Wow I can hardly think, I think, lol. I woke up in the middle of the night and that is part of the reason Im here. Saw STBX tuesday because of S's soccer practice and we talked a bit. At some point I made this comment about making a "mistake" last week when I stayed over and perhaps I needed to, as she put it make an "error correction". To which she readily agreed. Unfortunatley I did not have the right uniform for that job with me and I had to take an I.O.U. I told her this and she said to write it out and I will sign it, which she did.
I really suck at this DB thing. When am I gonna learn?
Today I had to stop by cuz I forgot my keys at her house. She was doing some planting in the front yard. I finally had to go to class and she gave me a quick hug and kiss before I left. I dont get this.
When I got home THE ENVELOPE was waiting for me. I now have a date and time. On May 3rd at 1:30 p.m. I will no longer be "officially married" to my wife.
I dont have to describe the feelings that I have right now. Im sure many of us have been there or are close to it. I know Im a man of many faults and weakness's. But I really did love my wife. I really did try to change that which I needed to. I really did want to save our relationship becuase I think it was imperfect but worthwhile. I really did desire her above all women. I really wish I wasnt here right now.
This time spent alone In grief for opportunities lost No chance to make amends For the bitter word or the slamming door Nothing but the fading need Of a lovers quest unfullfilled This corpse of wish's go's to its grave unwilling, unwanted A solitary mourner its only companion The ash of your loves dying ember falls heavily cast by the hand of your pain and doubt Do's a wounded child Its life just begun struggle any harder To break the the bonds of unwanted death Like an orphan of neglect It reach's with one hand, lacking two And sinks slowly to its own demise O love of mine Do not abandon this offspring of ours Born of hope and dreams Of passionate embrace and love's oath sworn Do you not yet hear its cries in some room of your heart? Its feeble grasp bound by the uncertantie's of your soul Its failing sight stung by the tears of your sorrow Its tortured breath squeezed by the closing of your unbelieving mind Grieve for its death A life unlived Regret its time lost Of accomplishments never realised Of joyous abandonment, abandoned And warmths touch unfelt And cry for its loss An eternal sleep, unbroken by the wishfull dreamings of love and hope
Blessings upon you and yours. Thank you all for stopping by. Perhaps its time to pick a more cheery thread. I do thank you for stopping by.
None of us want to be in the situation that brings us to this board, and many of us wonder how we will be able to go on. I can only encourage you to spend time with friends, to think about the other things that are important in your life, even though it may seem at times as though there are none. There are, and you need to focus on them.
Well life just gets bettor. Yesterday I discussed my intent to step down from my supervisory position with my boss. Becuase of the fact that there are only 4 of us and everybody else's life is more important I work all evening shifts every friday, saturday, and sunday, which is what I have been working for the most part for 21 years now. Boy and am I tired of it. This means Im unavailable to do much with my kids or anybody else for that matter. My only option is to step down and take a pay cut of $3.20 an hour so that I might have some time on the weekends to take my kids to the zoo in Toledo or just spend the day with them.
Almost half of what I make per month go's to pay back a debt I owe which will be over with at the end of June. So in order to try and make more I picked up a part time job in addition to my full time one, working 3 days a week. So know I get my papers in the mail. She couldnt even talk to me about this? Why am I so suprised by that? And I get a good look at them. With the 100 bucks a month she wants me to pay on HER credit card and the support its almost the same amount of money. I cannot believe it. I left her everything and took nothing. I cant even afford my own place right now AND pay my bills. Why the heck was I so foolish to trust her? I guess giving her the cars,the house and everything in it, and continuing to pay for it, just wasnt enough. I just dont know what Im going to say to her, Im just so stunned by this. To think that I loved this women so deeply and trusted her even after she cheated on me once and now this? All the while she's smiling and giving me the maybe things will change maybe they wont speech? Oh yes we are going to have SUCH a relaxing time on are trip. Oh and lets not forget Riverdance. What fun we will have while I stick it to you, you stupid schmuck. My God do's she really care so little or is this some way for her to hurt me further? I just dont understand.
I guess I really am in the right forum after all, cuz I dont see how I could ever want this women back now. Im sure glad I never really had to die for her cuz I would have. I just cant believe this.
Hey James sometimes things sure don't make any sense at all. I remember the ex talking to me before she left and telling me how much she hated the thought of leaving and this friend of ours hitting on her, well actually the best man at my wedding, then as soon as she moves out of the house she moves in with the guy. I know most of it was done to hurt me and the funny thing was neither of them could figure out why they lost the friendship I had for him. I got so vexed I saw four hundred and elevendy eleven colors of red.
You are going to have to soon give me an address so I can send this cheese before it melts, since it doesn't look like your db gathering will fit my time off. I looked really hard at that too, darn it. But you take as good of care as yoou can and God Bless. Larry
Im sorry about replying so late Laurie I'v just been really busy and stressed out lately. The highs are still high and then I come crashing down again. I had hoped to spend more of my time alone with the kids and not go over to the house as much like I usually do with them and her. I had hoped that after a time she might become curious about me and even call for no reason lie the night she called me at work to tell me about the birthday joke they played on my SD. I was hoping to see perhaps a little pursuit on her part after a time, but I guess thats not gonna be the case now. I need to talk to her about this financial arrangement that she never bothered to discuss with me. I will see her saturday after my sons soccer game and I need to let all this go and try and make her a little more flexible about this decree. Its going to be an interesting conversation and Im quite nervous about it. But I think maybe its time. And after that I guess its up to me to let go of her for good. Even now its still hard. Thank you so much for stopping by and Im glad we had the opportunity to talk in the beginning.
Called STBX the other day from work. Asked her to call me from home when she had her lunch break. She never did. She ended up calling me later that night and left me a voice mail saying she had taken a nap cuz she was tired instead and that I could call her at home. All very nice and pleasant. I did call her later and we had are usual very nice and pleasant conversation. I expressed my concern that she wasnt feeling well and she was tired, like I always do. I mentioned that I had gotten my happy papers in the mail. She said that she had recieved something also but she hadn looked at it yet so she dosnt know what it is. I said I can tell you what it is. She is supposed to see me at work this sunday after I get back from Toledo to "talk".
All I can say is that is was a very pleasant conversation. There was the usual chit chat about her work and even some sexual innuendo and it was all very happy. I really did express my concern about her and how I hoped she would get some rest. I am such a fool. O yes I forgot to mention that in the new papers the joint custody thing has now been changed to sole custody for her. I can not understand this. There is no way I would ever treat her this way. I mean NEVER. So how could she? My life is going to take a very serious turn for the worse I think. I dont know whats going to happen to me. I do know that Im not looking forward to it. Im not sure if I can continue anymore. I know that I am not a perfect person. I know that I have made alot of mistakes in my life. But I am not a bad person, Im really not. I try to be good. And I know that I would NEVER do to STBX what she is doing to me
I dont want to end up hating this women but Im beginning to see the end here. And thats the way its looking. My God I was just thinking tonight about the birth of our son and what a hoot it was. I dont know why it popped up. But I remember and I think abou that time we went togehther.Im not usually the kind of person who thinks about those things but it just sprung into my mind for some reason. Plus you know how us men are, so insensitive. But it occured to me, after all this I still lopve this women in some way and I still care about her. WHY? I am really going to continue to have a hard time with this. And I am now going to have to seek legal counsel and becoma an adversary. I really hate this but it seems that I have no choice. Sorry. Thanks for dropping by if you do JIM
Thank you for all your suggestions and comments. Now I just need to assimilate them into my own plans. Thank you all again.
Well talked to my lovely STBX on the phone again last night. She was feeling a little under the weather so I of course expressed my concern for her and her health and encouraged her to get as much rest as possible.She is supposed to come out to campus tonight after work so we can talk. Im at my regular job and then I leave here to work my part time one till midnight. Im incredibly nervous about tonight. The potential for great damage or great good is very high here I think. I need to seek some legal counsel too now which I should have done in the first place instead of being such a trusting fool with my non-communicative W. I have to make a decision soon about my intended demotion so I can have the occasional weekend off to spend with my kids or just for myself. I dont think I can afford to do that now with the financial sitch looking the way it is at this point. Wow what a HUGE monkey wrench.
So I intend to explain all of this to STBX in the hope that she will understand and relent at least on the credit card issue. I have two of my own I dont need hers too. I still have till the end of June before my past debt is payed off. I was really looking forward to that so that I might finally be able to start thinking about a place of my own. The loss of the money will be tough but the chance to actually have a life instead of being here all the time was a pleasant thought. Of course now it might end up being just that "a pleasant thought".
I still dont understand why she changed the custody decree. She allready has the children all of the time. I only get to see them the one evening that I dont have to work right now. I would like to be a part of thier lifes and Im trying to take some measures that will increase my involvment with the demotion. Somebody said that perhaps going for sole custody allows her to ask for more money. I really hate to think that that is her motivation.
I do plan on bringing up the fact that I too like the way things are between us right now and that I had hoped that we could have built a new and bettor R after the deserved death of our old one. By taking the best of what we had and leaving the worst in the past and incorperating some new ways for us to interact with each other. But I understand that that isnt going to happen. And I am sorry about that and for what I have done in the past to put us in the position that we are in.
Funny I still feel some affection for her. Whenever I hear her laugh on the phone it all starts to come back. Blagh, heh, heh. Ah well, Im hoping the detachment keeps up. Its been really slow and whenever I think Im out of the woods something comes up that says HA! no your not, LOL. I must say though I didnt think it would take this long and with the end still somewhat ahead of me. OK enough whining.
Jim, I do think that since you gave her "everything" in the house and the cars, that she should pay her own credit card bill. You do, however, have the get the custody issue cleared up and also make sure there are provisions that she can't move away with the kids w/o your permission. This is a biggie. You may be able to get these changes done w/o getting another lawyer involved if W agrees to them.
I know you still love her and you've truly done everything you can so don't beat yourself up over this.
And.....the next time you leave your wallet in my room, I'm going to give it a good cleaning before I return it to you. Seriously, I'm so glad you found it.
Hi Jim. I'm sorry to hear about the recent developments. I'm confused as to why she thinks that you have an obligation to her card. You know you don't have to agree to that.
And it must be hard for you over the custody issue. I'll bet that she's just taking advice from her lawyer who probably has the attitude 'ask for everything'.
Anyway, I'm with Jill. Try to work this out yourself. If you have to fight over custody, you will need your own attorney. And you certainly want to have a say in the decisions in their lives.
I wanted to drop by and say I'm glad that we had a chance to meet Saturday and I had a good time. Perhaps we can do it again soon.
Seriously, I'm so glad you found it.