It's 1 thing to talk to yourself, it's another to have entire conversations that last for an hour or more.
Last night was exhausting. I went and got the stuff for my car so BF can do my oil change, oil filter change, PVC change, air filter change, and brake and rotor change.
SD was in a mood yesterday. He doesn't know what he wants to do with the house. He has plans, he doesn't want to do them, he doesn't want the house because it was for "them", but he can't sell it as it is, he doesn't know if he wants to sell it. He doesn't know why he couldn't provide for my mom. He had been drinking when I came home and it showed. Then he was blasting music VERY loud. He was going on and on and slurring. Then at 11 pm when I thought he was getting ready to go to bed/pass out - he goes out. He keeps saying how he'll never find anyone, no one will want him, he doesn't want anyone, etc. He keeps talking about 1 year coming up. It's hard since I'm trying hard not to focus on the 1 year stuff coming up and he's trying hard to point out his 1 year ago's.
Tiring day today. I have to drive to my mom's after work. Drive her back up to the hospital where her fiancee is having angioplasty. They have no idea how long it will take, what will happen, if he'll get released today or anything. Anyway, I'll drive her back to the hospital, then I'll stop at the bar for a much needed drink or two.
Then tomorrow me and BF's mom are going out to my mom's. The "Modular home association" she lives in is having their annual garage sale. Despite the stuff going on with her own health and her fiancee's, my mom wants to try to sell stuff. And since she doesn't know if her fiancee will be there or if he'll be coming home tomorrow - she asked me and Bf's mom to come out there for a little while. So, 9am we'll be on our way. BF will take my car to work on. We already agreed tomorrow night we'll do something cheap and relaxing. Maybe the drive in. I'm going to sleep all day Sunday - I don't think I have anything going on.
I cannot wait until next weekend. I'll have to have my mom watch the dog. I have to sleep over at BF's since we'll be leaving by 4am Saturday. Then it's all day at the amusement park for 2 days and then the Zoo! I think I'm more excited about the zoo than anything.
I'm so tired. Need coffee, need vacation
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
I left a message for XH at his house (since I've left messages at his work previously) to ask when he wants to get his basketball/football/baseball cards. I can drop them off or he can pick them up.
He actually called me back. He explained that he's been working 12 hour days and he appologized for not calling back and being a jerk. (?) I asked if/when he was going to make the transfer, he said probably today. I asked when he wanted to pick up the cards or if he wanted me to drop them off. He said he planned to visit his mom Monday unless I wanted to drop them off sooner. I explained I would be out that way today and tomorrow. So we arranged that I will get the cards from my mom's today and drop off the cards tomorrow before I go to my mom's. I'll go to his work to drop them off. He asked about me and work and SD and the dog. I asked about him, his mom and his sister. And I was good and ended the conversation first. He asked a few times if I was alright and if everything was ok. Not sure if he had heard something that made him worry or if he didn't have anything else to say/talk about or he was trying to get more info or what? Oh well.
I'm getting more and more excited for this trip next weekend. The zoo had manatees!!! They have a safari area, gorillas, rhinos, polar bears, elephants - looking at the map, I'm just so excited. BF says I'm worse than a child. But he knows my love of animals, so he thinks it's cute.
Have to focus. Also excited for the garage sale at mom's tomorrow. Maybe make a few dollars and walk around and maybe get some stuff for me.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Starting to be weirded out now - XH just sent an email -
Quote: Love the Elvis website. Cool picture. You should put a picture of him in his play stance. That would be funny!
Thanks for the b-day wish.
My fault for being a jerk. Sorry
I had sent him a link to the website I created for the dog on Dogster.com. I replied that I don't have any play stance pictures, but if I get one I might put it up. I said I do hope he had a good birthday. And I understand, thanks.
He returns my call and returns my email all in 1 day. Wierd. And he actually sets up a meeting to get his stuff. Good/bad - don't care much. I guess that's a good thing for me. Happy to finally settle everything, get his name of the bank account so I can make changes. Happy to not have to worry about having any more of his stuff.
I'm also proud of myself, for getting to a point where I am more happy and more at peace. I can look at SD and I'm glad that I'm no longer like that, no longer having those thoughts. I feel bad that he's still there, but there is nothing I can say or do to help him. He doesn't want any sort of help anyways.
I watched the finale of That 70's show (only seen part of it since SD was having diarrhea of the mouth) - but seen the end where Eric comes back and him and Donna are together. ::Tear:: Watched the finale of Will and Grace. :: another tear:: They made me think, the characters in the show were talking about Destiny and that it's something that young people believe in - but they ultimately believed all along. hmmm. Then watched the finale of ER - wow, can't wait till next season. This show I've watched on and off, following various story lines over the years. Some good ones going on now, good cliffhangers.
Just read that the new CW network cancelled Everwood for an extra season of 7th Heaven! Oh so very wrong. Can't wait for Grey's Anatomy to come back next season. Incredible show! REALLY can't wait for this Sunday's finale of Charmed and Desperate Housewives and the ultimate season finale Wednesday with Lost. 2 hours. So mysterious and addictive.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
It's 1 thing to talk to yourself, it's another to have entire conversations that last for an hour or more.
You're right. I wish he would go to alco. anonymous or something. He would find a group of supportive people there, and possibly put a stop to his downward spiral!
I'm proud of how you handled things with your ex! Good job!
Yeah, that's why I am scared/concerned for him. I do wish he'd get help, many people do - but he doesn't think he has a problem. Because his mom told him and she believes that you can't be an alcoholic from beer. I know it's a bunch of bull - it was one of the major reasons that sort of made my mom pull away. After 15+ years of it. That part, I can understand for her.
Thanks for the positives! I need to treat myself.
Yeah, I was surprised that the Cincinatti Zoo had Manatees - and from the pictures, the exhibits are amazing compared to the Cleveland Zoo. I CANNOT wait! 1 week.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Hi white! I still don't have internet access at SD's, so I can only be here during the work week.
Let's see, Friday was busy and exhausting. I left work, went straight out to my mom's. Traffc was h e double hockey sticks. I had to go through downtown Cleveland. We had a baseball game and a playoff basketball game. Took my stuff for the yardsale. Took her back up to the hosptial. Her fiancee didn't have any blockage, they sent him home same day. I drove back, went to the bar - which was packed because of the aforementioned (sp?) 2 games. I had a burger and 1 drink and I hit the road since I was so tired.
Saturday drove out to my mom's again for the yard sale. On the way to mom's, I stopped at XH's work. I had the dog, so they were both excited to see each other. I gave XH his baseball/football/basketball cards. I let him know that if any are missing, to let me know - because the reason my mom took them from SD's house was that they were all laid out, out of the box 1 time she stopped. She got worried. I also gave XH his Christmas gifts. A book from me and a relgious journal from the dog (because XH had told me before Christmas that he was going to be in charge of an adult Sunday school class and I thought it would be nice place for notes, etc). I also gave him the paperwork for the checking account - told him to fill it out, have it notorized and send it to me. Didn't stay long.
Yard sale was good. Very good. I have plenty of spending money for this coming weekend. And I found a few things for myself - including a better bike frame. Just have to transfer brakes, seat and gears off the bike I got from my grandpa. Mom's fiancee is going to do that, especially since he's off work for a week because of the unneccesary surgery. While I was at the yard sale with my mom and BF's mom, BF worked on my car - oil change and brakes. He even put on my seat covers - I got them for Christmas, but never put them on. As payment, I took him out to eat. Rocky River Brewing company. AWESOME french fries. I had Blueberry beer (very good). Went back to BF's and I fell asleep. Sunday was a lazy day, until around 7pm and I got in an organizing mood. Went through some boxes in the backroom - got rid of some stuff, put empty boxes in the attic, labeled a few boxs to go in the garage. Made some more room in my room. Started to back for this weekend. I have my packing list and my dog's packing list. My mom had the yardsale again on Sunday. I made some more $$. I sold some porcelin dolls I had from when I was little. Sold most of them. Sold some stuff animals that Xh had given me. Some other misc. stuff.
Oh, I forgot - Saturday was my day of settling debts. I gave XH all his stuff (I still have his wedding ring, I put it away in a box along with cards and letters he gave me. He hasn't asked and I'm not going to tell). I paid mom's fiancee back for the loan I took from him. I got my rebate from Dell and I got my refund from Adelphia. Now I don't owe any person anything and no person or company owes me.
Busy week, besides work. Today I have to go to 2 stores after work and make returns/exchanges. Tomorrow I have to go out to my mom's again. I'm going to take my current bike out there and I'm going to pick up the money I made from the yard sale. She's also going to feed me Wednesday, Lost, 2 hour season finale. Thursday will be packing day. Friday I will drop off the dog before I go to work along with all my stuff for the weekend. I will go straight to BF's from work and we will leave asap. Then King's Island Saturday King's Island Sunday and Cincinatti Zoo Monday.
Sometime during this week I have to hook up my computer so I can upload all pictures from my digital camera, so I have plenty of free space to take pictures this weekend. I'm taking 2 disposable cameras for the amusement park. I was going to wear a fanny pack, but Bf made fun of me So I might carry a small backpack purse. That way I can carry sunscreen, chapstick, money, camera. I am so excited.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Oh, I forgot - BF's friend called and he has the money and wants to buy my laptop. This transaction is still pending, but BF told me about it on Saturday. It's a laptop my mom got me for high school graduation, for college. So it is now 7 years old. I don't use it much anymore since I have the desktop. Bf's friend said he'd take it for $200 - which is much more than I could get on ebay or anywhere else for it. So that's another thing I'm going to have to take care of this week.
I also have to make the dog's annual vet appointment. And he needs to be groomed. And I have to run to the bank today.
These posts are becoming my to-do list.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Alright, to add to the craziness that is my week - boss lady offering OverTime. 3 hours. Plus I was talking to her about this weekend - she said no one else has taken off or asked to leave early so I can if I want. I called BF, told him I'll need some help with the dog situation tomorrow and Wednesday. I will work tonight till 6. Then 8-5:30 tomorrow. 8-5:45 Wednesday and Thursday and 8-3 on Friday. Whew.
I cannot wait till Friday. I will get a nice 4 hour nap (I get carsick and if I don't drive, I must sleep). Get to ride roller coasters for 2 days, eat marshmellows since we can make a campfire at the campgrounds, and see tons of animals and get to take tons of pictures.
I'm dancing in my seat - I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm about to loose control and I think I like it! (I'm only singing in my head)
Gotta focus. Gotta focus.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
So I might carry a small backpack purse. That way I can carry sunscreen, chapstick, money, camera. 
