A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


Save your marriage singlehandedly
with Divorce Busting Telephone Coaching
SPECIAL BLACK FRIDAAY OFFER!
Save $90. Offer available November 27-30 only
THREE DIVORCE BUSTING TELEPHONE COACHING SESSION FOR ONLY $300

CALL 303-444-7004 or use code: SAVE $90 in the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Something learned so far on The Road Back #348585
09/13/04 06:21 PM
09/13/04 06:21 PM
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 8,334
The GREAT Pacific Northwest
Jamesjohn Offline OP
Moderator
Jamesjohn  Offline OP
Moderator
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 8,334
The GREAT Pacific Northwest
Here's a post from AJScott, who is seeing some positive results in just a short amount of time DB'ing!

**********************************************************

I sometimes have a tendency to over-write, so I'll keep this as short as possible. Quick background: Married going on 20 years, with kids. Marriage pronounced DOA by Walkaway Wife before and after discovery of her affair. I was turned on to Michele's book ("Divorce Remedy") and began working myself to save our marriage. We are not separated, and our marriage never disintegrated to the point where we began to argue or hate the sight of each other; we simply grew disinterested, disenchanted, and disengaged (or as I like to call it, "Absentee Me"). Anyway, within just a few days of reading "DR" and starting to make genuine, lasting changes within myself, there have been a LOT of very small -- yet very positive -- responses from my wife that would not have come had I not been following Michele's program. We've been spending a lot more time together and discovering that we really like it -- and each other. And the biggest positive sign for me so far is that my wife has over the past few days become more affectionate toward me and has begun speaking in terms of "we." While she hasn't specifically stated that she is now thinking less about divorce or dropped the idea altogether (I haven't asked her straight out -- and I don't intend to, either, because temperature-taking is destructive and I'll know for sure in its own good time), she hasn't stated specifically that she still *is* considering it. For me, every new day that goes by (with me continuing on track to make genuine, lasting changes in me that I know she has always wanted and needs to see continue) without her saying she wants a divorce or separation is one more nail in *that* beast's coffin. All I know for certain from Michele's program is that walkaway mates convinced that divorce is the best decision do NOT suddenly start voluntarily doing things out of the blue to spend more time with you.

In the meantime, I've encountered a few things that I don't recall Michele specifically mentioning in the book (or seen mentioned much by others who post on this site) that I'd like to share from time to time that might be helpful to others trying to find their way back, just like me. Here's one:

If you've begun working with the program and get to the point where your partner is starting to spend more time with you, and you find yourselves enjoying it, avoid the urge to start discussing your relationship -- especially the first few times. It's easy to feel like this time together might never come again (especially if it's taken you forever to get together in the first place), so you might as well milk it for all it's worth. Well, don't do it -- that's just introducing pressure and emotion. People like doing enjoyable things, and talking about a screwed-up relationship isn't enjoyable for most people. Nobody has *ever* argued, blamed, cried, wheedled, begged, pleaded, slammed a door, or told someone to fark off while two people were doing something enjoyable and relaxing.

While you both will have to discuss your life eventually, use your time to let it dawn on you that you both actually like spending time together. Especially if you're in a walkaway relationship like mine, this is one of the first things that is going to start providing the hope to your walkaway mate -- or even the actual, undeniable proof -- that things CAN be salvaged and that your marriage CAN be better than you ever imagined it could. Just enjoy that time and let it work its own quiet little brand of miracle -- let that good will and good feeling keep building and growing instead of first concentrating on discussing your broken relationship and who might need to do what in order to begin to mend it.

AJS


JJ

Read about Divorce Busting« Telephone Coaching here!
Re: Something learned so far on The Road Back #348586
11/19/04 08:44 PM
11/19/04 08:44 PM
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 8,334
The GREAT Pacific Northwest
Jamesjohn Offline OP
Moderator
Jamesjohn  Offline OP
Moderator
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 8,334
The GREAT Pacific Northwest
^


JJ

Read about Divorce Busting« Telephone Coaching here!
Re: Something learned so far on The Road Back [Re: Jamesjohn] #1309398
12/28/07 12:55 PM
12/28/07 12:55 PM
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 4,757
Hawai'i
Tia Offline
Member
Tia  Offline
Member
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 4,757
Hawai'i
Up!!


Moderated by  Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004