I had to change. I like to provide support and recieve it, but I cannot vent, cannot suggest my approach to my situation, or what's going on with my wife and I if she is just going to read it. After reading my previous stuff she said she couldn't let me keep holding out hope like I am. I'm sure she understands why I did the things I did, but reading the thread was percieved as a great deal of pressure. "My God, my husband is still holding out hope we'll get back together. Doesn't he know I don't love him anymore? he's deluding himself".
So yeah, I'm hoping she doesn't snoop too hard and find me.
Thanks again for finding me. I, of course, was hoping you would. I'm sorry things seem to be in standstill for you, but you obviously for the most part have a really good attitude.
Like the new name? It means hope (as I'm sure you gathered)...which is what I have.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I haven't signed my real name anymore because I don't know what the abilities of that search function are. Can it find a word that is imbedded in someone's post?
She found out because I told her. Stupid hunh?
BM did say she'd read it, but I really doubted it at the time. She had shown so little interest before. You can see all that on the previous thread. BigMouth even wrote a note for my wife to read..."dear Mrs Wes...yada yada" It was cute. Nice letter. My wife never did remark about it. She called immediately after reading my thread and said "I talked to a divorce attorney...I think we should get a divorce". So, obviously no more letting her read my thread. LOL
The kids are wonderful, thanks for asking. My oldest son is just doing great in swimming. Two 1st places and a second place at the state meet. Doing great in school too. My stepkids are adjusting okay to moving out. They do get to stay over night still, especially my SS8, but my SD11 does too on occasion. Our relationship is really good. I wish I would have figured that out sooner.
I haven't written on my book since my wife moved out. It's not because I'm moping around...it's solely from a lack of time (well this uses up some time, but it's very useful to me and I hope I can help others too). Between keeping up with housework, regular work, kids coming over, making dinner, etc....I find I have very little time for writing. I think I'll have some great stuff to put in the book though when I get back to it. I've actually been very happy, thank you for asking. The DB stuff has been great for me as a person. It just seems that trying to be outwardly happy eventually leads to being actually happy which leads to it being easier to be genuinely outwardly happy. If you get my drift. Anyway, I've followed your posts, but you don't put what's going on in your heart in there much. So are you doing well? Emotionally okay? I'm hoping so...
P.S. I tried the search for Wes and it comes up with so many hits that I don't think you'd ever find this thread that way.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Alright, well we'll stick with Hope for awhile. I feel funny calling you that.
I'm okay. You know it's hard for me to talk about what's in my heart. I struggle with it. I honestly miss my H very much. I've been having more bad days than usual and I'm not sure why. I try not to show these moods to him. You know how I feel though, this is God's hands and I'm trying to stay out of His way. I would love for my H to spend the night with me for no purpose other than he wants to. I would love love love to get a kiss from him. (The one last month doesn't really count because I kissed him during ML and he just kissed me back.) I would love for him to speak words of love for me and tell me that he finds me attractive. These are the things that are in my heart and it upsets me to think about them.
Yeah, the name is difficult since it sounds like a girl. Well it will throw my wife off. Typing La_e is just as difficult.
I definitely know what you mean about wanting a show of love. Even a genuine kiss would be sufficient for me. I know it hurts to even think about those things. Actually I carry in my heart this dream that Deb will say she wants to talk and she'll look in my eyes and tell me she loves me. I wonder how long I have to carry this dream around? Of course as you say...thinking about those things only makes it harder (and makes me more impatient). Someday.
W
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Well hello to you too Martha. Thanks for popping by. It's always nice. I hope you have a nice Easter that is free of any of the usual cr.. that we're all getting used to.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Thanks, Hope. Actually I'm in kind of an odd place right now. I finally started to feel some anger after SO and I had brunch last weekend, so I'm taking like 50 paces backwards and just sitting things out for a bit. Letting it stew, so to speak.
My kids' will all be at their dad's for Easter, so I'm just going to hang out and do homework, but I am going to a friend's house for dinner on Sunday after church. (I have a feeling it might be a "fix-up" but I'm hoping not. I found out today that there will be a single man there. <BIG EYE ROLL!!!>) <shrug> We'll see.
Nothing to report, just writing. I read through Martha's thread. Excellent stuff on detaching etc. Many days I have that, but not today. Some days are just so hard not to focus on what the end result will be (divorced or together)
Yesterday night and today I've spent time rounding up pictures and putting them in picture boxes, etc. Some fun trips down memory lane to when my kids were babies and little. I'm actually stoked with attempting to make a scrapbook for the boys. As I mentioned before I also got one for my wife. I might give for Easter, but I need to think about that. Pursuit maximus??? I tried not to focus much on her pictures (she has ones from her previous marriage and before). One thing I did note...my wife is hot and has been for years now. She had this photo shoot at some point (I think during college) where she was wearing this skimpy leopard skin like thing and a mask. WOW!! It was hot. I was tempted to keep those pics. Or at the very least scan them. But all this trip down memory lane was painful.
Should I just spend this entire week without any contact with my wife? I really don't have a reason to call except to wish Happy Easter tomorrow. She was going to use this time to think so I probably should just let her. A definite positive is if she calls me.
Anyway, that's all. Just looking for reassurance and a little company. Time alone is definitely not a good thing. Fortunately I have a bunch of work to do, so TTFN.
La_E (HOPE)
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Definitely don't contact W, too must pursuit of her. She needs a chance to miss you and wonder why you aren't there and why you didn't say 'happy Easter'.
The photos are nice but put them away for a happier day. You can keep them, but don't look at them all the time. I regret not keeping more of my photos.
I know it's difficult, but you can do it. A positive end result will be worth the pain!
You said will we be divorced or together? You're forgetting you can be divorced AND together. I am. Richard and Judy re-married each other after getting divorced (Chat show hosts), so did my friend Martha and her H. It is possible.
LOL 
Just wanted to drop by and say howdy and that I'm thinking of you!