I didn't like what I made of her answer. Which is "I don't care because I won't be coming back." I told her I was having doubts about selling right now and was going to put it on hold.
I decided I will wait through the majority of the summer before considering selling.
Nothing much new to report. Saw my wife a couple times yesterday while picking up and dropping off s-son. Plus she called to see if she could pick up the dog for a walk. I did ask if they wanted to come over for dinner tonight and she is so we'll see how that goes. Write more later.
W
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Quote: One thing I do note as this goes along. When I abandon thinking about my wife physically or wanting some form of physical contact and I don't have reconciliation in mind when I talk to her that the conversation is good. More like just friends and I do tend to leave without expectations or hopes. This is turning into a friendship that I enjoy, I just wish we had more contact.
I bet you'll get it in time. Over and over I read that friendship must come first and be at the heart of any renewed R with a WAS.
Thanks,
K
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
Perhaps you are right about the friendship thing Koshka. I just need some time to find a way to renew that with my WAW. This detachment and going dark thing is tough for me now...I think it is working in reverse, i.e., more on me than on her.
Thanks everyone for your comments. Koshka I already feel like we're pretty good friends. Really we're both the only close friends either of us have in this town.
Okay, so last night I intended to spend a quiet night alone doing a little housework. My W called and asked if she could do some ironing over at the house. I said sure. She brought very little to iron though. Wondered if I wanted to order a pizza. Unfortunately she was feeling really lousy and seemed to get sicker while she was over. At one point she was just suffering on the bed (I resisted jumping her) Maybe a little too much but I gave her a short neck/back rub that she didn't seem to shy away from. It wasn't too much or too pushy. She looked so crummy I suggested she leave the kids with me and go home and I'd bring them back later. She did look quite a bit better a couple hours later. I got some good quality time with the kids. So it worked out fine. The really nice thing about all this is that my relationship with everyone is better. My wife too in many ways. We were husband and wife, but the last half a year we weren't that great of friends...more like roommates.
So far the friendship thing is working out nicely. I think time together fills a void for both of us. Allows for a little adult conversation and interaction. My plan at this point is to continue to go with the flow and see each other as often as is comfortable.
Well that's it for now.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Quote: So far the friendship thing is working out nicely. I think time together fills a void for both of us. Allows for a little adult conversation and interaction. My plan at this point is to continue to go with the flow and see each other as often as is comfortable.
Sounds like the right plan. One positive day at a time.
Your sitch has come a long way, with some nice moves toward friendship indeed! I'm impressed. I can really empathize with you and feel some of the exact same struggles and themes: the friendship, the pulses of attraction. You are doing very well keeping it as she likely needs it for now - as friends. If I were a betting man, I'd say that she's also feeling the pulses of attraction. Rest assured about that - but know that (at least according to M/V) you're reawakening this thru your willingness to attend and have convos with her, as well as your nurturance with back rubs and concern about her being ill. Very well done!
I haven’t written in a bit so I thought I’d update. I guess I need to cover Saturday through today…I’ll just list pertinent positives and negatives
Saturday: W called in am and said they were going to the zoo, did I want to go. I ran a few errands and met them there. We had dinner afterwards which went pretty good. Later my s-son and nephew came by to play video games and I discussed all of us going to the movie with my W. Unfortunately that didn’t materialize.
Sunday: W called in am asking what I was doing. I was rollerblading with dog. The boys wanted to come back over so I said they could when I was done. Unfortunately when they did finally come over I brought up an issue that I was having. I felt that my wife and s-kids were having discussions about how they felt my kids were too mean to them (which is BS…it’s no more than sibling interactions). It didn’t go that well and she left mad. I did say that I didn’t feel anything about our kids wasn’t workable. It got only slightly nasty, but she had other things going on as well (sleep deprived, had to tell son he couldn’t play his favorite game anymore). I called later and said sorry if I misjudged…I was just trying to clarify things, but I didn’t want to be in a position of choosing my kids over her or her over my kids. So bad day.
Monday: No contact during day. I called near the end of work and asked if she wanted to go to dinner with us and maybe rollerblading after that. She actually accepted pretty happily (it seemed). Dinner went over pretty well. Good family type interaction. We all did go skating (except W who walked). That was unfortunate because we were all ahead of her most of the way. I did come back to her when we reached the end. Overall seemed pretty positive. S-son stayed with me and my kids overnight
Tuesday: W sent e-mail asking how things went with s-son overnight (he isn’t allowed this rated M game). I replied back fine and said we did b-ball instead. She called after work and asked if we wanted to get pizza and which kinds. I was running late with the boys and she actually kept the pizza warm in the oven rather than eating without us. That was sweet and I told her thanks for waiting for us. After dinner we played a little b-ball then off to my son’s music program. My wife went. Something she hasn’t done in a while. After that we went to DQ for a little icecream. Most of this night was somewhat uncomfortable…sitting next to her at the program (I kept wanting to put my arm around her or hold her hand) and then a little at the DQ. We said our goodbyes but it turned out s-D wanted to come over to stay last night too so she had to drop her off as well. The kids and I had a lot of fun…b-ball again, Halo2, and grass fight.
Wednesday: Only interaction so far…she came by to get the kids…came downstairs where we were playing Halo2…looking very hot and was very friendly.
That was longer than I thought it would be. So lots of interactions, most positive if somewhat uncomfortable. My short term goals: A really good conversation with W. Some physical contact initiated by W. So far I have done some physical including: backrub, playful tickling when she mumbled something at dinner but wouldn’t repeat it, and some playful grabbing when she was busting my chops during b-ball. I want her to initiate something physical. We haven’t even had a hug.
Any suggestions on how I can achieve these goals or do I need to wait for her? I think I need to find an interesting topic to discuss with her.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Just be patient and take it very slowly. She needs to respond on her own timeline and if you push it, you are very likely to end up pushing her away. Patience, patience, and more patience. You have had a lot of positives...give those time to work through her mind.
