My wife says she is done

[Cadet]

It’s been a while since I posted but nothing significant has occurred. As a reminder shortly before Thanksgiving this year my wife said she was done. Since then she sleeps in the guest bedroom in the basement. We do eat supper together with the kids. We have it worked out whoever cooks the other one cleans. Kids don’t know yet. I am being patient with the theory that it will take a month for the 10 years my wife was building up all her unhappiness inside her. I’m still seeing an IC weekly.

I’m still staying busy, detaching and GAL. I’m trying my best keep validating what my wife says. I started going to local high school sporting events and asking S12 and D10 want to go. I’m getting back into photography by taking pictures at my kids sports activities. I share pictures of other kids with their parents which makes them happy too. I go to the library and read my self help books.

Basically all arguments have stopped. W told me this thanksgivings was the best she had (stress free). It was s12, d10, in-laws, W and me. In-laws know. A few weeks back I was cleaning the garage and she came out and asked me if I wanted more coffee and I said sure. A few moments later she brought out a thermos of coffee for me. I was away for a three day weekend with d10 and when we came home she had made us a healthy supper. She said that she did this because she knew it’s what I would have wanted. I know Michelle says in Divorce Remedy that every little step is a big deal and I should look at them as a big deal.

At the same time she has asked me for my attorneys name and then more recently has asked me when we wanna tell the kids. I told her that I wanna wait until Christmas. I just wanna enjoy Christmas with my kids right now and not think about this. Some days you can tell that she’s so checked out and done with this. These are the days where i’ve just started to feel like how nice it would be to not have a person like this around me any longer. it’s a selfish thought, not thinking about the kids but there are days now that I do feel this way - not having to deal with a person who just does not wanna be around you.

Mother in law called to talk about something else with me but then broke down and cried and told me how hurt she is and that she cries every night. I was working and I had a meeting in a few minutes so as I started to cry too I told her that I loved her and had to get back to work. It’s the first time we’ve talked about D.

Yeah - I remember all these days - they stink(or maybe a more harsh word that I won't write)

BUT

I agree with this

Dats you're going to weather the storm and life will be much better on the other side.

You are getting lemons and need to figure out how to make lemonade.

[Dats000]

W moves out this Friday. Boxes packed in about every room. Had really sad 😢 moments during this process. Thinking why did I let this come this far.? Why didn’t I do something sooner to try to fix it? But then if I look back at it, the reason why I wasn’t doing that was because I was afraid if I did try that the big D would’ve been thrown at me then. so a good thing is a lot of clutter is being cleaned out. And similar to what Mike had just posted in his thread I am realizing I wasn’t as happy in this marriage either and now realizing I didn’t like how my wife treated me for years. If we would ever reconcile there would need to be so much change.
GAL. I collected the best photos I took from my daughters hockey team throughout the season and had them on the screen at their bowling party. All the girls loved it. All the parents loved it. Gave them access to my Google Drive so they can view or Transfer them to wherever they want. Brought so much joy to me. And gave the kids and their parents memories to Enjoy for a life time. I’m going out tomorrow night with a friend to watch a hockey game going out with my best friends Saturday to watch a hockey game. still walking. Need to do more of that but things are as good as it can be. Hope you all are all doing well now. take care of yourself.

[Rockon]

Take good care of yourself Dats. So happy for you with the hockey team bowling party. You really brought your talents and passion to the community and they will never forget that. Enjoy friends and hockey this weekend. This is not easy at all and your are really going through a lot in layers it would seem to me.

[Dats000]

W moves out this Friday. Boxes packed in about every room. Had really sad 😢 moments during this process. Thinking why did I let this come this far.? Why didn’t I do something sooner to try to fix it? But then if I look back at it, the reason why I wasn’t doing that was because I was afraid if I did try that the big D would’ve been thrown at me then. so a good thing is a lot of clutter is being cleaned out. And similar to what Mike had just posted in his thread I am realizing I wasn’t as happy in this marriage either and now realizing I didn’t like how my wife treated me for years. If we would ever reconcile there would need to be so much change.
GAL. I collected the best photos I took from my daughters hockey team throughout the season and had them on the screen at their bowling party. All the girls loved it. All the parents loved it. Gave them access to my Google Drive so they can view or Transfer them to wherever they want. Brought so much joy to me. And gave the kids and their parents memories to Enjoy for a life time. I’m going out tomorrow night with a friend to watch a hockey game going out with my best friends Saturday to watch a hockey game. still walking. Need to do more of that but things are as good as it can be. Hope you all are all doing well now. take care of yourself.

For the first week 10 days that my W moves out, we decided that the kids will be with her Friday through Tuesday and then I’ll get them Wednesday through Sunday, so starting tomorrow. I won’t see my kids for five days and the family will officially be physically broken up. not feeling great did my exercises need to try to figure out how to concentrate and work the rest of the day

[DnJ]

Hello Dats

I feel for you man. Hang in there.

Like everything, having the kids in two different houses will get better in time. The first five days of no kids will likely be the worst; as will be the first Christmas, birthday, etc. You’ll get through it.

Yes, concentrating could at times be difficult. Thoughts and emotions will rise and stir. I found scheduling a few times, like coffee breaks and lunch, to go for a little walk and think about things was better than trying to ignore it all for the entire day. Like letting off some pressure every now and then before it all blows up.

Do you have a custody schedule figured out? I see the first ten days, which is not a repeatable multiple of 7 or 14. Also curious as to planned drop off and pick up plan. Where and who. Each going to the other’s house to drop off? Or some other arrangement?

It sounds like your negotiations were rather amicable. One of my coworkers had a horrible situation and children drop off and pick up ended up being at the police station.

Be strong man. Thinking about you.

D

[Dats000]

Do you have a custody schedule figured out? I see the first ten days, which is not a repeatable multiple of 7 or 14. Also curious as to planned drop off and pick up plan. Where and who. Each going to the other’s house to drop off? Or some other arrangement?

We do. W gets them mon, tues. I get them wed, Thursday and every other weekend. Luckily we don’t have pick up at the police station. We agreed that we would drop them off. This way I don’t have to sit and wait for them to get ready at W place. And it is the parents responsibility to get the kids to the other parents house on time. We have agreed not to talk about scheduling in front of kids or through kids.

[MikeP]

Dats, I'm sorry your going through this. I can't imagine how hard it must be. When my W moved out, our kids stayed with me so it wasn't nearly as hard as your situation. Good job on the bowling party. I have so many pics of my kids on my phone and regular old pictures as well. I love getting the old pics out and losing track of time looking at them. Good luck to you. Hang in there, we're all pulling for you.

[Dats000]

Dats, I'm sorry your going through this. I can't imagine how hard it must be. When my W moved out, our kids stayed with me so it wasn't nearly as hard as your situation. Good job on the bowling party. I have so many pics of my kids on my phone and regular old pictures as well. I love getting the old pics out and losing track of time looking at them. Good luck to you. Hang in there, we're all pulling for you.

Thanks Mike. I agree about looking back at the pictures. Reminds me to cherish them everyday and be mindfully present for them now as a model and not think about the things out of my control. Time is going by way too fast.

I am grateful that I purchased a zoom (70-200) with 2.8 aperture lens for my mirrorless camera prior to W BD. It is a must to get to the next level of sports photography in not well lit arenas. I saw my photographer game develop at the same time the girls on the team were.

I going to be fine. I have so much cleaning to take care of after all the W packed moving boxes are out. And have plan tonight tomorrow and Saturday.

Then spring hockey starts next week for both kiddos.

[MikeP]

Dats, I'm sorry your going through this. I can't imagine how hard it must be. When my W moved out, our kids stayed with me so it wasn't nearly as hard as your situation. Good job on the bowling party. I have so many pics of my kids on my phone and regular old pictures as well. I love getting the old pics out and losing track of time looking at them. Good luck to you. Hang in there, we're all pulling for you.

Thanks Mike. I agree about looking back at the pictures. Reminds me to cherish them everyday and be mindfully present for them now as a model and not think about the things out of my control. Time is going by way too fast.

I am grateful that I purchased a zoom (70-200) with 2.8 aperture lens for my mirrorless camera prior to W BD. It is a must to get to the next level of sports photography in not well lit arenas. I saw my photographer game develop at the same time the girls on the team were.

I going to be fine. I have so much cleaning to take care of after all the W packed moving boxes are out. And have plan tonight tomorrow and Saturday.

Then spring hockey starts next week for both kiddos.

Not that hi-tech in the photography game. I do know they make some decent lenses for smartphone that work quite well. I didn't take nearly enough pics over the past bball season. With d13 playing middle and high school we were in it for 6 straight months, plenty of mental pics, lol. Softball just started and the outdoor pics are usually better. Also track just started. Last year I managed a few good vid's of her. My father in law is the photo expert. He usually gives us copies of his. Good luck to you and your kiddo, hope hockey goes well.

[Dats000]

Dats, I'm sorry your going through this. I can't imagine how hard it must be. When my W moved out, our kids stayed with me so it wasn't nearly as hard as your situation. Good job on the bowling party. I have so many pics of my kids on my phone and regular old pictures as well. I love getting the old pics out and losing track of time looking at them. Good luck to you. Hang in there, we're all pulling for you.

Thanks Mike. I agree about looking back at the pictures. Reminds me to cherish them everyday and be mindfully present for them now as a model and not think about the things out of my control. Time is going by way too fast.

I am grateful that I purchased a zoom (70-200) with 2.8 aperture lens for my mirrorless camera prior to W BD. It is a must to get to the next level of sports photography in not well lit arenas. I saw my photographer game develop at the same time the girls on the team were.

I going to be fine. I have so much cleaning to take care of after all the W packed moving boxes are out. And have plan tonight tomorrow and Saturday.

Then spring hockey starts next week for both kiddos.

Not that hi-tech in the photography game. I do know they make some decent lenses for smartphone that work quite well. I didn't take nearly enough pics over the past bball season. With d13 playing middle and high school we were in it for 6 straight months, plenty of mental pics, lol. Softball just started and the outdoor pics are usually better. Also track just started. Last year I managed a few good vid's of her. My father in law is the photo expert. He usually gives us copies of his. Good luck to you and your kiddo, hope hockey goes well.

Don’t get me wrong Smart phone cameras now a days are incredible. Sounds you have quite the athlete.