Had a nice long breakfast with Gonna Be Okay while in the Bay Area last weekend. She says hi to all, promises she will post an update sometime. She looks good, is dating a really nice guy. Her H, meanwhile, is pulling a lot of the usual divorce craziness - doesn't want to pay what he will have to pay (California is a pretty cut-and-dried no-fault community property state - child support is by formula, property is split, and spousal support is pretty standard for a long marriage with a long-time SAHM.)
He is sending her lists of mutual belongings that include items she owned before the marriage that are family heirlooms of no financial worth at all, listing furniture a friend lent to her after he moved out to replace furniture he took, etc. And the kids report that they hear him and OW fighting at night in the kitchen after they go to bed. Anyone want to take bets that he'll drag out the divorce in order to avoid marrying the OW?
GBO's in a good place, though, able to step back from his craziness and still see the depression underneath it all. Meanwhile enjoying her new life with a nice guy who ISN'T depressed, no walking on eggshells with him. At peace that she did everything she could to try to save her marriage. And leaving everything else in the hands of her very capable divorce attorney.
Afterwards I went to Berkeley to visit with S18 for parents weekend. Is it a good sign that he really wasn't all that anxious to see us??? At least I know he's not homesick or lonely!
We went to the movies with him to see Serenity - what a hoot! Think back to the first time you saw Star Wars - only funnier, with better dialogue and acting. Definitely a must-see.
S18 is still his goofy self (I think H thought he would be miraculously matured in a month!) but seems to be doing okay, that's all I ask at this point.
Thanks for the update on GonnabeOK. Good for her for getting spousal support. I can dream on!
It's always bitter sweet when our kids reach new milestones that signal their diminishing dependence on us, isn't it? Bizarrely, I can remember feeling slightly miffed when D's first tooth appeared, no more little toothless grin!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I'm glad S19 is still living here for now. He's in that in-between phase where he's still a teen, but becoming a man, and it is so hard to know when to let loose and when to hold on. I can't imagine him leaving to go away to college. That would have been very hard for me.
He's talking about moving in with his GF and a friend for 6 months (long story that I'll have to post). I've already expressed my opinion about it. But I have to let him make his own choices, pray he succeeds, and be there to hug him and pick him up if he falls flat on his face.
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Quote: He's in that in-between phase where he's still a teen, but becoming a man, and it is so hard to know when to let loose and when to hold on.
Yeah - although S18 is still very much a teen, so in a way it was easier to let go of him (that, and the fact that he'd still let me tie his shoe laces if I'd do it - this is one baby bird who NEEDED to be pushed out of the nest! ). He's easy, though, because my biggest worries about him are whether he will manage his time well and get to sleep early enough to not miss his classes. I'm not worried about him drinking or doing drugs (he doesn't) or getting some girl pregnant (he'd have to ask one on a date first!). He doesn't even have a car there, so that's not a worry. I guess my years to worry about him are still ahead of me, huh?
Got a postcard from Hawaii yesterday, from my XSIL. This was the third wife of my older brother, who dumped her just before my H dropped the bomb on me. I didn't know about DBing at the time, and told her frankly that he had treated her badly for years, she deserved better, and this was a pattern with him. She really loved my brother, but as her friends urged her the same, she started dating again, and right off the bat met a nice guy who incidentally happens to be wealthy (not the attraction for her, but a nice bonus!).
Now, three years later, my brother's girlfriend (OW or not, we're not sure) has dropped him, the divorce is settled (he was shocked! that she didn't just roll over like his previous two wives and actually wanted her fair share of their assets)and XSIL is still with the nice, wealthy guy. She sent me a postcard from Kauai, where they were vacationing, and had just bought a place in Princeville to be used as a future retirement home.
I'm glad for her, that things are going well for her, and sorry for my brother, but not too sorry, that he is in a hell of his own making.
Well, I finally spoke with D's friend's parents about what I think is their D's medical condition and the talk went well. I hope this will help her get the treatment she needs (she has PCOS, I'm sure of it). She's a sweet girl, and I know her life will be better once this gets under control.
Just curious about what the physical signs were that your daughter's friend was showing. My 18 yr old D is also very obese. It is mainly around her middle. At the risk of sounding crude, it looks as if she has an "inner tube" around her waist. She has dieted before and has been able to drop 20 lbs. but within a month's time, it ballooned back plus some. All of this was in the middle of her actively playing softball. She's 5' 3" and weighs approx. 215. I'm very concerned about her weight. I have taken her to an endocrinologist and they found nothing. Very curious about what hyperinsulinemia and PCOS is.
Also, so glad to hear about GBO. I do wish she were still posting. I got so much wisdom from her and still get lots from you as I read these posts and keep up with you guys. It helps me to try to keep my life in perspective. Just knowing that I'm not the only one that has marital difficulties is a help.
Great to hear that your son is doing well with college. I know you are so proud of him.
I DO think you were right to speak with your D's friend's parents. I know I would appreciate it if I were in that same situation.
Bizarrely, I can remember feeling slightly miffed when D's first tooth appeared, no more little toothless grin! 