my self development goal during me time to learn to love unconditionally,
I was watching a clip by marlon Wayans talking about Jada Smith this morning and this caught my attention:
Originally Posted by Marlon Wayans
This woman was so smart. she used to teach me about love.
She had these big power words and descriptions of love when she was 19.
She was telling me love is acceptance. love is unconditional love has no expectations because then you will be disappointed love involves devastation love is forgiving and real love is healing and I learned love is learning to let go. Love is caring about the happiness of others without a thought what we might get for ourselves Love is is not controlling Love is not dependent on an action we do or someone else does
A good exercise might be to see how big we could make this list.
Added to your list. Probably similar and I stole them from another post. Unfortunately I didn’t get this from my mom as an adult. I could never meet her expectations which gave me so much guilt and pushed me so far away. So I have to leave this baggage at the door. I need to keep developing myself to be a better model for my kids and give myself every chance possible to have a relationship with them as adults.
M:51 W:43 T:17 M:15 S:13 D11 10/2022 BD/IHS 03/2023 W moves out
What are your love languages, primary and secondary?
No this is the first I remember hearing of this book. I have no clue with my love languages are. sounds like I need to add this to my list of books to read. I’m reading three books now so I’m gonna wait till I finish one of them before I start another one
you can take a love languages test online, I believe, which I recommend doing ASAP. I also recommend pushing that book to the top of the pile, because once I realized what my love languages were vs my husband's things became a lot clearer. I'd been showing him my love in a million ways (acts of service and touch) while he needed words of affirmation (not so much) so felt unloved. Didn't save our marriage, but did make communication better when I chose to remember that. Even when he did the bare minimum to help during our son's crisis, if I remembered to give words of affirmation for any effort at all it made the rest of the conversation easier.
Read the book. Take the test online. You will be surprised and a puzzle piece or two made slide into place. You're at a time when it's a new chapter and new patterns are being set. Don't put this learning about this tool off.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
What are your love languages, primary and secondary?
No this is the first I remember hearing of this book. I have no clue with my love languages are. sounds like I need to add this to my list of books to read. I’m reading three books now so I’m gonna wait till I finish one of them before I start another one
you can take a love languages test online, I believe, which I recommend doing ASAP. I also recommend pushing that book to the top of the pile, because once I realized what my love languages were vs my husband's things became a lot clearer. I'd been showing him my love in a million ways (acts of service and touch) while he needed words of affirmation (not so much) so felt unloved. Didn't save our marriage, but did make communication better when I chose to remember that. Even when he did the bare minimum to help during our son's crisis, if I remembered to give words of affirmation for any effort at all it made the rest of the conversation easier.
Read the book. Take the test online. You will be surprised and a puzzle piece or two made slide into place. You're at a time when it's a new chapter and new patterns are being set. Don't put this learning about this tool off.
I’m assuming it is called The 5 Love languages by Gary Chapman. Which one do you recommend me buying first:
The 5 Love Languages of men - Gary Chapman speaks straight to men about the rewards of learning and speaking their wife's love language.
The 5 Love Languages of teenagers - loving teens effectively
The 5 Apology Languages: The Secret to Healthy Relationships
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts , Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married
M:51 W:43 T:17 M:15 S:13 D11 10/2022 BD/IHS 03/2023 W moves out
One thing that I notice, and maybe it was brought up in the book, is people pass out what they want to receive. For example, people that like to receive sentimental cards, pass out sentimental cards. Same with gifts ect.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I found The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts to be a good read. It’s interesting to discover what one’s love language is, or if you’re multi-lingual even. And perhaps more interesting is to see what speaks less to you.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I suppose there has been people who posted or at least thought of posting some April fools jokes here. April fools day has always been a fun day for me as a kid. Now as a lay here in bed while my kids are still asleep in their beds at my house I vision the corny jokes they are going to make up. And me fake laughing at their jokes. Or maybe this is the year that the jokes stop due to them getting older. Spring has always been my favorite season. I love the birds chirping in the morning, snow melting, time to put snowblower, shovels, kids sleds, etc away. Neighbors coming outside after “hibernating” and enjoying longer conversations.
I’m grateful for for getting through the toughest step of this process. I’m grateful that most of my days have good parts in them. That I’m at a place where I have had some really happy new experiences. That I have accepted to be consciously aware of my anger and fears. That I’m learning to have joy and understand it’s importance in me.
I see myself being a better parent. I’m not reacting as much with them immediately. Example: I’m not reacting to D11 about being on her electronics as soon as I enter the room. She told me that this make her feel bad. That’s all I needed to hear now that I’m in the right mindset. Now my goal is to just say hi, give her a smile. Maybe say that I love you or give her a hug and then walk away and continue doing what I was doing. Then at the right time when I’m not annoyed I will talk with D11 about the amount of time on electronics. I’m following the same concept with S13.
I still mess up. Still stick my foot in my mouth. Still got upset with S13 when he was at a friends house and it was time for me to pick him up. I couldn’t get a hold of him cause his phone battery died - this happens all the time. Instead of just picking him up and waiting to let him know that he has to be responsible about keeping his phone charged when I was no longer upset. I let him know right away which got him made at me too. I knew immediately after that I should have waited.
W has been away for a week now. I was busy with housekeeping when the kids were gone. the time went by fast. S13 has expressed some all around sadness. I sent an email to his school counselor to make sure they talk this week. D11 says that she just tries not to think about it.
Me GAL has been being housekeeping, reading (got the 5 languages of love on the nightstand. Plan to do the online test this weekend) and going for walks. I planted seeds inside for my vegetable garden. I think I’ll take my kids to a golf simulator today. It’s spring break here and most families are traveling. I will know more about my finances in the next months so I can plan GAL with money.
M:51 W:43 T:17 M:15 S:13 D11 10/2022 BD/IHS 03/2023 W moves out
Unfortunately, it was really hard for me to pick between some of the two choices based on my relationship with my wife over the last 15 or so years. I need to relearn some of the stuff that I really want versus what I really don’t want. but the results I can still agree with overall. I wonder if I get into a healthier relationship and take the test again how my results would differ. Or take the test after I read the book, to see how much the results would differ.
M:51 W:43 T:17 M:15 S:13 D11 10/2022 BD/IHS 03/2023 W moves out
Unfortunately, it was really hard for me to pick between some of the two choices based on my relationship with my W over the last 15 or so years. I need to relearn some of the stuff that I really want versus what I really don’t want. but the results I can still agree with overall. I wonder if I get into a healthier relationship and take the test again how my results would differ. Or take the test after I read the book, to see how much the results would differ.
My top two (quality time and physical touch) were not being met with W
M:51 W:43 T:17 M:15 S:13 D11 10/2022 BD/IHS 03/2023 W moves out
