I guess I should post so I don't forget it (almost did!) H at one point this weekend told me (when I was crying Sat. morning I think) tenderly and with his arms around me, "I'm so sorry about that" (meaning the A) and he sounded very gentle and sincere. I hope. I guess my trust is really still in the gutter at this point.
I am sorry for your bomb day anniversary, I had mine back in August and for as prepared as I thought I was, it was still hard.
My bomb was sort of a long slow explosion, I "caught" H (via a cell phone bill for middle of the night calls to Brazil) while he was still in Brazil and had to wait about 5 more days until he got home.
I of course did all of the usual begging crying stupid stuff that we now know to be totally bad dbing. I even went down to the basement and drug out some love letters that H wrote to me when I was in college, then showed them to him when he got back home and then attacked him with some skanky lingerie.
I am sure that you get the picture and I have to laugh at it now with the perspective of time.
No wonder H didn't think that my changes were real, I am sure that it did look like I was desperate, well, because I was.
So if you want to tell me your bomb story I will be gald to listen, otherwise we can just chalk it up for experience.
Hi Deb- I'm glad that your day is going better than expected. Thanks for your response regarding the truck. We should make it official tonight or tomorrow. I have started a new thread over on MLC by the way.
If it is any consolation, I think it is great that your H is so reassuring and affectionate. That would help me feel more at ease regarding the A being over. My H has not progressed that far yet. I long for the day that he initiates a hug! I had to ask him to crack my back the other day to get any physical contact outside of sleeping up against each other at night.
We are definitely taking baby steps, that is for sure.
I'm going to go check out Charlene Cares. Friday's really helped me.
Yeah for your H for handling the Saturday AM tears in a kind (and correct!) way. And nice recovery on your part.
As far as his clumsy comment about his choice....sigh....we have to remember that sometimes (ahem, all the time) our Hs speak a different language. I can remember quite a few times battling with my H over word choice. He would finally give up and say, "Okay, now what do you want me to say?" LOL So, yeah, your H's response sounds to us pretty luke warm-all logic and no heart- but to him it was heart felt.
I am doing better! Thanks for caring. I had surgery on Thursday to remove a lump/mass/something! from my breast. It was scary, not from a cancer stand point so much as a disfigurment stand point. I tried my best to have a different attitude about this particular health situation. I did my best to see this through. I have a bad habit of putting health issues off until the breaking point. This has been a sore point for H in the past. He did tell me the other day that he was proud of how I handled this last episode.
He has been sweet to me. He even picked up all the leaves in the yard Sunday! About a 3 hour job that I always handle. Twice he brought me sliced apples and bananas for breakfast- each with it's own toothpick! LOL I had to laugh at that.
Oh Wow Dawn, I didn't realize you were going through that...how scary and difficult (not to mention painful!) I hope you're feeling better. Are you waiting for the results? that is sooooooooo hard. You will be in my thoughts and prayers....I'm so sorry I didn't know that....had you mentioned it and I spaced it off?
My gosh, and here you've been posting to me with all my whining while you're dealing with this! you are one brave gal.
Hats off to your H! I love the fruit with a toothpick in each slice! How sweet of him .
Please don't feel badly. I never mentioned it, only that I was ill.
I assume that I will get results when I get my sutures out (next Monday) but the surgeon doesn't think that it is anything to worry about....so I am not! (LOL, does that sound convincing?) Truly, I have thought about it but try not to dwell. If it was suspicious for cancer they would have done the pathology right then and there.
Reading the board and talking to you helped to pass the time while I was feeling ill (it was quite painful) and while I was recovering. So thank you!
Hi Pam....yeah, making it through the anniversary of bomb day feels like a victory of sorts. As I look back, I'm so thankful to at least be down the road from that horrible time, even if not where I want to be.
I knew all last summer (actually a year ago last summer, this is fall, isn't it?) something was up with H....I knew at almost EXACTLY the time it turned physical....I suspect an emotional affair started at just about the time she came to work here and was in the office next to him, which was two years ago this coming November....
As I look back now, all the signs were so obvious, my instincts were screaming warnings all over the place, I even had dreams over and over again!!!!
Anyway, I KNEW what was going on, even who, but H denied it and said i was being paranoid and imagining stuff.....yeah, right....But I wanted so much to believe him that I stuffed all my intuitive warnings inside and thought I was really losing it. Last fall, I noticed that S12 was very withdrawn and quiet and sullen.....I couldnt for the life of me figure out what was up with him...he's shy around others sometimes, but around me he never shuts up, I literally have to ask him every now and then to be quiet so I can think. It was so out of character for him....H was taking him camping to the lake....a "father/son" activity....yeah, right, they were picking up OW & her D and taking them camping.....
H was gone on Bomb Day, I think "to work" (this was a Saturday)....I was outside watering flowers, and got a phone call. It was a guy, (I think OW's ex-live-in boyfriend) who said I should ask S about the camping weekends.....I had had that little nagging voice anyway....so I did....
Lord, the poor kid broke down like the flood gates had been opened. He was so consumed with guilt it was just eating him up. His dad had been taking him with him to carry on all this crap w/OW, and telling him to keep it secret.
I called OW and gave her my opinion of the situation...LMAO now, I think H was probably at her house when I did, looking back....he came home a couple of hours later, walked through the house without a word, sat down in a chair in the living room looking like he'd been hit by a truck, and I let him have it with both barrels. I remember we both cried all that night and all the next day, I begged and pleaded....reminded him of the promise he made to me before God and our family and friends, and did every other BAD dbing trick known to humankind......I have to say I didn't fully understand how deep and complicated a mess it was....somehow, I naively believed that if I just told him he was mistaken, that I truely did love and want him and that I would work on the things that made him unhappy, that he would say "oh, sorry dear, how could I have been so blind, of course I will immediately tell her to take a hike"
Now at least I can ROFL at my, shall we say, lack of understanding? I remember being blown away on Sunday when I figured out that oh, golly, gee whiz (duh) there was sex involved and she WANTED HIM....wanted him to leave me and marry her......ah yes, and then the sordid drama began!
I'll say one thing, it's taken every ounce of inner strength and stubborness I've had, then some, extra that God had to have thrown in, to get this far.
Hi again! yes, you are right, if they were at all suspicious they'd have done the path workup right then and there....but it's still a scary thing to wait out...
I hope you are taking this opportunity to pamper yourself....do something enjoyable just for Dawn!!!! probably something kind of tame right now, but I don't know, naps and books and being a little lazy sound like a good course of action for a little while to me! or chocolate or ice cream, hmmmmmmmm....or jewelry? see how carried away I could get? seriously, take care of yourself and be nice to yourself! you are such a sweety!
I had to laugh right out loud about the ice cream and chocolate! My H was sweet enough to buy me two pints of Ben & Jerry's and a huge Hershey bar when he went grocery shopping. He brought one pint of ice cream to my bedside the night after the surgery........I ate the whole damn thing! LOL
The next morning he looked in amazement at the empty container and said, "Oh my God, did you eat the candy bar too?" LOL
ah, Dawn! I always knew you were a woman after my own heart! I'm LOL too....of course I would eat all the Ice cream and the chocolate and then ask for more! but, what the heck, we deserve to be indulged every so often!!! You take care, and let me know the second you hear something!
About a 3 hour job that I always handle. Twice he brought me sliced apples and bananas for breakfast- each with it's own toothpick! LOL I had to laugh at that.
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