Quote: The lesson I have learned is that "just being myself" has not been good enough to create a loving marriage...the changes I am making following this program don't feel threatening to my sense of self because the suggestions are so common sense.
Lil... I am realizing that even though I think I am a decent person who was doing a decent job of being a good spouse, the fact of the matter is that the results weren't showing that...my H and I were unhappy for yrs. It's like I could fool myself into thinking I am doing a good job eating the right foods, doing exercise, etc. but if the scale still says the weight is up, then something is wrong.
I feel I have learned a lot from many different resources...PM helped me to strengthen myself ( I will lose weight even if H is bringing home doughnuts), UL principles can help calm me down when I am having extreme anxiety ( in this analogy, stopping myself from bingeing when I am not hungry) and learning Michele's techniques are helping me set goals, stay with whats working, make changes as neeeded and be positive. I see JJ's new way of being passively HD as "doing a 180"...she hasn't changed her basic nature, just her approachand is monitoring her results here. I guess that's what I am trying to say...I am still me with all my intense feelings, but I am thinking more about making changes that will bring measurable successs, and that's what Michele's program offers.
We didn't get a chance to watch the DVD last nite, but we did ML for the third nite in a row...very nice indeed. We both agree that sex 2x/week would suit us well on a consistent basis. I really like keeping it on a schedule...less anxiety, I can get myself in a sexy mind frame by taking a bath and reading an erotic chapter of a book, and I'm not so stirred up all week. This is all "doable" for H, and if he wants to initiate more then great...I will not reject him.
I feel like I am getting at a good balnce right now.
Things are oh so good here. We're having something of a honeymoon period...have ML the past 7 nites. We're too tired to watch the DVD so we fool around instead...a strange way to get results from the program.
LOL HP... My H would rather have sex with me than watch the DVD... must be some sort of therapy technique that Michele keeps under wraps for stubborn H's.
Your H is quite the rebel, IHJ! Now that you know what kinds of things get him going, you're golden, lol! Forget sexy lingerie, bring on a schedule. Forget sexy videos, bring on a relationship DVD. I'm choking with laughter here.
7 days in a row...thats making me nervous...I don't think I could do that. I am finding that I need a good 48 hours to recharge mentally. I can easily see myself being LD in a different relationship. In fact, I find myself feeling LD in this one more and more. Spooky!
