that they do need see things and notice what is going on or not going on.

Point being - I guess that we need to be careful around our kids about all this stuff. What they see, what they assume, and what they don't see. They are usually smarter than the average bears too. How we make sure we don't put our kids between our Rs is the tough part isn't it!


tree

[ANS]

For me, the tough part was seeing it. My kids don't express their concerns about how I'm feeling to me. They go to W. So, what I hear is W telling me that if we were ever to D, she knows who S#1 would side with.

HUH? Where did that come from???????

From S#1. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!

[bluedogg]

'allo treesa and friends.....no intelligent comments for me to make here, though I agree the kids are pretty sharp. Always interesting to hear their version of the events at hand, they'll say things that wise adults fear to say.......

See ya later................BLUE

[darmar]

Ha Ha ha , my oldest (7) said the other night she wished tha twe could move to a place with no barracks or houses to rent so that blah blah blah...
Sharp!
BTW Tree I can't afford to buy lobster wew will have my pal supply it and the scallops!

[treesa2]

So here's the thing... it's those little comments that make we wonder WTF is going on in his head and we MUST be headed for "together forever land" but ... like... will he tell me directly? I am probably doing ALL those things I tell others not to do... but ah well..

One day we were talking about work and H mentions how nice it would be to go work in another country. I say "Let's do it before kids don't want to go. It would be great for them too." H says... "forget the kids... they'll be long gone to university when we head out of here..."

ok... just the two of us... interesting...

Then a day or two ago... We were having a barf-fest in the house ... kids are sick upchucking. I have bad gag reflex I don't clean up... that's a dad job. So oldest one has puked all over bathroom floor, H is not home, I try to tidy up and end up running out of the bathroom next to puking myself. H comes home, I sheepishly admit to leaving clean up to him ( truly I can't do it!) and he says ... "Ya know darlin this just doesn't bode well for my old age does it!"

Now... I nearly zinged him by saing I'd trade him in on a younger model long before he got to that state... and bit my tongue realzing what bad DB it is and HOW that's nearly what he did to me. SO I just shot back.. PAID HELP from the old age security cheques will do barf brigade . He kind of snickers and goes away in disgust to clean up the yuck. Whatta guy!

H mentions he wants to see the Time Machine... ok... how about tomorrow night. He doesn't answer, but I can tell he's thinking about it. Much depends on the state of barf at the house I guess...

It's these pathetic little things that we think are messages... ARE they?

I am going to visit my very ill mom this weekend, then another week away on business. H sighs... he likes my mom I think most days, and is in big denial about both our moms and their state of health. His mom is 10 years older than mine too. Keep working on these positives even though for the most part... there is no real showing of feelings or emotions.

Keep on keepin on!
tree

[ANS]

Of course they're messages, tree. They're the kinds of messages that we get and ignore all the time

But not anymore, eh?

Seems like we all get to a place where we take these messages for granted and our spouses feel taken for granted. But we don't want to do that anymore, do we?

Nope. I don't think it's pathetic. It's sensitive.

Sorry, I forgot about your mom. Hope she's doing OK.

Andy

[Phoenix]

Oh TrEE, you're suddenly giving up the silent treatment? Say it ain't so. Must have been about the time I ran out of gumption to talk. But I do get what you're saying.

But what REALLY made me laugh was the request for spring water or some other saintly beverage. Perfect hostess you oblige but all I could think was...you'd just try to get me to drink more hairspray and smoke menthols. And then, when I was passed out you'd cut and dye me! I KNOW YOU WOULD!!!

You guys are cute. You have been for quite a while. I'm always telling people they need to track your butt down cause you got the moves.

I think your divorce (what divorce?) has been busted for a while. Excellent for ya. And yep, DB da teens. Hell, DB the checkout girl at KMart...wherever it applies.

Gotta fly now. Chillin Killian's (sp) for tomorrow...

[lily]

Treesa,

Those little messages.

My H will be out-of-town all week on business.

This morning he and I talked about a proposed trip to Florida. It would be the first time in 22 years that I would close my daycare and it was hard to believe that H was serious when he would mention going down there. He tooked out the Day-Timer, blocked out 2 weeks (after asking my imput on the dates) then CALLED my sister to lock it in w her schedule. While on the phone w her, he brought up the subject of the property next to hers. We'd looked at it in Feb but I thought he was just shootin' the breeze about it. On the phone he mentioned to her that maybe we'll be able to look at some more property; we're serious about retiring there. Oh my God! That's 12 years from now; he's definitely talking about a future WITH me. To my elder sister, at that!

Mind you, he could not say to me that he loves me but this was a tangible indication that he is working on the R.

Andy suggested I hang my hat over on this forum. I'm starting to feel balanced and secure in our M. I gotta come up w my new db goals for this rebuilding phase though.

I've decided that I have covered all that I needed to say/ all that H willinly can say via the R talks. I'm planning to put them on hold for awhile OR deal w whatever H might need to share.

I feel like I did my personal forgiveness of the OW and that was really important to my sense of healing. I thought about buying a rose, snipping one of the thorns off it and sending her the thorn to symbolize that she was no longer a thorn in my side. LOL.

Anyways. . .I enjoy reading your boast and listning to your advice.

You know how you've encouraged buying new lingerie? I'm revamping my stuff now but am doing it a little differently and a little at a time. First, I very quietly, one piece at a time, replaced all my H's underwear. A couple of 'not his style' shirts are mysteriously losing buttons due to loose threads. I figure by the Florida vacation to have removed all the clothing he might have worn while around the OW. Then I'm going to Victoria's Secret!

[treesa2]

So how long have I been at this now .... um bomb was November 2000 and it's now March 02... sigh... and I finally had a 'real kiss" in the vertical position! Took 16 months!

But it was real.. I was heading home to see my mom ( who is not going to get much better It was a tough visit.) and with my low expectations I went to give him a hug good bye as he dropped me off at the airport. I figured he'd do his kiss on the cheek thing and wow... didn't he just lay one on me. A real kiss. It was wonderful. And sincere I believe.
Well you should have seen the dumb ass look on my face as I floated to the check in counter. I could have flown home without the plane the way I felt.
It hasn't happend again since I've come home. But I can only pray it will again!

So... talk about slowlee slowlee.
But then ARGH he annoys the hell out of me, cuz our dial up access isn't working ( for the home computer) and he won't use the 800 line to call and figure out what is wrong. He wants me to do it in the day time on my lunch hour. I say... call now is't 24/7 help! naw... you do it he says... This is a man who knows how to build a house from the ground up, but using a telephone is not something he likes doing... so I did get a tad cranky... but so did he and neither of us got our knickers in a knot ... so... love and strife all in a week! Hey maybe we're heading back to some normalcy... whatever that is! Right Fee?!

Lily... sounds like things are going slowlee slowlee back on track with you too. Just keep at it. He's coming around isn't he!

tree
still shovelling!

[ March 21, 2002, 11:14 PM: Message edited by: treesa2 ]

[Phoenix]

TrEE, what did he turn into?



You know, I think they could do a cable access show on you guys. I bet it would get good ratings.

I didn't get to catch the whole Oprah but I did manage to write down the main book title & author. The Unfinished Marriage by Joan Anderson. Thanks for the head's up. I got a renewal offer for the gift subscription to O and I'm gonna renew it.

And thanks for the peek into my thread. I don't mind my words being thrown back at me...heck, that's what I need!

So, you go back to whatever sublime thing you're up to. I bought a new Oster stand mixer that was less than 1/2 $ and more power than the Kitchenade I had my eye on (an extra bowl too). Dying to try divinity with it. Maybe I'll start with scones...