You are a lucky guy! You can sit down once a week and talk about your R? That would sure be ohsowonderful! How did you get agreement to that? That is so great you can do that, and you're smart to keep it short and focused. Good job!
Thanks for your enouraging words. You're exactly right on, can my H recommit and swallow his pride? I hope so, and if/when he comes around I'll sure try not to jam it down his throat! But my H is a man of cold steel when his defense is up. That means my pressure will have to be to turn up the flame on the torch and burn my way thru a little at a time.....
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I think if there is anyone up to the challenge, you are. During the time that I have been following your thread I have seen some incredible persistence. As I go along this road of trials, I remind myself that like many others here that come out on the other side, she will be thankfull for what I am doing/have done.
Tonight went fairly well, we did an activity with the kids tonight that she would have never suggested or accepted doing a year ago (family pictures). The emotions and sentiment would have been salt on the wounds. In fact I had to catch my emotion so I could stay "as if". For me it was a good move, since I finally got a clear vision of why I married W. A lot of time and history together, nothing to throw away. This was something we all needed.
Thank you for your vote of confidence. Persistence, yes, there has been much of that. I hope that isn't viewed by my H as pesty.
It is SO encouraging to hear your progress. From year to year you look and see the changes, that is 'being in it for the long haul'. You are exactly right, it is nothing to throw away. Why do some people think marriage should be so disposable?
Hope your pics are a family treasure!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Made it past another major holiday without spilling the beans to In-laws about this whole experience. I could not tell you how much I wanted to say "hey if this doesn't work out with your D, I will bring the kids by once a year to see you". That should of opened up the discussion at the dinner table yesterday. I controlled my self and the story, as we know it, continues.
What is really burning my shorts right now is how W is making plans for the family, long-term, yet seems to be putting very little into improving our sitch. The wall is up and not coming down any time soon. If she would put as much into me as she does into just about any other endevor, we would be doing fine.
Isn't it so tempting to want to spill the beans? But what would it accomplish...would I feel any better? No, and I think part of the reason H is still around is because very few people know what is really going on and if I keep it that way then it will be HIM that has to answer everyones questions if he walks.
Let that pair burn and get some new ones. Long term plans for the whole family, that includes you, and that is sooooo good! Sure, wish for more, but don't forget to look at how good some things are now.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I am still trying to figure out exactly if W sees this as a build and move forward R or an exist and hang on for now R. As of yet I have not gotten any sign, commitment or statement either way. What has blown me away is some of her comments about other peoples (relatives) R, along the lines of them needing to get their act together and do the right thing. (WT*!)
Hopefully tonight we'll sit down and have our weekly R talk.
Didn't happen. Schedule this time of year has been a bear. Last night both of us were sick. W fell asleep on the couch, which doesn't happen often. Hopefully sometime this weekend we will have talk. Been brushing up on technique.
I've been following your thread. My heart goes out to you. Perhaps a little lovingly detachment is in line. Yes, that trust issue is a big problem, but it will come with time and work. Re-focus on your self development, don't dwell on things you can't control. There's a lot of us out here watching and cheering for you. My challenge is to work on the "as if" also and not let it look like "don't give a __". (Refocus on upbeat attitude).
Thanks Phoenix, I think I figured out some stuff on my way home from town tonight. Check out my new thread Hanging on/The Long Haul.
Act as if without looking like 'I don't care' is tough, isn't it? I wallow back and forth with this all the time. I think the key is to act as if while acting lovingly but staying detached while giving space and keeping yourself balanced. Should be a snap, huh?
IMO, if you and W are used to having R talks, don't let them slide. Take and Make the time. I understand that when you're sick isn't a good time, just don't find reasons to put it off.
What kind of brush do you use on Technique?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
That means my pressure will have to be to turn up the flame on the torch and burn my way thru a little at a time.....
My challenge is to work on the "as if" also and not let it look like "don't give a __". (Refocus on upbeat attitude).
