It aint over till it's over. I say you let go. Let your W work it out. Stay out of it. She's the one that pushed for this D, now let her sort it out. If she goes ahead with it then you have to accept that. If you keep pressing her for answers and decisions then I think you might distract her from facing herself in this. This is not about YOU. It's about her facing her own decisions. Leave her alone and let her and her !@&#$ L work it out.
Rest in God's hands,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
Damn, this doesn't sound like any fun at all!!....
I know that recently when I discussed with my counselor what would happen if my (not soon enough) STBX were to decide to want to recomcille at the 11th hour, and I decided that my answer would be "no, you still have (lots of personal growth) work to do". As my counselor observed "you can always remarry (with a pre-nup)"....
Well today is mothers day. I went over to STBX's house and she was up. I told her she is not supposed to be awake and we went in the bedroom. She pulled something in her back and I gave her a brief back rub to try and work that out. I also drew her a nice calgon bath so she could relax more. Got a nice peek and I got a little fresh I must say but she nixed that. Got the kids up and I made breakfast. Scrambled eggs, sausage links and pancakes. They all had breakfast in bed with mom. Did most of the dishes that I dirtied and that were in the sink allready. They were out of milk so I left and picked some up and got the moms day card for her that I forgot to get. I like funny cards so that is what I got to hopefully make her laugh. I wrote; You do so much for are kids. somebody see's that and appreciate's it. Thank you. JIM
After that I did the hugs and kiss's with the kids. STBX seemed annoyed. She had just got into it with my SD and she was having trouble, of course with S. I think she was also hoping that I would stay so she could go tan. D said are you leaving? and I explained that my time is very limited, which it is, and I had to go.
So I had read some things about forgiveness and a couple that had eventually regretted there D and how they had used this tool to open up the lines of communication between them. I wanted to talk to STBX briefly about it but she was to busy dealing with S so I let it go. I left everything on her bed and split.
I know this is not good DB. But one of our worst problems has always been talking. And I'm tired of not knowing what is going on. Im tired of not being able to talk. I know that this is a HUGE problem in any R, but it MUST be delt with. So mabye I have failed at DB, but I cant go on not being able to talk about my problems with someone who care's. Thats part of being a couple. There is more but I need to take a nap. Gotta work tonight, of course. I will try to respond to you all when I can. Take care JIM
Quote: So I had read some things about forgiveness and a couple that had eventually regretted there D and how they had used this tool to open up the lines of communication between them.
James, can you provide some specifics on what you read about forgiveness, and especially the tool that this couple regretting their D used to open up lines of communications? This is a very important topic for me right now.
Hey JRB; It was something on Msn.com. There were a couple of articles under the R section.
Well I have been thinking a lot about what a couple of good women friends have said to me. One quote was "love shouldn't be this hard".
I guess that and everything else has started to sink in finally. Went to S's soccer game and of course we sat next to soccer dad (SD). I guess his wife couldnt make it becuase of school. So he is married. There is a definite friendship developing here. W spent more time talking to him then me. I felt kind of like a third wheel. At one point he had to answer his cell for like the 4th time for work and he hung it up and put it on my W's thigh and said "take this thing". There was also a little playing around and before he left he touched her on the shoulder and wished her a happy mothers day. They also discussed going to a local lodge with their family's on vacation this year. I dont know what the heck is going on here if anything but it is way to cosy and I think this touching thing is telling. All I could do was think that "gosh I wish she was being that way with me".
Im beginning to feel a little more comfortable with my D. I don't want it and I dont think it HAS to happen, but I cant see any other solution. MY W reminds me of myself in a lot of ways both good and bad and I dont know if or when she might resolve this issue about communication. I guess that would be the troll under the bridge ( thanks Bethie).
I know that she is outgoing and may not think anything of it but I dont like it and I think as a married man he is being way to friendly. Either that or she is just stupid. Sorry thats just how I feel.
Anyway after talking to a couple of close women friends and after watching that on saturday I have begun to think of an alternative life. I hate my life the way it is. I did REALLY love my W. Deeply, and I will miss her, and I will think about her for a long time to come yet. I really did want to try and make this work out. I still think if we had put our minds together and tried we could have worked this out. But I dont think that is going to happen.
I must admit I have had a few women express interest in me and I have been flattered. Geez one of them is at least half my age, heh, heh. One of them is someone I know from work. She is going through the end of her last R right now too. We have never gotten along before this but at one point she just opened up to me and I have tried to be there to listen for her. I know this is NOT a good time for either of this and we are discussing the issue seriously. But there is a definite interest and I am feeling very confused and unhappy with what is happening in my life right now.
I wish so much that there was a way to turn back the clock and try and repair what has happened before it started. But Im beginning to think that, like most of us, it has become to late. I know, it's never to late until you say it is, but like so many it takes two to tango.
I dont want to embark on this new journey in my life. I know that you "old timers" know what I am saying. I know its not the "manly" thing to do but when I think of what has happened and where I am going without STBX I feel such a deep sorrow and I cry. A lot.
Thank you all for responding to my pathetic wanderings. Hey one day I think I'll actually learn something, LOL! Take care and may God bless each and everyone of you. I'll try and respond individually a.s.a.p.
James I know it really sucks, and the pain is incredible, but you will survive! I've told my kids if I could have one wish, it would be to have the family back together in one piece HAPPY!! As you say it takes two. but I also realize it would never work, my X was just not capable of giving me what I needed and deserved in a R, and I'm better off now and so are the kids! Love should not hurt, R's are hard work and require effort from both parties but they shouldn't be painfull, they should be a mutual admiration thing. Sounds like your X wants to keep all her options open and that my friend you do not deserve, as a matter of fact what I've read on your thread she doesn't deserve YOU!!! Take care stay strong. C.
If you think it seems weird and makes you uncomfortable, whatever it is, go with your gut. You are probably right!
They say that communication or lack there of is the #1 reason that people grow apart. I can believe that. Do you think in your heart that your wife is capable of communicating with you? Or do you think that maybe the real problem is that she just doesn't want to? Both of those can be remedied if the person wants them to be. I just don't want to see you getting the short end of the stick.
You questioned the fact that I called you "an honorable man". You are honorable. I'm sure you made mistakes and even did things that in retrospect you wish you could take back, we all have. You however were willing to stick it out and honor your promises. You continue to be kind and hopeful. More than any of those things, you sound like a great Dad!
Please don't sell yourself short. We here all see it and we love you for the person that you are.
Good morning all. It is 3:30 and I cant sleep. Got to bed relatively early. Good thing , heh, heh. Today is the day. Today I will know where I really stand as if Im not afraid I allready know. Not much else to say. I hope Im wrong. Take care all JIM
