Well Im finally back. Thanks to all who have stopped by! Ill try and reply as soon as I get a chance to.
THE WAY THINGS ARE
(sigh) The way it stands now is the D should be final the end of this month or April.In the last few months I had given her a couple things to read about R issues and how they could possibly be resolved which she did. I had talked to her a couple times about what happened to us and why which she pretty much agreed with. She also had lunch with my dad ,at her request, to iron out their differences about the sitch. This is the first time she ever agreed to the "possibilty" of us ever getting back together. She apparently also mentioned it to my D. A few weeks back a long time friend of mine called the, er, her house looking for me. She answered and he hung up. He was basically used to break the news to me and took great exception to that. She called him back and they talked about it and she apoligised. She mentioned to him that she was happy with the divorce, she loved me as a person but was no longer in love with me. She also mentioned that "you never know what may happen down the road", which my buddy found irritating. Of course she must know Im gonna hear this so WTF? Is she telling people what they want to hear? Is she merely spouting comforting platitudes? Or do's she really believe that IS a possiblity? Who the heck knows. Oh yes and 2 weeks ago while I was sitting in the living room she was talking to SD about taking part of her tax money and getting her tubes tied. I got fixed a few years back when we decided we were done having kids and it would be easier and safer for me to do it.
Anyway the D is gonna happen no doubt in my mind. What comes after this? Well my guess is she is gonna spend some time looking around and maybe trying out some newer and possibly younger models to see if she can find one thats a good fit. I know that she has been accepting invites to do things from single men. Last year it was "hamster man" but I think he is out of the running now.Most recently it has been an "old high school friend" Funny when my MIL found out about the D she mentioned dating to my STBX and that one of her old boyfriends was now D. Is it him? Beats me but its awfully coincedental, although she has been on that classmates dot.com for the last couple of years and thier high school reunion is this july. She is attending.
Its possible she is a little insecure about herself. She struggles with her weight a bit although she is not heavy in anyway. And she always complains about her "ugly legs". But over the last few years she has mentioned a couple of incidents where men have complemented her on her looks. And yes she dress's up very nicely and can be very pretty. Of course I have been telling her she's the most beautiful creature to walk the earth but I dont think my opinion counts for much these days,LOL. She has been working out fairly regularly so she can look good for the summer and her reunion.
I guess next I will have to talk about where I am and what Im gonna do. Sorry about not replying right now I guess I just feel the need to journal a bit. Thanks again to all of you who have stopped by. I really do appreciate it and I wish you all the best. Till next time, Take Care All!
She's clearly fence sitting, looking to see what side of the fence the grass is greener. Maybe if you push, she may fall off into the wrong side of the yard? Sounds like she struggling with some self-esteem stuff perhaps?
Honestly... the tube tying thing is one way to keep all of her options open yanno? So, let her think it through. She's seeing the "freedom" of the other side of that fence and not clearly seeing the benefits of M side of the fence.
Where am I now? Finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. I still love my W somewhere but most days its pretty managable. I know our R wasnt perfect and never will be but I still see the value in it even if she dosn't. Yes part of me still hopes that things will turn around some day but Im not going to wait for it forever. I dont believe Im ready to do the date thing yet so I'll just keep on keepin on the way Im doing now. We still talk occasionally and even joke a little in person and on the phone but no R talk and no ML for the past 3 or 4 months. Im not gonna push either one. Just friends sorta and thats the way its gonna have to be I guess. I still miss her some times and the strange physical connection we once had. And the idea of her sharing her life and herself with someone else still bothers me. But I guess thats something that Im just gonna have to deal with when it comes. I dont miss the chaos and the temper that came with dealing with her and the kids sometimes but I miss my home and my family. I hope that someday she will find it in her heart to forgive some of the stupid things I have done to bring us to this point but I dont know when or if that will happen. But as my ex-best friend recently said "you never know what may happen down the road"
You are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skys are grey you'll never know dear how much I love you So please dont take my sunshine away.
In some ways I am envious of you. At least you're not in limbo anymore. Sometimes I wish my limbo would end one way or the other. In or out, on or off. This middle ground is treacherous.
Best of luck with your life. You are very wise to take it slow as far as dating goes. Give yourself a year or two before you even think about getting serious or steady with anyone. You and I will make someone a good H some day. It's the some day part that is difficult to wait for. I want it and I want it NOW!
Condolences and Congratulations,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
Hi James. Thanks for stopping by mine. I just read your "sum it up" post. You said so many things that also summed up how I feel. It was almost like reading my own. Glad to hear your doing good overall. You have so many on this board that became your friend. You know, none of us are perfect, but we know we've tried so hard and that's all we can do. Hang in there. 3-4 months, that's where we differ, lucky you
Things are definately looking up for us, just sometimes I'm wanting it to end one way or the other. Had a good convo last night. We talked about dating other people and how neither one of us was into that. She's been asked out a few times but keeps turning them down. She says she turns them down because she's still hopefull that our M will work out. She knows that dating would be the end for us. She's still hanging in there and wants me to hang in there too. I thanked her for persevering and she thanked and praised me to.
We talked about how wonderful our friendship is and how nice it is that we can be honest with each other. She's exciting to me because she's finally being her true and honest self, and I'm able to accept her and be interested in who she really is. She says some days she thinks it could work out and some days she does'nt. She also says she's closer than she has ever been. That's major progress from two years ago.
I told her I've met several ladies that I am interested in, but feel the same as her about dating. She says I'm more interesting and exciting now than before because I have other interests besides work, ie, biking, running, poker, a motorcycle. So, I think I'm going to keep concentrating on these interests, and maybe take on a home improvement project too. Something about a man with a tool belt. I think it turns her on a little. I gave up golf two years ago. She just told me last night that golf bored her. I think I made the right move there although sometimes I do miss it. My index was 10 when I quit playing.
My W is stunningly beautiful. I have always liked attrative women, and she is a major turn on. Even after having four kids she is gorgeous. She keeps getting more beautiful as time goes on too. I did'nt always feel that way about her though. I completely took her for granted and now I'm suffering because of it. One of my biggest regrets is not honoring and appreciating the beautiful person and great friend that she is. Hopefully, I will get a second chance.
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
Cog; Im so glad to hear that! I truley wish you and your W continued success. As for me nothing much happening. I have casually mentioned a few weeks ago about possibly going to se a movie sometime (one of the managers at the local theatre gave me a free pass for two). Would like to see Be Cool. Well STBX actually did bring it up the other day which mildy suprised me but again I dont place to much stock in it. She also brought home a flyer she got from work about discount tickets to go see Riverdance live in Detriot. We are all big fans so yesterday she ordered tickets for us and the kids to go see it next month.
So on I go waiting to see what or if anything is gonna happen. Ahhhhhh the life of a limbo king, LOL!
Well almost forgot some links to my old post's in case there are any masochist's out there. Hard to believe its been almsot 10 months since the seperation.
JamesLuscious, (love calling you that, hehe) Sounds like you have some positives going after all. Maybe you need to become a little more aggressive in seeing that these things (movie, Riverdance, etc) happen. Don't expect her to make the plans. When she shows some interest, make the plans immediately.
