Quote: Gosh, and it's not like we didn't already KNOW those things! Pam's pretty much an open book in that regard.
HI Ellie,
J didn't realize the things she was posting were things I posted about back when they happened. She started with the van incident and went backwards from there in her posts.
After folks started jumping in then D jumped in rather ugly, defended her and threatened me. I saw another side to him yesterday. Didn't my Cainer cast say look at all the angles? Well, I saw a new one yesterday in D, J wasn't a surprise.
And the Truth Shall Set You Free
So J posted the Truth, D showed me the Truth and I saw it yesterday. It was an emotional but good day for me in the end.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
This must be my week for enlightment in my thinking.
I realized why D posting back during our marriage was probably one of the worst things for me.
That is how our R began, not the friendship but what moved deeper.
Why I thought he was so wonderful and would never have communication problems! He can be very insightful into other people's situations and talk very good logic about it.
That is what he did for me, he even bought me the Mars/Venus book to try and *help* my marriage. I bet anything both of his R's with J started the same way, with him being insightful and helpful to her in her unhappy marriage. Problem is in the end his way of *helping* is for him to become emotionally and physically involved.
So when he was posting that drew me right back into what attracted me to him in the first place, that insightful understanding he seemed to have whenever I talked with him. That led to the feeling of he gets this, he understands, we just need time for us to work through the hurt we have caused one another in our marriage. Work on ourselves. Except D never worked on himself when he was here posting. He just posted helpfully to others and bad about me.
So he can, Talk the Talk, but NOT Walk the Walk!!!
Sorry you guys are getting what should be old news but sad to say it is a new realization for me.
I wonder if that is a part of his seeming attraction to the bb, seeing in and giving advice seems to be something he is drawn to in real life as well? Not often because he used to at least be shy, and 2 he does not invest in other people very often. My guess as to why he has few close friends.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Since this week I'm back into checking my horoscope here is the weekend:
There are not 'two sides to every coin', there are three. The third side is very slim. It's what we call the edge.
It is true that, if you stand a coin on its edge, even if you don't spin it, it will sooner or later land on one of its larger surfaces.
This, though, doesn't devalue that third side. On the contrary, it underlines its importance. Only by getting close to the edge, is it possible to flip it over.
There are three ways to look at what's happening in your life this weekend. Only one point of view, though, will help you to alter the outcome.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I think this latest episode has helped all of us see how desperate these cheaters are to defend their actions. It is kind of amusing when you think about it. It was wonderful to see everyone coming together for you. What a great group of people are on this board.
DB'ers RULE!!!!
God Bless,
havefaith
Last edited by havefaith; 02/17/0601:08 PM.
GOD HEALS HURTING MARRIAGESwww.rejoiceministries.org
You seem in a much better place today. Your STBX did remind me some of D. Not in deep areas because I didn't know him that well but in some definite surface ones. I believe I told him don't be insulted but you remind me of my WAS one time.
I don't talk to him now so no idea how your communication is going but I hope it all goes better than my ex and I managed.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: It was wonderful to see everyone coming together for you. What a great group of people are on this board.
DB'ers RULE!!!!
God Bless, havefaith
You got that right on!!!!!!!!!
I don't think there are any words that can adequately express my appreciation for the people on this board. I can't tell you how many people also contacted me privately. Not like I haven't given out contact info freely over the years. But people I had never talked to before either on IM's or e-mails.
Lots of folks here went through some pretty crazy times with me and my emotions. Awesome people and I have no doubt I would not be where I am today without this bb.
It was a very good feeling to see the support and the telling it as they see it from the dbers. I think because out in the world and what they deal with no one cares if they had an affair and treated the wife pretty shabby. I am not sure J expected the lash back from the bb. D I would think should have known what to expect as his thread went pretty wild when his affair became known for sure on the bb.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
