Lat night at S's religion class, I got there early for pick up and took a book in to read as I waited....this is a large room, actually a gym partitioned in half, and has some school lunch tables in it. I sat at one in the middle of the room and read ( Passionate marriage, by the way)...when the kids first began coming out, I noticed a child stopped in front of me....I glanced up, didnt immediately know who it was, but it was OW's D....the poor kid gasped like she had seen a ghost and opened and closed her mouth like a fish gulping for air....I blinked and she quickly went to her mother, who put her arm around her.
I thought this was the oddest thing...at first I thought it was an accident, but then I came to think the child was wanting to say something to me, I don't have a clue what, a confrontation?????? The poor kid, to be so drug in to her mom's crap.... I can not imagine what OW must have told her about me. I've never said an unkind word about the child to anyone, or even thought it. I guess if she ever does say anything, all I can do is validate with something like "I can see how it must seem that way" or "it must be hard"....
Of course then the devil on my shoulder brings to mind the fact that I COULD always make copies of the ugly come-on letters her mom wrote to my H and give them to her....
Weird stuff still.....I feel so sorry for that child, she is such a lost girl....her dad and his new wife don't want anything to do with her (as reported by H from what OW told him of course)........
I don't know if this will help but I have had similar situations with my H. Every time I have asked for reassurance about his ONS that it really was a ONS and not something more and that it really is over he gets angry. I finally asked him why he was getting angry. Was he angry at me? He said no, He is angry at himself. Every time the ONS is brought up he has to relive how stupid he acted and how much he hurt me. He is struggling with forgiving himself. I think he has an intense fear that I will never get past it and that I will never believe him and I will never trust him again. He is trying so hard to show me that he loves me and that he is trustworthy and every time I say anything about it I think he sees it as undermining his efforts. Sage has a really good post about a discussion she had with her H that I think may help.
Thanks MF, this does help. Somehow in my anxiety it hadnt occured to me that it could be his anger and fear that he's reacting to. I wish he could just say that to me! If this is what's happening, then any mention of it is a BIG cheeseless tunnel. But NEVER talking about it doesnt seem an option that will help me to heal.
Is Sage's post in her latest thread???? what is your thread?
I feel like you are off the coaster and maybe have switched over to the merry go round, fun for a while, but also slighly nauseating if you stay on too long.
Leave OW's D out of this, period. She needs your prayers and nothing more. But I do wonder what she wanted to say to you.
As for your H I am wondering if the "honeymoon" period of reconnection is over and you are falling back into old more mundane patterns.
Weren't you supposed to go away sometime in October?
I will repeat my mantra from earlier this summer : He is not going to leave you for OW.
Quite frankly I think that you might benefit from a little away time from H, too much togetherness can breed familiarity. Go away overnight with a gal pal and give H a chance to miss you.
Have you ever read the Mars Venus book? I highly recommend it and think that you would benefit from it.
I really do not think that your H is back with OW (her name is Donna, right?)
I think that it is possible that he not totally disconnected from her, but I think that back with her is not really the truth.
She may be pressuring him or otherwise doing things to try and re-engage H and he may be sucked into that a little bit, but I DON'T think that he is all the way "in."
A friend reminded me yesterday that this truly is a spiritual battle and this is the part that I needed to hear, that it is a battle against Satan who is trying to destroy our M and wreck our families.
It is not a battle against H or even OW.
Satan sees that he is losing the battle, so he is fighting harder to get H back on his side
