Happy, No you are not the only one that feels this way. In my sitch, I tolerated and forgave my STBX for a lot of crap that I would not normally do because he was grieving the loss of his mother and grand-mom.
The only thing I am grateful for is that the rat-bastard left our home before he started 'dating'. About 3 months after left me, we had dinner and he told me he wanted to start dating other women. WTF? I realize now that was the beginning of the end for us.
Then I found out that he was telling people that I put him out! Still I said nothing and tried to be the better person. He was the one that got an apartment and moved out without telling me. When I finally confronted him, he told me it was all my fault. Talk about re-writing history. Cheryl
Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.
Shakespeare
Happy, No it would not be fair for the boys to have to give up Christmas for Bethie. Now me, I am different story all together and I am sure the boys would not mind.
Enjoy Vegas, just don't end up on Girls gone Wild! Cheryl
Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.
Shakespeare
Wow, what a suprise to hear from Ms. Pammie. I hope you're doing well Pammie and that your treatment is moving forward at a fast pace.
I know I should post it on MLC but I don't think the people I've read about there would take off their rose colored glasses long enough to listen.
I wish I had way back when, but we each have to follow this path on our own - with the help of this forum. I never did join up there at MLC because frankly, he was never coming back and I knew it. I knew I'd never believe him or in him again and I wasn't willing to walk on eggshells and keep my mouth shut for the rest of my life.
So good to hear from you Pammie! I hope all is well.
Cheryl, you're so funny. I think that if we ever lose our sense of humor all would be lost.
I tolerated my H's stuff for let's see, 9 months - that's it. That was all I was willing to give up without him even trying or wanting me to. After he moved out and made it clear he wanted the D and continued to see his redneck woman, I said fine, whatever you want H, EXCEPT you can't have everything we worked for - I get half. You didn't break my heart THAT much. You're right, at least yours waited, mine did not. I'm still amazed I wanted him back after that. Yuuuuuck.
lol, I have to laugh..............MLC, yeah maybe for alittle while but years and years. I don't think so, never have, that's why I always said I was a terrible DBer.
I mean come on, they know what they've done, and what they're doing, it's just to hard for them to work at fixing the mess they made. It's much easier to keep running and not facing everything.
These people are born with some kind of personality defect and it's just how they're made.
My Ex was born spoiled...............and he still is. It's all about him no matter what the expense is.
Happy! Hurray!! Perfectly said! As a lot of things, MLC has been blown out of proportion! yes we all go through some "changes" at certain ages but like you have all said, it is NOT a get out of jail free card to do whatever you want, when you want with who you want and think that your family/friends/society will validate and pat your lil head and tell you its ok. its mlc. plettch
Someone just today on the mlc board stated how its not their fault there mind is all askew, pleaseee theres a point! You are so right Happy I gave my H 6 months to rethink what he did, I loved him enough to give him a chance to redeem himself, he didnt. I started to slowly change my mindset about the whole mlc thing.
** Karen **
** Be happy for this moment, this moment is your life **
Well I have to tell ya, I do believe in MLC. I asked some time ago why some people can buy a motorcycle or sportscar and get through their crisis and others freak out like our spouses. I was told that the more a person has been damaged, the worse the crisis will be. I can see it so clearly with my Peter Pan.
Right from the beginning our counselor said that Husband had never individuated. I had never even heard that word so I had no idea what the hell it meant. All it really means is that they never grew up and I believe that they are trying to make up for it now, because they're going to die (soon very soon) and they don't have much time left. Did you people forget about this part of the story? Didn't your spouse tell you this story at nauseum? sheesh.
I'm not making excuses. I believe they really are just nuts, plain and simple, but I also believe they are nuts in a great deal of pain!
I hear what your saying and also agree, but there's a big difference in feeling sorry for them and reality to protect one's self.
I do feel sorry for my NUT, he has lost alot (his family)but like alot of others I was more then willing to forgive, try again, and that still wasn't enough.
There is nothing that we can do that would ever be enough. They have to do all of the work. They are running from themselves, plain and simple.
Of course we do have to separate practicality from feelings. We have to be responsible to ourselves, and that means taking care of ourselves finacially. Time to stand up and say enough. They may be able to take themselves out of our lives but they still owe us.
I know that we are going to be ok. We are the lucky ones!
I would never want to live with what they have to live with. Your right, I'm just taking care of myself and my girls, I'm not doing any of this to be mean, I just need to continue to survive............that's all.
When I finally confronted him, he told me it was all my fault. Talk about re-writing history. 
