Hi Tman, I suggest that if your W is being irresponsible with money, you not delay the filing of the D. Of course, every state is different, but here in Florida, once you file for D, your debt is yours and your spouse's debt is theirs. For example, say my H went out and bought a brand new bass boat prior to me filing for D, without my knowledge or consent....that bass boat debt is considered to be a MARITAL debt, for which I am halfway responsible. But, if he bought the boat AFTER I filed for D, then that debt is ALL HIS. I hope that made sense!
When my XH first left, he was spending money like mad. When our cash started depleting, I headed straight for the bank and closed the account. No way would I let him break my heart AND rob me, too! He then started piling on the credit card debt. I knew then that I HAD to file for D , for financial reasons, to protect myself and my kids. Florida does not have a legal separation..you are either D or you are M...no grey area in between...and the only way to protect yourself financially is to file for D. It stinks, but that's the law here.
Thanks for your input. Here's the sitch. W has already, supposedly, filed. I have seen the document from her attorney, before it was filed. They supposedly sent it as a heads up. The issue here is that We have a joint acount that we typically pay the bills from and get our daily cash, when needed.
The problem is that we no longer have enough cash to pay balances on the credit cards in full, due to legal expenses. It's not like she is overspending; but she is not cutting back as much as needed. All I am trying to do is to get her to curb it while all of this is going on. I need to be able to pay the essentials. Mortgage, auto loan, ins., heat, electricity, etc. Things like my D9's dance, S4's preschool, are not mandatory and even though it hurts me to not let them do that, it is just a byproduct of what is going on. Problem is if I shut off money to that account, then checks she writes might bounce and cause more headaches; but if I cut her off and tell her that she needs to come to me to get money, then I'm sure that we'll end up in a bigger legal battle. You see, I just don't know how to do this the right way. She needs to understand that unfortunately, whether we like it or not, the money is not there.
I am trying to make sure that neither of us ends up in debt that we can't get out of later. She may not love me anymore or want to work it out; but I do care what happens to both of us. After all we are husband and wife still. Even after the D, I will probably still care in some respect. Heck if I was part of screwing up our marriage, the least I am trying to do is to save ourselves financially during this lousy time. I just don't know how to make her understand. Right now, she talks nice; but seems so angry, that she thinks that life can just go on the way it has been for her and the kids, only without me.
Just looking for a solution. I always paid my bills in full; but now I am only able to make minimum or just above minimum payments and if we spend more, the debt keeps rising!!!
I have to check again; but in MA, there is no legal separation.
Another issue here is that the house was bought before we were married, under my name. Iknow that this doesn't make any difference to the courts when dealing with the D. However, I don't have any orders that bar me from going to lve at the house; but the minute I would attempt to, she would try and threaten me with calling the cops, with out any reason. I may have yelled or gotten angry about things during and argument; but I never have been in trouble with the law nor do I intend to. That is why I am not there. I would go back, as it is my house and as the lawyer says, I have every right to; but why take a chance at someone lying about me and having problems with the law?
As far as the attorney, I haven't talked to him since Thursday. Last we discussed, was that he was going to call her attorney and have them send the D filings to his office, instead of my work. Haven't heard, so either it hasn't gotten to him yet or her A hasn't processed them, which I doubt; but don't know, as I have never been through this before? He also said to stand pat and don't do anything stupid. So, I haven't changed anything from what was going on before I got the letter from her A. In fact, I have still tried to work on M regardless, in the hopes that a miracle would occur, though very doubtful.
What usually happens? Right now, I got a copy of what supposedly was being filed and it was dated August 31, 2004. I assume that this is the date it was filed??? Does it take a bit of time for it to go through the courts?
In NC once you get the papers it takes 30-60 days to receive the decree.
Can you ask your W what the status is of the paperwork? When you ask her don't be negative. Say something like...."I want to ensure we get all this done as smooth as possible. I was curious what the status of the paperwork is?"
I would also consult you lawyer again. I know it cost money but it may be worth the money now so it can save you in the long run.
Just got a call from my A and he said that he had a cordial talk with the other A and that the papers would be sent to his office.
He wants to meet tomorrow to get financial info. I know that my Cousin and his W who are both A's recommended him; but I just don't get that I'm behind you feeling with him. I need to know that he is going to fight for me. Maybe most of the law is so cut and dry that there isn't alot he can do; but I would like to feel more comfortable with him as he is representing me.
Will he fight to insure that I have a life after this? To me, that is what he should be doing.
Was your D amicable and pretty much fair as D's go? Were the 2 of you able to have a decent enough place to live and some semblance of a social life and the ability to meet someone else if wanted?
I don't want this D; but I do want to be able to move on and not be so poor that I am in the slums and dangerous living conditions. I busted my butt to get where I am and feel that I should still get to enjoy some of that and she should too. If not, then I might as well not have ever gone to college.
I was always fiscally responsible and now I feel like I am on the brink of financial ruins. If W could just realize that unless we cooperate, that we will end up screwed.
I always believe that fair is fair and regardless of her feelings to me or I to her, that neither one should take an adverserial approach to this D. We should be able to discuss and come up with a workable solution.
