You know I'm gonna come at ya from a different perspective, cause that's what I do....
Reading this, I get the feeling that the situation with your FIL is actually taking the front seat anyhow.
Some of what you/her are saying makes sense, yet a LOT of it doesn't.
A WAS that wants to come back, yet isn't pursuing, doesn't want to put the effort in to work on things, let alone a Woman that doesn't appear to want to work toward a healthy, happy, emotional connection... ????
Hmmm.....
Mike, I really feel as if she is facing the loss of her Father, and facing the loss of you, and everything that has been "real" in her life to this point, and she is scared schidtless that the bottom is gonna fall out of everything for her, and she is looking to YOU to be her safe spot to land...
I think a lot of this is a "touch and go" for her. She is trying to say the right things , yet just enough to keep you "close" for her next patch of unknown. Words and actions certainly aren't aligning.
I would suggest this....
Make yourself a list of what a reconciliation would look like for you. What supports the person that you are becoming, where you want to be. A template of sorts, of what you want in a partner. How they define love, and how they support you in your morals and values.
Then be totally honest with yourself when you hold her up to it....
Without total brutal honesty, open communication, and transparency from both parties, there can be no trust rebuilt. and I certainly don't see you both there.....
On another note....
Did you find that site ?
I think it was "Bullnose Ford Trucks".....on Read it....(or something similarly spelled)...
For now ???
Words change nothing....
Keep being Mike for now, deal with what is in front of you immediately.
IF this is real, then that is long road, and you WILL have time to figure it out.
And whatever you do, DO NOT sell yourself, just so that you can say that you are still married....
Thanks guys, I will carry on for now and use your suggestions. I definitely need to write down what reconciliation looks like to me. Mach, I was talking with a friend and brought up the same concerns. I’m afraid, there’s that fear again, that she is trying to get back to a secure, safe place while we go through this with her dad. When things get better(or worse) then she may not feel the same way about us. I know that’s out of my control, still think it’s a legitimate concern. Also, I found a couple of Fb pages for Bull nose Fords, wasn’t sure if you were on either of them.
D- no she did mot change her mind. Lots of excuses to not go. What are you gonna do?
I think with everything going on right now I will take her words as a small positive sign and just keep on doing what I’ve been doing. No rush, I just hate that at some point things could fall apart due to me not letting her sweep everything under the rug, so to speak.
Thanks guys, I will carry on for now and use your suggestions. I definitely need to write down what reconciliation looks like to me. Mach, I was talking with a friend and brought up the same concerns. I’m afraid, there’s that fear again, that she is trying to get back to a secure, safe place while we go through this with her dad. When things get better(or worse) then she may not feel the same way about us. I know that’s out of my control, still think it’s a legitimate concern. Also, I found a couple of Fb pages for Bull nose Fords, wasn’t sure if you were on either of them.
D- no she did mot change her mind. Lots of excuses to not go. What are you gonna do?
I think with everything going on right now I will take her words as a small positive sign and just keep on doing what I’ve been doing. No rush, I just hate that at some point things could fall apart due to me not letting her sweep everything under the rug, so to speak.
It's possible that is what she is looking for...
However, I don't see so many of the signs that a person would have, if they are wanting back into a relationship....
There is a certain aspect of "from this day forward" that you will have to recognize, yet there should be a higher level of really wanting this, that should be out there too....
I would suggest just dropping the expectations for now....
Don't expect that things will work out...
Yet, also, don't expect that they won't work out either....
Answers will come in time, and not your time either....
For now ?
Nothing has changed, so why should you ???
I'm on a couple of them, the one from earlier today is the easiest one to see it on...
Last couple if days have been really hard. I feel like I’m back to square one at times. Sad, angry, just generally down in the dumps. I “feel” like I’m being played by W. Those feelings again, as stubborn as those fears. Feel like she’s here for the wrong reasons, not here to be with me. Ever since she told me she was happy again yet wants to sweep everything under the rug and move on I’ve been in a major funk. I look at her or think about how she is now and I wonder what happened to the girl I’ve loved my whole life. This isn’t her and I don’t even know if I love her anymore. Still in love with a memory. That was hard to type. I just don’t see a future with her right now and it [censored].
A part of the convo I forgot about- When she told me she was happy again I asked if her feelings towards me had changed. She didn’t understand the question. I said you told me on BD (I used different terminology) that you weren’t in love with me anymore, is that still true? She said I love you and then tried to say it was the same thing. We talked about it some more and I dropped it. Maybe it shouldn’t have bothered me so much. Maybe I’m just splitting hairs. She is happier acting yet she definitely doesn’t seem like she’s in love again.
I said I would move forward as if that conversation didn’t happen. I can’t seem to though. I feel like an idiot, maybe I should move on. I’m not doing a good job at all lately of trying to forgive her. Maybe I’m really as bad as she thought I was and will be happier with out me.
Last edited by DnJ; 04/28/2304:44 PM. Reason: Corrected typo.
Hey Mike, I'm going to be blunt, she doesn't mean it. People who regret their decisions and want to make things work realize their mistakes and want to atone for them, not sweep them under the rug. If you falter now, and stop DBing you will be back.
As far as you looking at her differently, it doesn't surprise me. What newbies don't realize is there are more than a few marriages that could have been "saved" on these forums and in life, however like you are now, so many before you came to realize their self worth and want more out of their spouse and choose to leave anyway. Sometimes the journey just isn't worth the destination.
Sounds like you got some hard decisions coming up. Please continue to be active.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
Hey Mike, I'm going to be blunt, she doesn't mean it. People who regret their decisions and want to make things work realize their mistakes and want to atone for them, not sweep them under the rug. If you falter now, and stop DBing you will be back.
As far as you looking at her differently, it doesn't surprise me. What newbies don't realize is there are more than a few marriages that could have been "saved" on these forums and in life, however like you are now, so many before you came to realize their self worth and want more out of their spouse and choose to leave anyway. Sometimes the journey just isn't worth the destination.
Sounds like you got some hard decisions coming up. Please continue to be active.
I think her not meaning it is my problem. I didn’t believe it after I really thought about it and it feels like more lies. Maybe she’s not lying to me, lying to herself.
Hey Mike, I'm going to be blunt, she doesn't mean it. People who regret their decisions and want to make things work realize their mistakes and want to atone for them, not sweep them under the rug. If you falter now, and stop DBing you will be back.
As far as you looking at her differently, it doesn't surprise me. What newbies don't realize is there are more than a few marriages that could have been "saved" on these forums and in life, however like you are now, so many before you came to realize their self worth and want more out of their spouse and choose to leave anyway. Sometimes the journey just isn't worth the destination.
Sounds like you got some hard decisions coming up. Please continue to be active.
I think her not meaning it is my problem. I didn’t believe it after I really thought about it and it feels like more lies. Maybe she’s not lying to me, lying to herself.
WASs, and WWs in particular, do a lot of lying to themselves, no doubt about it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
