You're only in limbo if you're reacting and waiting for your H to make all the decisions.
Is that behavior that got you here in the first place?
Better to focus on yourself, your goals, your values, and what you want. Become the person you want to be separate from your H and marriage. That is the way the changes you've been making will last and become a permanent part of who you are.
Your husband has already said he is worried the changes won't last.
Are you proving him right today or proving him wrong?
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Today was not a good day. I have days where I'm at peace and days where I hate everyone and cry all the time Today's the latter.
Sometimes we need the days like today. Get it out, wake up tomorrow, and do something different. Eventually these days will become less and less the norm. Suddenly they won't happen anymore. One day at a time. Bttrfly is right, you ultimately have control. Take back control from H and move forward. That's what I've been told repeatedly today and it makes sense. Hang in there, we're all pulling for you.
Last night was a doozy. I failed in my mission to peacefully give him space, for sure.
I found out H went to OW's apartment again and I guess I finally got sick enough of his crap. Where he'd been very honest about his communication with her earlier this week, he lied again last night. I broke the rules and brought it up and asked what he was doing there.
He got really defensive until I told him I was leaving him and got up to go. Then he freaked out and didn't want me to leave.
He ended up telling me the truth, and that he does still love me, and even admitting to some things from the past that he felt bad about. It was a good conversation and I told him that I forgive him and I also love him.
However, that conversation obviously was not enough for me. He has to choose to stop seeing OW, get individual counseling, and we need marital counseling if he has any hope of rescuing this marriage.
I am going to be thinking and praying a lot today about going to stay with my dad for a while, starting tonight. I need to find the words to say to H that communicate proper boundaries while making sure he understands I am not abandoning him as a person. He has strong abandonment issues from his childhood and I refuse to do that to him again--I will be his friend if nothing else.
This would pretty much be the after the last resort technique. It would have a high chance of ending our marriage and family. But he has responded the most positively throughout this process only when he thinks I'm actually leaving him.
H 41 W 36 D16 S15--my stepchildren D11--biological M 6, T 13 Bomb/EA 1/19/23 Separated but living together
I'm going to leave it alone and allow him to come to his own conclusions. I'm not going to go looking to catch him in lies. I'm going to continue to detach and GAL.
H 41 W 36 D16 S15--my stepchildren D11--biological M 6, T 13 Bomb/EA 1/19/23 Separated but living together
