Hey, T. Understandable that you'd be frustrated by your XW not adhering to your custody arrangement. As we say, accountability is their kryptonite, especially when a legal agreement is likely involved.
I appreciate you sharing your arrangement. If my D goes through, I am thinking about what is best for my D13. She seems to want to stay at both places and, to me, it is important that she do so. When my parents divorced, my father made me go to my mother's, even when I didn't want to. Now, it might have been as much for him to get a "break" as his belief that my feelings about my mom were fleeting and I needed to experience both parents. Either way, it helped me see more about both parents, understand how they were unlikely to have been incompatible in the long run, and appreciate the pros/cons of living with either. From that experience, I'd say kids see and hear more than we think. And, they apply it later in life in how they choose to relate to each parent.
Keep doing what is best for you and your kids. Have faith in that guiding principle. If their free will (or bad judgment) pulls them to your XW, so be it. You'll have done the best you could. And, I suspect they'll see that and respond accordingly.
Thanks guys. Yeah I'm not sure what the best answer is. XW and I honestly (I think) are trying to do what is in sons best interest. But I also think it's putting a lot of pressure on him.
He stayed with me Sunday and Monday, and XW picked him up yesterday evening. I probably won't see him again till Friday. There is nothing more heartbreaking than him leaving, knowing I won't see him again for a few days. I hate to say it, in a small way it's nice to get a little break, but it's also really depressing.
MrP, i haven't been up to much. I think I said before, the first 2 months of this were actually easy, due to being so damn busy with the house, sons activities, etc. Now things have slowed down and reality has set in. It's weird, in a way all of this feels somehow 'temporary'.
I've met and went out with a girl a few times. Am I ready to date? I don't know. Probably not. But the alternative to going to dinner or something with her is going out to bars with my alcoholic friends. I really need to refocus on my health (mental and physical), and also not blowing money.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
I get it, T. Company is good and, if you've got your mind in the right place, the gender of the company doesn't matter. And, especially in the evenings, options for social engagement can be limited and many involve blowing money and drinking.
I've been keeping an eye out for cultural events that are open to the public as an alternative. It can be a great way to mix things up with a new crowd that has at least one interest in common with me. I've also had some co-workers and neighbors bugging me about hanging out so I've finally taken them up on those offers. Much like 180s, you just have to proactively keep trying to identify different alternatives, ideally things you've wanted to try but haven't or things that you know you'd enjoy and take it from there. I may have said this once before...and heard it from a former counselor...it is also important to be able to self-soothe and spend time alone without relying on others for comfort or company. That is one of the best pieces of guidance I'd ever received and I've made major progress on it since then.
Indeed I also understand what you mean by things feeling "temporary" or surreal in some ways in our situations. For me, it has helped to just revisit my short- and long-term goals and make sure I'm making progress on things like retirement (+10 years out), relationships with family and friends, mapping out what D13 has coming our way over the next few years approaching high school and college. Phew. That generates enough to keep my mind and body busy alone!
Anyway, good to hear your update and looking forward to more down the road. Take care. P
