I guess with the stress I'm feeling pretty down on myself today for not saving my marriage.
I let J win and I have beat her in the ring before. She sucks the pizazz and confidence right out of her dogs so that most of the time they perform like they have been beaten. She is a very rough trainer, lots of jerking and not a lot of positive reinforcement. It would take a tough dog to handle her training methods without being cowed.
You see I don't see D as tough enough to take her training methods. My thought is he is going to end up cowed just like her dogs. Why doesn't the thought of that make me happy after what he has put me through the past 2 and a half years? Instead I feel sadness for him because I still think he is lost and looking for someone else to make him happy and fulfilled feeling.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
btw: The reference to D not being tough enough to handle J's training methods was because she basically handles her R's the way she trains. You are expected to toe the line and do things her way or the crap hits the fan!
But as long as you go along with her she can be fun to be around.
She always told me I owed her for all the training she did on D before I married him.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
May I point out that 6 months ago a post like that would have meant the "damage" was already done????
Do you KNOW how incredibly awesome it is that you could see/watch your reaction and not act on it???
Sage
Hi again Sage,
I hope you will accept my gratitude for your post and recognition of my improvement and my most sincere apology for invalidating your compliment.
I am stressed over the divorce, just so sad that it is almost over then work went all to H*LL this afternoon and my mood went plumeting. I had been managing it most of the day till the work stress was added.
I did manage not to crazymake just to invalidate you and post a few times on the bb. I do see that as a big step forward for me.
But I had to scrap myself off the bottom before I could "see" anything.
So thank you again and hope you have a great evening.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: I hope you will accept my gratitude for your post and recognition of my improvement and my most sincere apology for invalidating your compliment.
Actually, my friend, not to invalidate your apology BUT... you thanked me very nicely for my compliment and then, while you DID offer up a less-than-positive observation -- it was VERY thoughtful, not-at-all invalidating -- you said how you FELT -- not like it was gospel truth -- but as feelings.
THAT, in my mind, is another giant step for Pam!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: you said how you FELT -- not like it was gospel truth -- but as feelings.
Cool, you are right! I hadn't noticed that at all.
Darn some of this stuff must have sunk into the subconscious because that certainly wasn't a conscious post.
The thing that makes me really happy is I did NOT crazymake and I could have, because I spoke to D on the phone today at least twice. Once about water at the house and again about the stupid work computer that gave me the afternoon of fits.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Maybe I need to get me some of that zoloft?! I went off my meds about two months ago, Lexapro and the only thing I really notice is that I'm not as tired as I used to be.
Thanks for chatting with me, my mood has really come up and the anger is softening and I'm getting unblocked. I can think of something to compare it to but it would be a little to much sharing It's a lot of work being mad!
Well, maybe when I am off of the Zoloft I won't feel so tired. That will be a plus.
Right now I think I am really going to miss it. So I started this morning to really focus on the meditating more so that is in place for when no more Zoloft.
I am glad you feel better though, that anger is no fun.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
