Quote: I asked BF about them - he said they are tennis shoes with the wheels that pop in and out.
Hey, I always wanted a pair of those! Why should kids have all the fun??
Cut stepdad some slack - no, he's not perfect, but he stepped up to the plate to help you out at a time you really need it - his assistance is going to enable you to get financial freedom.
Let's talk about the future, shall we? Here's your homework assignments: - get a piece of cardboard and some magazines and glue. Cut out pictures of everything you would like to have in your future. Dream big - put that sailboat, or the Eiffel tower for your European tour, or your horseranch, or whatever, into a collage. Handsome husband, kids, home, career, whatever you dream of. Make the collage and put it in your room where you can see it every day. It will exert a powerful pull, helping to keep you going in the right direction. You can't make a dream come true if it's fuzzy and indistinct.
- second, PLEASE go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of Your Money or Your Life by Dominguez and read it. Really, it's a book that can change your life.
Ellie PS - we gotta work on getting you some girlfriends IRL, too. Your social life is too dependent on BF.
You know, TMW, the pizza thing just brought up some old memories - let me share them with you, as an example of what IS reasonable to expect, even from a broke boyfriend.
I had one boyfriend in college who was a poor graduate student (okay, ALL my boyfriends in college were poor students, but this particular story is about James). He had no car, no money - was one of 13 kids so no help financially from home. But he had a great way of making things happen out of nothing.
Shortly after we met, he found out it was my birthday - and made me a gift of a little stoneware honey-pot he had in his office. (I used it for years, and thought fondly of him every time, even though it was a "second-hand" gift). He almost always showed up at my door with flowers - picked from neighbors' yards on the walk to my house. Our first real "date" was when he invited me to a free concert of Peruvian flute music in one of the dorms on campus - which I still remember as one of the coolest concerts I've ever been to. And he cooked for me at his house - cheap funky hippie food, like a zucchini quiche with grated zucchini (people who grow it in their gardens here give it away for free because it grows too well).
Anyway - it was an ill-fated romance that never really got too far for other reasons (although I carried a torch for him for quite a while). But just thinking about how he didn't use his poverty as an excuse not to woo me, and how special his little gifts and efforts were to me, just makes me realize how much you are missing out on.
Don't make excuses for him. He could pick some flowers from the neighbors yard, bring that pizza over with a $3 bottle of wine, take you out for a walk or make plans to go to some free event on the weekend.
Maybe your SD did not break Prince Charming. Perhaps it broke spontaneously when your prince charming cheated on you. That makes sense.... Ya know, keeping gifts from an ex is sort of iffy in the first place, but once they break, let it go.
His ring? Of course he said he'd hang on to it when you asked him. He was married to you, he couldn't help but know you well enough to know that any other anwswer would hurt your feelings and lead to a big scene from his persepctive. But those rings were promises, promises he broke a long time ago. Throw it in the yard, sell in on ebay (you might get $50) but clearly it no longer represents a promise or bond. Don't take ownership. This is not a new issue... it's just another little peice of the real issue, in which he left you and the marriage. Once he did that, the ring not being important was a given.
I know these incidents sting, I went through many myself. Just remind yourself, these are just little bits of the real issue, which is that he left you. He lied, he cheated, he broke his vows. Once they do that, it's a certainty that you will also find they don't wear a ring, don't keep their ring, have other women, marry other women, yadda yadda yadda. And perhaps if they bought you a Prince Charming statue, then prove they are anything but Prince Charming.... the statue spontaneously breaks. Some women would break it for just that reason. I'd say dump it.
Oh, and on BF? He did not call...so you did? So if he does no work in the R, shows no interest, should you just pick up the slack.
Don't call. If he's in a wreck, someone will contact you. Don't call.
Yeah - sell the ring and buy yourself some rollerblades with the money!!! Two problems solved!!!
Face it - even if exH miraculously came back to you and you miraculously forgave him, you'd want NEW rings for a NEW R anyway, right? So sell that sucker!!!
Oh my. I forgot to even react to the ultra romantic offer of leftover pizza on a Friday night. Quite a charmer, eh? LEFTOVER PIZZA????
And, what's with his lack of even owning his plans for the evening? Obviously HE wants to go to the bar, but he can't say it? He has to say his brother wants to go? That's like if someone asks me what I'm doing next week. "well, my mother wants to go to Portugal". That's not even an answer!!!
Sigh. Leftover pizza. Every woman's dream for date night.
Whitelight says she'd throw Prince Charming away.... well I'd probably break it some more before I threw it away. If it were a statue of a kitten or something, probably not. But for it to be Prince Charming, from the man who pretended to be my own Prince Charming? I'm thinking there would be some additional breakage, even if it meant a few minutes of cleaning up.
Friday stayed home. I forgot my cell phone in the car, around 7:30 or so I went and got it. BF had called, didn't leave a message. I called him, asked what was up. He said him and his brother were going to the bar. Didn't even ask if I wanted to go or anything. Asked if I wanted to come over the next day (saturday) - I said call me, we'll see.
Saturday he called around noon. I went over. He didn't get up to greet me or anything. I didn't make the effort to go to him. I sat in the recliner, he was in the love seat. After a little while he asked me to come over by him. Still no hug, no kiss. He asked what was wrong and I told him - he doesn't call, he doesn't ask about my day & he couldn't even invite me to go to the bar. He didn't say anything. I had to leave for work. I sent him a text message letting him know when my break was - didn't hear from him all night.
Sunday - took the dog for a walk. I called BF to see if him or his mom were home so me and the dog could visit. He said he was on the way to Home Depot to get some cement, but he'd be back in 20 minutes and his mom wasn't home. He called when he was on his way home and the dog and me were still walking so we stopped. BF and his brother were fixing the floor of the garage. He didn't talk much. His mom asked if I wanted to stay for dinner. I declined because SD was doing one of his big cookouts. His mom told me about her plans to buy filet minons for BF's birthday Tuesday. BF also asked if I was staying, when I said no he looked a little upset. Before I left he was playing with the dog - and I looked at him and just said, "We don't seem to have much of a relationship going here"....... no response. I told him to tell his mom not to buy me a steak - that I'd just come over later and give him his birthday gift.
Last night I sent him a text message - "seems u don't care much about "us", so u not just give up. easier to write than say. y is it so easy to give up on me & us"
No response.
Later I logged onto AIM via my cell phone. BF's mom was on. I asked if BF told her not to buy a steak for me for tuesday. She said no, why? I told her cause the price & cause i'm not sure what's going on with me and BF. She said she's not worried about the price & it's only once a year. I told her I'd stop later for cake or whatever to give him his gifts. She said that's ok, but if I change my mind she isn't buying the steaks until tuesday. I told her it depends alot on her son - which hasn't been anything so far. She said he's been quiet. I told her I'm just done and I don't know what else to say or do but give up. She said maybe things will get better. I told her I keep hoping. She said to keep thinking positive. I told her I'll try. Then I logged off.
I just wish I didn't care so much. That my heart wasn't so invested.
SD asked me twice again this weekend if I'll be ok there, at his house.
Borders cut me back, as I asked - I work tonight 6-10 and Saturday 3-11. I asked for 10 hours a week and to work during the day on the weekend, but oh well.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Why should kids have all the fun??
If he's in a wreck, someone will contact you. Don't call. 
