You're taking the right approach. Just wait and see. You never do know what will happen.
What you see may not be "accurate" reality, either. You're seeing the situation from just your perspective truthfully. All you can do is see what she does, can't read her mind. I can't say for sure, but if she's grappling with any self-esteem issues, it would seem she's probably going to be acting somewhat unpredictably. There are issues within herself she's grappling with. Keeping the options open so she can date or get a "better" guy is something I've seen before with friends and on the board.
Keep up the great attitude. That if anything is going to see you through all of this, no matter what happens!
If you do want to stay in the M, I'd do what the other poster says and book stuff the minute she says she wants to, and also compliment her in areas she is insecure with (i.e legs) but don't instigate any physical contact.
Change your mindset for now and think of her as a fond friend, rather than your W, and you won't drive yourself crazy wondering 'what if?' etc while you are waiting to see what happens.
Get busy, and don't go into her house every time she asks, don't answer the phone every time she calls etc.
Sorry it took so long to get over to your thread. I see a lot of positives in your situation especially if there isn't another man involved. You and your W are still talking and you see each other several times a week because you have kids.
I've read a lot on these boards about MLC and men in their 40s and 50s; but I've noticed with my women friends and family members that some of them have gone through something similar in their 30's. Just speculation here, but I wonder if it's the realization that their kids are growing up and that they (the women) are no longer as attractive to men in general as when they were in their 20's. Two of my sisters are divorced, and they both left their H's in their 30's for other people.
I guess that thought crossed my mind because of what you said about your W being complimented by other people on her looks. I wouldn't ask her if she's going through some type of MLC, and I think you're doing a lot of things right such as complimenting her since she appears to like that.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. C. S. Lewis
Hey all! Thank you for posting. Its possible that she has some self esteem issues. And frankly she do's have ugly legs. But you know what? I dont care. As far as viewing her as a "fond friend" and not going to the house. I try, but I get my kids off the buss at home 2 or 3 days a week becuase STBX and SD both work. And its hard to look at the mother of my children and the best lover I have ever known as a "friend", but I do try. Its funny last night I made them dinner and at some point in the conversation she mentioned that nanny 911 show and how she mentioned that its unhealthy to let your kids sleep in your bed or room all the time. I just looked at her like "DUH". All those years I tried to get her to make the kids sleep in thier own room so we could be alone and who knows maybe even ML and now this. I swear I wanted to slap her. Well saturday they leave for tennesse. Thier first trip without you know who. My SD's dad lives there and they are going down to visit and get a pic of all the kids together. STBX is gonna rent a car and I told her to pick what she can afford and upgrade from there and I would cover the difference. I want them in something big and safe. Im gonna be staying at the house to take care of the pets and to get away from mommy and daddy for awhile. Just bought a new vehicle so Im not driving something thats 1 step away from the junk yard anymore. And I just picked up a part time job at the local community college for 2 extra days a week. Hopefully things will work out and I can get in there full time and QUIT MY OLD JOB!!!!!!!!!!!
Well thank you all again for stopping by. Somedays I dont even understand why I still feel the way I do about STBX. Its no longer overwhelming like it used to be. But it still comes and go's. I just dont know how long its gonna hang around. Some days I look at her and I dont feel a thing. And others I still SEE HER, yah know? I dont now any other way to describe it. It used to be sometimes she would catch me staring at her and she would look at me and say "what"? And all I could say to her was "I just see you". I could see her as she used to be and how she was now and maybe how she would look in the future, all rolled up into one. But no matter what she was always beautifull, and special, and unique. Distinctly herself. And there will never be another one like her.
Take care all, and I will see some of you tomorrow night!
Well they are all set for thier trip this week. They are leaving about 4 or 5 in the morning saturday. Was kinda bummed cuz I didnt think I was gonna see them again till next wednsday but the STBX suggested I come stay the night there friday after work so I can see them off in the morning. Gonna feel wierd sleeping in my old bed again with the STBX laying next to me. Ah well. JIM
Hi James. Glad to see some pos. baby steps going on. I know it is still frustrating. Keep DBing and the faith. How did it go last night and this morning?
Hey all. Well nothing much to report. STBX was not feeling well and didnt get much sleep. We got up around 4 and they left about 5 that morning. STBX had to come right back cuz D was crying and wanted another hug before they left. I felt so low. Thought this might be nice but in a way its not. The house is empty except for me and all those family photos and memories. Talked last night for a bit before they went to bed. I guess they are not far from Gatlinburg. Its basically a tourist town but its a lot of fun. Took the kids there a couple times and STBX once on one of our few trips alone. I asked hey are you gonna go? And she said I dont know. Well I said if you do dont tell me, heh, heh Im thinking of going again sometime. Well Iv got 2 weeks off this year she says. Huh?????????????? whats that supposed to mean. Bah Take care all! JIM
Duh??? What do you think it means? It means that she's open to the idea of going with you. Now, let her know when you'd like to go, make the plans and lay low for awhile.
JamesLuscious, do you want me to run your life for you for awhile?
