Hey Jim. After reading about the past couple weeks, so many people are giving you good advice. The advice that COG gave to you was a lot of the same that I was thinking.
Stringing you along, if she is, that can only benefit your chances. I don't think you string somebody along if you're 100% sure that you want a D.
You still have many baby steps and positives happening from her. Heck, you're still having fun with her. You know this, that WAS are selfish, it is about them during this process. Our loving spouses from the past, can be like aliens.
It still doesn't make their hurtful actions right. But I also think that she is still very confused and not sure what she wants. Keep letting her see you at the top of your game and make her mind wonder about thoughts of you.
A important thing is that you are doing your best and being you. You can sleep well at night.
Jim, Next time you have a song you like, call and sing it to me over the phone. Right before bed would be best.
Geeze, I'm going to miss you and Sad this weekend. I couldn't wait for you to see my Madonna costume. Darn it, now I'll just have to prance around at the jazz club in it.
James, Thanks for pointing me to your thread...I finally made it! And it sounds that your friends are supporting you going a bit more darker at this point, is that right? How are you doing with that?
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
Yes that would seem to be the case as far as going dark.
Well since the seperation ovwr 10 months ago I have been trying to be upbeat and positive as much as possible. We have still spent quite a bit of time together, almost all of it with the kids. I have been trying to keep all are contact as fun and positive as possible. But nothing seems to have changed much. STBX is still going ahead with the D and I dont know what else to do at this point. So I guess I have no choice but to start minimizing my contact with her as much as possible and try and totally let go. Its a risk of course and Im saddened by the idea but what else is there? I have a part time job in addition to my full time one so that will help. Also Im going to try and spend my time with the kids more often just with them. Of course this should free her up a little more to "not date", lol, but O well. Thats just another chance I have to take.
Its been a long emotional ride with lots of ups and downs and lots of post's. Guess thats why they call it the rollercoaster
With all the work you do and spending time with the kids it sounds like you wouldn't have a lot of time to spend with her anyway.
But why dont you find a hobby that will fill up the down times?
When I went dark on my H I refinished my kitchen table.It took me three months.It had about ten coats of the uglies green paint.Now I have the prettiest dinning room table in the world.If I do say so myself. But I never got around to the chairs.Totally mismatched.
How about golf? Or a softball team?
I joined a pool league.Not for everyone.But I'm good at it and I enjoy it.
Maybe I will put a pool table in ly garage this summer.
There are many shades of dark.From going total black out.I don't this is pratical with kids.Grey would be not being available all the time.Showing signs of moving on.Making her wonder what your up to.
Note a lot people have tried to make there spouses wonder if they were dating.For the most part I think that backfires.
Someone told me the other day that whick is easialy gained has no value.I dont' know if I believe that.But when you think about what we value in this world the things we value are hard to get.
From the material to the spirital.
But no matter what you decide abut going dark it should never be used as a weapon.As in I can't get you to give me what I want so I will cut you from my life.But more as a tool to GAL. You should do this lovingly.Not easy when every fiber in your body sometimes wants to strick back and just show her what she will be missing.It's giving her a chance to see what she is missing without hurting her.
But that being said.From your posts you dont seem like the type to want to hurt her.
Later Friend. Briget
The grass is always greener over the septic tank... Erma Bombeck
Treat hate with Love... DR. Martin Luther King
James, What specifically have you or will you do this week as a way of letting go more than you have?
What hopeful responses are you looking for once you let go a bit more?
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
Hey Briget; No I dont have that much time anymore, thats for sure. And there is no way I can go totally dark becuase of the kid thing, your right.
I understand about making people wonder and "creating competition", but I feel uncomfortable with that and I just have a general moral objection to that type of strategy.
Quote, "But no matter what you decide abut going dark it should never be used as a weapon.As in I can't get you to give me what I want so I will cut you from my life"
Boy I know what you mean. I so struggle with this. I have to find the balancing act between showing I still love her without making it obvious? And I need to " let her go" to find her own thing while I somehow try and enjoy my own life while I continue to wish she was still in it?
"Remember the paper trail in the mall story that you told way back when "
How can I forget. That was really wierd. It was one of the things that really started me thinking about my choices.
I dont know for sure whats going on with STBX. But I sure wish she would get her head out of her ass. Or maybee she has and I just cant realise that. JIM
Im really sorry guys Im trying to respond as much as possible. But Im really tired these days and I dont have as much time as I used to. I have had a really crappy day. JIM
