put my online courses on hold until the first week of January because i couldn't concentrate with the stress about money and i didn't want to fail the course.
How are the courses going?
Glad to read your counselling is going well. Hang in there. Keep doing the inner work.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
well unfortunately between the divorce and my recent health issues my concentration is almost nil. im trying to focus on getting out of the funk and find a place to live. once i get that off of my plate i will start back. ive at least got past the suicide thoughts for now.
so my wife gave me the papers to sign tonight. she wanted me to sign them without filling out division of property. she expects me to just trust her. im not stupid so of course im not. ive got a consultation tomorrow with a lawyer. i will be getting advice from him. my wife got extremely agitated that im going to see a lawyer. she says its not a complicated divorce so i shouldn't need to talk to a lawyer. Im just worried about her retaliating by changing the locks. meanwhile shes going out on a date tomorrow night. i have a codependency meeting tomorrow night so her kids 12 and 16 will be home alone. not that big of a deal but she has this weekend free she could have scheduled her date then since according to her she wants to be alone and spend time with her kids.
Good for you. Yes, see a lawyer. Ensure you know your rights, and get a good/fair deal.
W is eager to push the divorce forward. Let her. You don’t need to place boulders in her way, nor pave her path in gold. Of course, improperly filled out forms won’t cut it. She’s got some work to do before you consider signing. And she might even be more generous in her present state.
Anyhow, give W lots of time and space. Go dim/dark. Go LRT. Let her feel the weight of her choices.
You, focus on you. Live/love your life.
Stay strong man. You got this.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
my wife got extremely agitated that im going to see a lawyer. she says its not a complicated divorce so i shouldn't need to talk to a lawyer.
My wife tried this same thing with me. No dice. She wanted to have a lawyer but not me. Her lawyer has not presented me with any kind of draft proposal, and it's been eight months. I think it's safe to say we both want to be out of each other's way at this point, so I don't know why she's dragging her feet. If my lawyer wants to make the first move, that's fine with me at this point.
Look out for your interests; take care of yourself and your health. You are always priority #1 from this point on.
Me 59 W 47 T 26 M 23 S18, S14 BD May 2023 D filed June 2023 OM1 confirmed: December 2023 OM2 confirmed: October 2023
Wayward and walkaway spouses will sometimes try to capitalize on the fact that we're still reeling from the BD or idea of D. As others have said, talk with the attorney you referenced. Talk with 3-4 more that offer free consultations. When I was searching for an L, I got lots of great information from each of the 5 with whom I spoke. Lots of what they shared overlapped, but each offered some unique wisdom about specific topics. Nobody will take care of you as well as you can yourself with the decisions you make for yourself right now. Let your L tell you what best to do in your situation.
my wife and i went over our taxes tonight. my disability check doesnt have taxes taken out so to offset that we were taken extra out of my wifes check every week during last year. we got back some on federal but we owed 250$ state tax. she said that its fair that we split the federal 60/40 me getting 40. and i have to pay the state tax. does this sound fair?
well it looks like divorce is going to proceed. i have moved everything bills and such to my account. the only thing left to do is sign the papers which im doing tomorrow. we are waiting for our taxes to come back so i will be moving out by april 1st. and then it will be no contact for a while other then to get the kids together for a day at the park or movie or something. she already has someone shes talking to so i guess thats it. part of me says good riddance to someone that has treated me this way but i was really hoping to save the marriage. fools hope i think
The 60/40 split of your federal tax refund sounds reasonable. Also, squabbling over a few extra percentage is more headache than it’s worth. Obviously I only know what you’ve shared, and my surmised amount of your refund, and how much say 10% is, just doesn’t make it worth trying to get 50/50.
Originally Posted by aphexx13
well it looks like divorce is going to proceed.
Sorry man.
It takes two to marry, and only one to divorce. A LBS cannot stop a headstrong spouse from exiting. Your STBXW is determined of her path. Let go. Become the new and improved you. Become healed and whole.
Originally Posted by aphexx13
i have moved everything bills and such to my account. the only thing left to do is sign the papers which im doing tomorrow.
I imagine the paperwork is pretty straight forward. And you did have a L involved.
Originally Posted by aphexx13
i was really hoping to save the marriage. fools hope i think
I do not find hope foolish. You did what you could in effort to salvage, save, restore, your marriage and relationship. W had other plans.
Your efforts, your willingness, your hope, demonstrates who you are. A darn find man, IMHO.
So we get up, dust off, and keep moving forward.
The future is unwritten and unknown. Grab the pen and write your’s in big bold lettering. Make it a great life and story.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
