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Re: This site worked for me! #34813
09/09/05 06:11 PM
09/09/05 06:11 PM
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 8,334
The GREAT Pacific Northwest
Jamesjohn Offline
Moderator
Jamesjohn  Offline
Moderator
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 8,334
The GREAT Pacific Northwest
Up!


JJ

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Re: This site worked for me! [Re: Jamesjohn] #987515
03/24/07 10:45 PM
03/24/07 10:45 PM
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 152
TX
maryfromaustin Offline
Member
maryfromaustin  Offline
Member
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 152
TX
Success,

Seems like you completely alienated yourself from her. This made her wonder about YOU. Why is he moving on so quickly, what's going on with him, etc etc. I don't know if that could work with me. I've done the LRT and the 180s. Both have worked in their own way. Only now I'm stuck in the middle. My H isn't showing signs of coming back home. He does come around alot, he plays around with me (not sexually), he makes dinner, etc etc. But he doesn't want to work on our marriage. Am I missing something here?

Thanks for your input and congratulations on your marriage.


me = 34
H = 35
kids = 3
worst day of my life: march 24, 2006
he filed: april 20
Present day: Wedding ring on, he's looking forward to another baby, taking day by day, we talk about our feelings whenever possible.
Re: This site worked for me! [Re: maryfromaustin] #987533
03/24/07 11:15 PM
03/24/07 11:15 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 348
J
julio Offline
Member
julio  Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 348
I must tell you that after 7 months of seperation hell I have decided to give up and move on. We are in according to her "divorce" counseling. I am tired of paying bills on a house and lifestyle I am not allowed to have. So I instructed my lawyer to get her side to start moving. Lately she has been nice to me, although she does not know that I have instructed my lawyer to get them to move. Last night I went to see my d. at a ballet. When she was on stage I quietly cried. I tried very hard to hide it. The w. saw it. She talked to a mutual friend wondering if the tears were real. The friend said hell yes! My goodness is the w. that dumb. This is very painful! On a side note she and I did have a nice time together, joked laughed etc. However at one point she introduced herself as w. smith and this is julio smith rather than as my h. julio. I am not surprised but is was sort of a shock to hear that.

Anyway, I am preparing the next stage of my life. We need to split the only real asset we have - our house. That will be painful - more so to her than me. Maybe the shock will cause her to think about things maybe not. However waiting only hurts me. Yes I do hope for a result like success' but I just cannot wait anymore. It is killing me.

Re: This site worked for me! [Re: julio] #987555
03/24/07 11:49 PM
03/24/07 11:49 PM
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 152
TX
maryfromaustin Offline
Member
maryfromaustin  Offline
Member
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 152
TX
hi julio,

I know how you feel. It kills me inside when I see my kids school functions or when I see them in old photos. They've grown so much in just one year. The other night my H stared at each one of them and was mesmerized. He said he couldn't believe how much they've grown. He even said he can't believe how much he's missed out on..................HELLO!!! wake up call? My son will be 9 this year. He's the oldest and he's taken it pretty hard. My H was his best buddy and he's missed out on his dad this long. I can only pray that I've taught my son to not give up on anyone or anything. Never blame anyone (he's gotten angry over his dad leaving) and never ever hate anyone. Inside I just wanted to scream for all the crap that I've been through with my H but I realize it's not all his fault for leaving.


me = 34
H = 35
kids = 3
worst day of my life: march 24, 2006
he filed: april 20
Present day: Wedding ring on, he's looking forward to another baby, taking day by day, we talk about our feelings whenever possible.
Re: This site worked for me! [Re: maryfromaustin] #987558
03/24/07 11:55 PM
03/24/07 11:55 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 348
J
julio Offline
Member
julio  Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 348
My w. has absolutely no job prospects. She is still working for me and would like to continue (huh?). She will never be able to afford the house and it is a big issue with me that he/she who pays for the house gets it! Kids can stay! Look I am not trying to be mean, I just want to protect myself. I pay all the bills, should I not get the assets that go with it? For her the only thing that has changed is that I do not live with her. For me I have lost my w., family (sorry folks a part time dad is just not the same as a full time dad) and my house. I want this over! I want to buy a nice place to provide for my kids and start over. I could give a damn what happens to her. If she wants to try any sort of reconciliation fine. I will continue with "whatever" counseling with the small hope that maybe we can work things out. However, she needs to understand that she has more to lose than I do. Her move.

One thing I find strange is that she tells our mutual friend every damn thing I do. Mean or nice. What the hell for? She says it is over, why run to and tell someone what I am up for. Is she seeking validation for her stupidity. Probably. But the latest about me crying at the ballet was strange. What fool would not think those were real tears!

Our friend did do something I thought was interesting. She told w. that she was mean and too defensive and that trait probably drove me to the state of mind that made w. mad. W. started defending herself and friend said, see I told you so. That is what I have been screaming about for years! W. has a problem that has driven me nuts. She just cannot admit that she is to blame sometimes. Everything is someone fault. Maybe this so called divorce counseling may shed some light on that who knows.

Last edited by julio; 03/25/07 12:00 AM.
Re: This site worked for me! [Re: julio] #989357
03/26/07 08:27 PM
03/26/07 08:27 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 348
J
julio Offline
Member
julio  Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 348
We had a small argument last night. Surprisingly it ended postive. She did want to argue about what I said in counseling. I told her that I would not discuss what was said in counseling at all! She blamed me for the d. I told her she was selfish! Nevertheless we ended on a positive note. She is super b$tchy lately. I keep my distance!

She keeps putting off the hard reality of d. She has her independence but has not been paying the price. The price will be that she must find a job and if I am paying the bills on it, she must move out of the house. I am sure she is going to pull the kid card, in response I will say, well the kids can stay. It is time for her to grow up and stop using me.

Stay tuned.

Last edited by julio; 03/26/07 08:27 PM.
Re: This site worked for me! [Re: julio] #1004608
04/08/07 04:24 AM
04/08/07 04:24 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 832
R
RMG77739 Offline
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RMG77739  Offline
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R
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 832
Originally Posted By: julio
Our friend did do something I thought was interesting. She told w. that she was mean and too defensive and that trait probably drove me to the state of mind that made w. mad. W. started defending herself and friend said, see I told you so. That is what I have been screaming about for years! W. has a problem that has driven me nuts. She just cannot admit that she is to blame sometimes. Everything is someone fault. Maybe this so called divorce counseling may shed some light on that who knows.


julio,

That is typical! My exW blamed me for everything as well. She said I never wanted to do anything.... Yet, when a band we BOTH liked came to town, she did NOT want to go because it was on a work night! You need to get used to it....... She is not responsible for anything!

RMG


"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"

Re: This site worked for me! [Re: Success] #1185239
09/02/07 03:15 PM
09/02/07 03:15 PM
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 101
V
very sad Offline
Member
very sad  Offline
Member
V
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 101
Hi everyone - my H told me 6 months ago that he wanted a divorce but then he never mentioned it again so I thought that we were working on our relationship. Yesterday I got a letter in the mail from his lawyer telling me I should get a lawyer for my marital problems. I went into the other room and asked my H what this was about and he said it's the beginning of D. I was shocked because I really didn't see it coming. I told him this is not what I want and that I still loved him and begged him to work on it he said no. We have been married for 6 years and have a 3 year old son I'm so sad and could use any help anyone can give me. I still love him and will do anything to make my M work. Please help me!!!!

Re: This site worked for me! [Re: julio] #1198780
09/13/07 01:57 AM
09/13/07 01:57 AM
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 821
Divorce Busting Center USA
Virginia Offline
Member
Virginia  Offline
Member
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 821
Divorce Busting Center USA
-^-

Re: This site worked for me! [Re: Success] #1308185
12/27/07 10:24 AM
12/27/07 10:24 AM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 212
Sacramento, CA
S
still hopeful Offline
Member
still hopeful  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 212
Sacramento, CA
Thank you for posting your success, Success. Your situation shows me that not all is lost just because the D is final. Rather than hijack your thread, I'll start my own and hope for support and encouragement in my journey.

Thanks again for posting your fantastic story.


Letting Go Tom; JUST DO IT!
previously hopeful_husband

my A: Fall 05
W found out: Feb 06; separated immediately
W pursued D, final 7/11/07

me: 43
XW: 34
D8
S3
joint legal/physical custody
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