About 4 months ago my wife dropped that bomb that is all to familiar to us here. "I don't love you anymore". I have been very unhappy and I would have moved out a long time ago, but for the kids.
Since then I have been doing everything to make things right, both with myself and with our marriage. About 3 weeks ago, we had our first real breakthough. She admitted she believed that I was serious about working on our marriage and changing myself. She said she wanted to now work on our marriage as well, but she said she still didn't love me and wasn't sure she ever would again. She said that if things didn't work out and that feeling didn't come out, we would still have to go our separate ways.
Taking that breakthrough, and the fact that I now had a support partner in the woman I loved the DBing became much easier. I've learned so much about myself, my wife, and what she wants in a relationship. I've also learned how to give her most of what she wants.
Then yesterday she came home from work and I gave her a hug hello. She pulled down my head and gave me a very passionate kiss. I started to pull away out of surprise (we've been intimate, and we've kissed during this period, but there was never any passion in it on her part until this point), but she grabbed my head and pulled it back down.
After she let the kiss end (about 30 seconds later) I just looked at her. She said "What, you didn't like that?" I said it was absolutely wonderful, but you don't need to do that for me. She said "I did it for me, I love you." and then gave me a huge hug.
I have dreamed about the day I would hear those words from her again, and I was sure I would break down on the spot. To my surprise, my eyes got wet but I was fine. I guess while I was immesurably happy, I knew that if the "other" words had come from her mouth I would have been fine too.
Instead I told her, I am so sorry for putting her through all that, and I promise I would do everything in my power to make sure it never happened again. I also told her that if she ever felt I was regressing that she should hit me over the head with the proverbial frying pan. And if that didn't work, use the real one.
She said, "Oh, you can bet I will!"
Last night was almost as special to me as our wedding night.
I've got to go now. Someone slept in this morning and she's getting breakfast in bed as soon as the bacon is done.
Yup, This is definitely a Kleenex post. I'm so happy for both of you. This is great news. I guess you'll have to change your user name, eh? Frustrated doesn't quite fit anymore. Keep DB'ing and keep posting your great news. Michele
I would guess you are not frustrated any longer. What great news! ! ! Thanks for sharing it with us. I know you are very happy right now and deserve to be. You have shown you are a very loyal and commited husband and your W has seen this. I hope she realizes what a lucky girl she is.
Still there will be some working things out between you. Just relax, take it slow, and above all ENJOY what you have worked so hard for.
WAY TO GO!!!! I know it's been a long journey. Something Exciting happened to me as well too today. W left kids at their Grandma's place while we went to get Easter stuff for the kids. While shopping she decided to pick out some paint to repaint the bedroom!! Then she said we should take it back to my/our house. Things got real intimate - initiated by her. No "I love you's" but I know she must be feeling it by her actions, just not ready to say it yet. I realized later that I hadn't heard it yet, bu tlike you, I'll continue to DB and I have faith that it will happen.
CONGRATULATIONS I think it deserves a big YAAAHHHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Keep it up, and keep those words acomin' - you must be doing something right.
F- I always love to hear success stories! Congrats! How about changing the name to "No Longer F.." Unfrustrated, or Frustrated No More? We'll know you. And do stick around and let us know about the continued progress, OK? No resting on your laurels! Keep DBing!
Ok, so I should no longer call myself Frustrated. How about just Adam?
I've been here for months now, and I've used the same "name" since my first post mainly because my computer autofilled that field for me.
Thank you all so very much for the well wishes, and for all the support over this trying time. I know this isn't easy for any of us.
In return I want to pass along something someone here said - it went SOOO far in giving me strength and helped me truly believe the intimacy wasn't gone from my wife, only masked in hurt and pain. Use it to help you stay focused, and if the situation and timing is right, share it with your GW/GH.
It said while most WAW and GH say they are "no longer in love" and all feelings of intimacy are gone, it is usually not true and can be seen in other daily examples of our lives. For example, my wife - even though she was still angry and distant, would still change or get dressed in front of me. She would also walk in to go to the bathroom while I was in the shower. Those are TRUE intimate moments that people wouldn't share with anyone other than our spouse. While my wife was saying her feelings were gone, those intimate moments never stopped. And that is how I knew deep inside she still cared. If she started changing in a different room, or locking the bathroom door in the morning, (We are both always in and out of there weekday mornings getting ready for work) then I would have begun doubting myself.
I had never thought about that before, but once that was said, it made perfect sense to me, and it made it so easy for me to believe things could get better. And that made the DBing a snap.
Ok, so I should no longer call myself Frustrated. How about just Adam?
I've been here for months now, and I've used the same "name" since my first post mainly because my computer autofilled that field for me.
Thank you all so very much for the well wishes, and for all the support over this trying time. I know this isn't easy for any of us.
In return I want to pass along something someone here said - it went SOOO far in giving me strength and helped me truly believe the intimacy wasn't gone from my wife, only masked in hurt and pain. Use it to help you stay focused, and if the situation and timing is right, share it with your GW/GH.
It said while most WAW and GH say they are "no longer in love" and all feelings of intimacy are gone, it is usually not true and can be seen in other daily examples of our lives. For example, my wife - even though she was still angry and distant, would still change or get dressed in front of me. She would also walk in to go to the bathroom while I was in the shower. Those are TRUE intimate moments that people wouldn't share with anyone other than our spouse. While my wife was saying her feelings were gone, those intimate moments never stopped. And that is how I knew deep inside she still cared. If she started changing in a different room, or locking the bathroom door in the morning, (We are both always in and out of there weekday mornings getting ready for work) then I would have begun doubting myself.
I had never thought about that before, but once that was said, it made perfect sense to me, and it made it so easy for me to believe things could get better. And that made the DBing a snap.
Adam, I am also happy for you!!! I still long for the day when my H will initiate ILU, but at least he is saying it in response again. Those intimate moments are soo true. That is why I take faith and hope when my H will "let" me come into the bathroom while he is showering or change in front of me in the bedroom. He stopped doing all these things when he first decided he wanted to leave me. Now they come and go, but they are happening more frequently.
