Quote: 9) If I ask him to do something, and he says no, along with some excuse/obstacle. Ignore the excuse/obstacle, recognize that he's trying to soften his no.
This one really hit me along with some of the others. But D does this and I STILL hadn't really realized it! That is why I don't always understand what he is really telling me.
I know none of this matters now for my R, but for some reason it seems important to cover some of this ground for myself.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I hope you don't mind if I hijack a bit of space. Still don't feel like starting a thread.
I am finding lots of useful info for me in your threads. In the beginning I went back and read threads through, then I started following so many people and posting so much I didn't have time to go back and read past histories. I think it would have been good for me to do that more.
I read Calystra's again last night, it is one that I had read all the way through and I saw things different in it this year than last year when I read it. I believe it is the difference in me that is allowing me to see things differently. I like the differences in me and the different things I am picking up on in my reading now.
I actually at this point believe it is going to be good for me to move into my own place. I e-mailed a friend this morning that I believe God directed me to this house. I need to do more healing and I think it is possible that what I need to do to make the progress is here at this new location.
If I had got the first house or even stayed at PK I believe I would have crawled into a hole and stayed there. Especially when the Zoloft ends. That scares me. But here I have already met two lovely neighbors and see possibilities of some form of friendship developing that may help me go in directions I need to go to continue healing.
Not that I wouldn't have loved to save this marriage, I just believe I would need more healing time before I was ready to be back together full time. I actually believe I needed healing time 6 years ago BEFORE marrying David.
Thank you for the space.
Have a lovely day!
PS Promise to start new thread before long and not hijack space again!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: 9) If I ask him to do something, and he says no, along with some excuse/obstacle. Ignore the excuse/obstacle, recognize that he's trying to soften his no.
This one really hit me along with some of the others. But D does this and I STILL hadn't really realized it! That is why I don't always understand what he is really telling me.
I know none of this matters now for my R, but for some reason it seems important to cover some of this ground for myself.
"Men are from Mars..." has a really enlightening chapter on asking for what you want and how to handle not getting it and how men react to requests, etc.
Might be interesting reading, Pam.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: 13) I need to remember that people don't value what they get for free. Most people value stuff more, the more they pay for it. By giving my husband me for free, I'm only hurting myself and our relationship. I'm only giving him permission to not value me.
Ok... so how do you not give him yourself for free?
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Well, when I originally posted that little blurb, I was talking about my calling him. Basically, I was doing all the work of maintaining our relationship...all he had to do was sit back and wait for me to call.
So, at that point, I was wanting him to pick up the phone and call me.
These days, it is different. Little things, like our agreement of not playing EQ (something he wants) unless we've worked out first (something I want!).
Oh, and speaking of working out, the other night, I finished my work out early and left him to finish his on his own. He came to me the next day and told me that he found it surprisingly hard to complete the work out on his own without me there, sharing the struggle. That's great! Now he understands why I value his company in my workouts! Plus what a great compliment to me...he missed me!
That is why I don't always understand what he is really telling me. 
