I just caught up here... took a few days off while my Aussie relatives were visiting for Easter, and now my D12 and I are heading to Dallas after lunch for her 3-day volleyball tournament. I'm a little scatterbrained, to say the least.
Anyway, I just want to commend you for setting some positive and worthwhile goals and sharing your positive ruminations. It looks great on you, so keep up the great work!
I'm also related to people who are serious pack rats. I'm not one, so dealing with too much stuff always makes me a little anxious and a little neurotic too. My mom is guilty as charged, and although she's made some head way in her basement, it's still overwhelming.
BTW, this post isn't to tell you what to do... but just stuff to think about. A couple years ago, I was busy watching a marathon of "Clean Sweep" on TLC. Pretty much everyone has issues with stuff, but there was one particular episode that had me glued to the set. The host seemed to be going somewhere, and I was still in the early stages of armchair psychoanalysis, so I was obviously interested in what he was trying to say.
Well, the woman of the house was the pack rat. She kept really insane things... all the socks her adult children wore as babies... seemingly "in case someone else needed them". But as the host asked more questions, it became increasingly obvious that stowing the stuff wasn't to give it away, but to hold on to the past. She kept every single stinking art project her kids ever did... just seeing the myriad boxes of that stuff made my head swim. Her husband was near an emotional breakdown by having all the clutter and remnants of the past around. Finally, Peter went for the jugular.
He told this woman point blank that her obsession with storing the past was interfering with her ability to make memories in the present. I can't tell you how much of a lightbulb moment this became for me, but I suddenly realized that my pack rat relatives are suffering from the same syndrome: glorifying the past to the detriment of the present, thereby affecting the quality of the future.
After this episode concluded, I jumped up and promptly threw away about 75 vinyl record albums... I kept about 15 for nostalgic or other purposes. Within 2 hours, my huge garbage can was filled with relics of the past--many which included marital mementoes that were no longer serving any purpose.
Every so often, I force myself to wonder why I choose to glorify things that are plainly routine... or to live the past in my head with too much fondness or affection. (This is usually brought upon because I'm discontented with my present.) I remember that episode of Clean Sweep, take a mental inventory of my role models, and then I literally propel myself to shake off the past and move forward.
Sometimes it's easier than others, but I see the direct connection between tangible clutter and mental clutter. It clearly illustrates that we manifest our inner thoughts in our exterior worlds. If I weren't heading to Dallas this weekend, I'd now be a little more inclined to do some more tossing.
But since you're on a roll with garage sales and other activities of purging what it no longer needed, I'll leave you to it.
Keep smiling and moving forward. You've got so much life ahead of you and I'm hopeful for your future to be filled with joy and peace.
Hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Regardless of the exact method and order you choose, for paying off your debt, it's awesome to have a plan and know that you can succeed at it. Getting out of debt is way more important than the exact way you go about it!
And I REALLY can't wait to have the garage sale. Well, first I can't wait to go through all my stuff. It's like rediscovering things. Then I'll sell stuff and get some money.
My mom found a doll shop that buys dolls - and I have several porcelin (sp?) dolls that I had in the last garage sale that didn't sell.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Last night I was cleaning in my room. I was going through old medicines, misc. boxes - etc.
First upset was inside a box of toothbrush cleaners (Aquafresh makes tablets you drop in water and put your toothbrush in and cleans it) anyway - XH's wedding ring was in there. He kept his ring in the closet in the bathroom where all this stuff was - so it's not like he was trying to hide it, and it probably just fell in the box. But it hurts me that he never noticed he didn't have it, never asked about it. So now I'm not sure if I should say anything.
Next up - I had a box with misc. pictures, ticket stubs, cards - so I made a seperate box with cards and misc items that were for "us".
Another upset - BF (yeah, what's new?) I called him since he hadn't called me all day. Him and his brother went out on their boat. He didn't have anything to say, didn't ask about my day. I called him later and asked if he was too busy for me. I think he meant last night - I think I meant on a larger scale. He sounded down or something, but said nothing was wrong. I just told him I'd let him go and talk to him tomorrow (today) or something and hung up. No caring words, no interest in what's going on, how's life, how work was -- nothing. Of course when I get upset about things like this - other thoughts and feelings start to come up. Like how he made no effort to get anything for me for Easter, or any anniversaries, or Valentine's day. I know the responses you are all probably going to say/write or are thinking - I know.
But the final upset of the night was this. When I moved into to SD's, I put 2 fragile things up in my closet. A big centerpiece with a special candle from our reception. The other was an expensive figurine XH got me a few years ago from the Disney store of Cinderella and Prince Charming dancing. Well, while I was at the condo during the winter - SD insulated most of the attic. Accessible only through the closet in my room.
Well, last night I thought I'd take those 2 items off the shelf as part of my cleaning effort. Cinderella and Prince Charming's arms on 1 side are broken off. It can probably be fixed and look like crap.
I didn't say anything to SD. I told my mom who said she can try to fix it.
This morning was just sort of an agrivation. Now, last night I got home after SD. He locked himself in his room probably around 10. He had some drinks and I'm pretty darn sure something was smelling skunky. Didn't see or hear from him for the rest of the night. Well this moring I woke up and he was gone already. He drove up on the grass around my car (and the grass is higher than the driveway and he has a full size van).
I sent him a text message that he could have woken me up to move my car or at least ask where my keys were.
His van could have flipped onto my car.
So today, Friday - I'm a bit of a mess.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Quote: But it hurts me that he never noticed he didn't have it, never asked about it. So now I'm not sure if I should say anything.
Well, gosh, TMW, what's he gonna say? "Uh, I'm leaving you for another woman and we're getting divorced, but you know, I seem to have misplaced my wedding ring and I'd really like to take it with me - would you help me look for it???" Rule Number One - don't take alien behavior personally, okay?
Quote: other thoughts and feelings start to come up. Like how he made no effort to get anything for me for Easter, or any anniversaries, or Valentine's day. I know the responses you are all probably going to say/write or are thinking - I know.
Yes - you KNOW you are settling for too little. So quit pursuing him!!! If he isn't stepping up to the plate by getting work and wooing you and making every possible effort to get himself together to the point that you would want to live with him again - well, that tells you something about his (lack of) intentions, doesn't it?
Forward, forward - quit looking in your rear-view mirror or you'll crash off this road!
Stopped on my lunch and got a good chuckle out of that last line.
With Xh - what upsets me is that we had a conversation where we asked each other what the other would do with the ring. He said he was going to hold on to it. Who knows the last time he seen it. Like I said - it was PROBABLY an accident that it was in that box.
Should I just hold on to it? Sell it? Offer it back to him?
I'm not pursuing BF. I don't know if he really realizes how close I am to just giving up on the R completely. It really hurts that I'm not important enough to him for him to put forth any effort - for a job, to woo me, to wow me, to show that he wants this relationship to work & progress.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
I can't believe XH spent so much. My mom thinks it can be fixed, but it will never look same
I'm more upset that SD didn't say anything versus the fact that it got broken.
He was like this with my mom too though. If something of her's got broken or chipped - he would turn the figurine or hide it. His mom did the same thing - when my parents were moving everyone was helping. 1 picture his mom moved was put in a closet - turned out it was broken.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
My knight in rusted aluminum called. Asked if I was coming over to eat. I asked what was being made - and this man o man of mine gratiously told me that there are 4 left over pieces of pizza if I want them. I told him I'd just eat at my stepdad's.
I asked what he was up to. He said nothing. Asked if he had plans for the night and he said his brother wants to go to the bar. I said I had to finish work and call me later or something.
Oh - and my mommy dearest called me all excited. Last night I told her I wanted to get roller blades. She calls me, she went to this discount/closeout store by us and found roller skates for me for only 4.99. She left them at BF's house (remember Bf's mom and her work together and are friends). I asked BF about them - he said they are tennis shoes with the wheels that pop in and out. Thought that counts I guess
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
TMW, Put the figurine, wedding ring, pictures of XH and any other momentos you have from your M in a box. Don't open for 5 years. Trust me, you won't give a rip about any of that stuff by then!!!!
A couple years ago, I was busy watching a marathon of "Clean Sweep" on TLC. Pretty much everyone has issues with stuff, but there was one particular episode that had me glued to the set. The host seemed to be going somewhere, and I was still in the early stages of armchair psychoanalysis, so I was obviously interested in what he was trying to say.
Betsey 
