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#2944054 02/28/23 11:00 PM
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The Surviving the Big D forum will be archived where its threads will still be accessible for viewing. A new forum titled Ongoing Divorce Busting has been created.

The board is getting a new look and getting back to its purpose. As the new forum’s name implies it’s about Divorce Busting. This site, this community, is designed to support, encourage, and educate people about Divorce Busting strategies and techniques to help them improve their relationships and save their marriages.

Ongoing Divorce Busting is for anyone from newbie to seasoned vet; for those starting out, to those reconciled, to those divorced, and everyone in between; for those standing to those who have stood down; anyone wishing to utilize divorce busting principles.

The forum For Newcomers will remain as well as the forum Midlife Crisis. A few of the other less used forums may be archived in the next while. The threads within those would remain and still be accessible.

For posters on Surviving the Big D, please feel free to create a new thread on the Ongoing Divorce Busting forum that reflects the mission of the Board. Discussion on this forum will be for those who wish to post anything that is directly related to their situation and how divorce busting can assist them and/or guidance in navigating their current situation. Most importantly, this forum will be where posters who have recently divorced and are trying to navigate their lives after post divorce can post and look for advice and/or support.

Archiving of the Surviving the Big D forum will take place in the near future. If you are interested in keeping copies of certain threads, now is the time to copy them to your hard drive, thumb drive and/or the cloud. Once the forum is archived posters will not be allowed to post to the threads.

How to copy threads:

- Find the thread you want.
- Click on Thread Options in upper left corner.
- Select Print Thread.
- That will bring up a new page in your browser with a print preview of the thread.
- Then Print to file.

NOTICE: Concurrent with the above we are running maintenance and pruning of the forums this week and next. If there are any Topics or Posts you want to keep, please save them asap, as they may be deleted.

WE WILL DO OUR BEST TO KEEP THE FORUMS UP AND RUNNING. HOWEVER, THERE MAY BE TIMES DURING THIS PROCESS WHEN THEY ARE DOWN. THANKS FOR YOUR PATIENCE AND UNDERSTANDING.

The Board will keep you apprised of any and all changes that will be taking place in the near future.

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So you are getting rid of all threads from previous posters, such as Jack3Beans, Sandi, AmyC to name a very few of the people whose threads we vets refer to constantly to help the posters here?


Originally Posted by MicheleWeinerDavis
Most importantly, this forum will be where posters who have recently divorced and are trying to navigate their lives after post divorce can post and look for advice and/or support.

Forgive me for being obstuse, but isn't that what we are currently posting here on the postD forum?

Reading this, I'm sincerely unsure what I can and cannot continue to post????? And I spent a LOT of time not only DB my marriage but also paying for and working with a Divorce Busting Coach.

If I'm confused, I can only imagine how confusing this is to people with less experience here.


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This message is on the surviving forum not the new forum that is being rolled out.

Look at the top of the forum list page


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Hi Cadet,
I realize it's on the surviving forum. I intentionally posted it here because I'm sincerely confused about how what's being proposed is any different from what we already have, so why do it in the first place and why get rid of the Surviving section?

Originally Posted by Michele Weiner Davis
For posters on Surviving the Big D, please feel free to create a new thread on the Ongoing Divorce Busting forum that reflects the mission of the Board. Discussion on this forum will be for those who wish to post anything that is directly related to their situation and how divorce busting can assist them and/or guidance in navigating their current situation. Most importantly, this forum will be where posters who have recently divorced and are trying to navigate their lives after post divorce can post and look for advice and/or support.

I thought that bolded part is what we are already doing here in the Surviving section?

So, I ask again, why the re-do?

I would like some further clarity about what I can and cannot post, because this leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation.


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The Divorce Busting mission:

Originally Posted by Michele Weiner-Davis
This site, this community, is designed to support, encourage, and educate people about Divorce Busting strategies and techniques to help them improve their relationships and save their marriages.

Please post with that in mind to limit any misinterpretations.


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Originally Posted by DnJ
The Divorce Busting mission:

Originally Posted by Michele Weiner-Davis
This site, this community, is designed to support, encourage, and educate people about Divorce Busting strategies and techniques to help them improve their relationships and save their marriages.

Please post with that in mind to limit any misinterpretations.
that's not germaine to
Originally Posted by MicheleWeinerDavis
Most importantly, this forum will be where posters who have recently divorced and are trying to navigate their lives after post divorce can post and look for advice and/or support.


M 20+ T25+
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"Someone I loved once gave me
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That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Those are seemingly diametrically opposed directions.

Again, I'm not trying to be obtuse here, but I would like explicit clarity on exactly how people who are divorced can get advice and support?

Most of our marriages don't survive this.

That's reality.

Despite our best efforts at standing, DBing, working with coaches, taking the advice here, there are a LOT of people, myself included, who are now divorced who never wanted to be.

How will this new forum support us?

How will that differ from what we already have?


M 20+ T25+
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"Someone I loved once gave me
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That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Originally Posted by bttrfly
Those are seemingly diametrically opposed directions.

Again, I'm not trying to be obtuse here, but I would like explicit clarity on exactly how people who are divorced can get advice and support?

Most of our marriages don't survive this.

That's reality.

Despite our best efforts at standing, DBing, working with coaches, taking the advice here, there are a LOT of people, myself included, who are now divorced who never wanted to be.

How will this new forum support us?

How will that differ from what we already have?

Not sure I agree that these issues are opposed.
The thing about DB is that we can only control one person and YOU (not you bttrfly) are that person.
ie you can control yourself no one else.

I would refer to this thread about posting

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553122#Post2553122


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I have read your link, Cadet. Thank you. However, it does not answer my questions which are specifically about people who end up divorced. With all due respect I ask once again:

1. Again, I'm not trying to be obtuse here, but I would like explicit clarity on exactly how people who are divorced can get advice and support?

Most of our marriages don't survive this.

That's reality.

Despite our best efforts at standing, DBing, working with coaches, taking the advice here, there are a LOT of people, myself included, who are now divorced who never wanted to be.

2. How will this new forum support us? - specifically people who are divorced and trying to navigate our post-D lives?

3.How will that differ from what we already have?


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
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D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Forum Rules

Welcome to the DivorceBusting.com On-Line Community. By posting here you agree to our terms and conditions and agree to abide by the rules and policies detailed below.

This messageboard community is designed to support, encourage, and educate people about Divorce Busting strategies and techniques to help them improve their relationships and save their marriages.

You agree to not post any messages that are defamatory, harassing, abusive, hateful, threatening, or otherwise offensive. Your posts must be polite and considerate. Do not post names, addresses, phone numbers, email addresses, or any confidential or private contact information. You agree not to post any copyrighted material, photos, videos, book references, or links to other sites.

Our administrators and moderators are dedicated to assuring that everyone who comes here is treated with courtesy and respect. You may not always agree with our decisions to delete posts or to ban some members. We reserve our right to do so when we feel necessary, with or without explanation. Although it is impossible to review every post, we will attempt to keep all objectionable messages off this forum. You can always hit "NOTIFY" when you see a post or comment that you feel is objectionable. A Moderator will review and edit if necessary.

We reserve the right to delete, edit, move or close any post or thread for any reason at our sole discretion. We reserve the right to change and/or modify these policies at any time. Changes will be posted here, so please check back and review these rules. We may modify or terminate our services from time to time, for any reason, and without notice. By registering, logging in and participating in this community, you acknowledge, accept and agree to these terms.


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Let me be more explicit.

I can't stand for a marriage which no longer exists. My husband is now married to his affair partner.

I did not want this. I did everything I could to DB this.

So now that I'm divorced, HOW will this new board support me, and people like me.

Michele said
Originally Posted by MicheleWeinerDavis
Most importantly, this forum will be where posters who have recently divorced and are trying to navigate their lives after post divorce can post and look for advice and/or support.

So how exactly is that going to happen??

There is no relationship with my exh to DB.

I'm alone here in the wilderness trying to figure out what the heck I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life.

I'm doing the best I can with the tools I've learned and with support from people who came before me.

The decision to remove the Surviving section removes that support system.

It's punishing those who never wanted to be divorced and now find that they are.

It's also punishing those who have stayed on to help the newcomer and pay it forward.

So again,

1. Exactly how will people who are now divorced be able to get help and support?

2. how is this new forum going to support people like me?

3. how is that different from what we already have?

More importantly, what is and isn't allowed to be posted if you are no longer married, cannot DB your now defunct marriage, and are left twisting in the wind, post a divorce you never wanted in the first place????


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~ Mary Oliver
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I realize, Cadet, that you're acting as a Moderator. I appreciate what you do. The questions, however, remain.

And, frankly, given the amount of divorced people who stick around here to help the newcomers learn the Divorce Busting principles?? I think the questions deserve an answer for those people.


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"Someone I loved once gave me
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Ok, I was finishing up some end-of-the-month stuff and up late and a little slap-happy, so I got an enormous chuckle when reading this. Seems a little like "who's on first." Bttrfly I don't mean to be flippant about your obvious concerns, but the circular talk is quite funny.

So I haven't been hanging out here but I think what they are getting at is that it is a support board based on Michelle's books about saving marriages through Divorce Busting (TM) so they want to focus on the DB principles and the mission of the site. They probably don't want newbies coming here and getting scared by after the big D section and talk.

Just because you don't talk to your ex-h, doesn't mean you can't DB in your life--friends, relatives, tradespeople, workmates, pets, etc. I think we can all see the value of the DB principles in many areas of life. If Michelle hasn't yet written a book that is applying the principles outside the divorce setting, she should. (Here's a little suggestion for her, build a family of BUSTING marks--DRAMA BUSTING, BRAT BUSTING, HABIT BUSTING, etc.)

Pretty clearly they are trying to leave the door open for you guys to post and discuss the support-related issues. My guess is that this could also be a means to address some of the tattle-telling and complaining that seems to go on from time to time when things get a little heated (with associated disappearances and rumored bannings). Admins, do keep in mind that the First Amendment is truly what makes this country great. The remedy for speech you don't like is more speech, not censorship. We are the ones who choose to be hurt by words--we don't have to make that choice.

Frankly, I've always thought there were way too many sections for the number of people who regularly post. I don't know why they don't collapse them to 2 (I would keep a newcomer's section and then put everyone else into one in their newly labeled section). Newcomers are too raw, it's too much to think about everything that comes later.

Hope all of you are doing well!

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I’m with BF - confused and hoping the tremendous support in, from and for this community continues for people at various places and stages and needs for growth, purpose and healing.


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Originally Posted by OwnIt
Ok, I was finishing up some end-of-the-month stuff and up late and a little slap-happy, so I got an enormous chuckle when reading this. Seems a little like "who's on first." Bttrfly I don't mean to be flippant about your obvious concerns, but the circular talk is quite funny.

and yet those simple questions are not answered.


Originally Posted by OwnIt
So I haven't been hanging out here but I think what they are getting at is that it is a support board based on Michelle's books about saving marriages through Divorce Busting (TM) so they want to focus on the DB principles and the mission of the site. They probably don't want newbies coming here and getting scared by after the big D section and talk.

Just because you don't talk to your ex-h, doesn't mean you can't DB in your life--friends, relatives, tradespeople, workmates, pets, etc. I think we can all see the value of the DB principles in many areas of life. If Michelle hasn't yet written a book that is applying the principles outside the divorce setting, she should. (Here's a little suggestion for her, build a family of BUSTING marks--DRAMA BUSTING, BRAT BUSTING, HABIT BUSTING, etc.)

Pretty clearly they are trying to leave the door open for you guys to post and discuss the support-related issues. My guess is that this could also be a means to address some of the tattle-telling and complaining that seems to go on from time to time when things get a little heated (with associated disappearances and rumored bannings). Admins, do keep in mind that the First Amendment is truly what makes this country great. The remedy for speech you don't like is more speech, not censorship. We are the ones who choose to be hurt by words--we don't have to make that choice.

Frankly, I've always thought there were way too many sections for the number of people who regularly post. I don't know why they don't collapse them to 2 (I would keep a newcomer's section and then put everyone else into one in their newly labeled section). Newcomers are too raw, it's too much to think about everything that comes later.

Hope all of you are doing well!

Thanks for weighing in Own. Always nice to see you. Don't take this the wrong way - I'm not interested in what you think TPTB are trying to do here.

I want answers to my questions from TPTB.

1. How is this new set up going to support people who find themselves divorced

2.. How is this new set up different from the existing one

Two questions - no real answers.

And in deference to Cadet - I will take this to my thread, for the remaining time that I have one.


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"Someone I loved once gave me
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That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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This is a business, a trademark, and a site featuring, promoting and selling copyrighted content. You would not walk into say, an aromatherapy business and create a scene because you can't buy motor oil. If you did, the owner would be within his rights to remove you. Go next door to the auto supply store and you don't even have to ask where they keep the motor oil, it will jump out at you.

Aren't all the old posts archived? They aren't active threads. Why would you still not be able to find them? Does it ruin your jam if your conversations are in a private group instead of a public one? Does the name of the banner at the top of the section matter?

Children in a sandbox need rules. Don't eat the sand. Don't throw it in each other's eyes. Don't bury people in it. Some things are contextual, temporal and situational. Back when we had a real supreme court and they grappled with defining pornography Justice Potter Stewart famously said "I know it when I see it." Sometimes that is the best and only explanation we are given.

Yes, it is interesting that they don't want to answer your questions (and humorous to me that they use circular reasoning to avoid doing so). But also interesting is that you are so insistent that they do. Sometimes the non-answer is the answer. Sometimes things happen to us in life that we have no control over, seem very ill-conceived, and are without explanation. Sound familiar? How do we respond to that? If it involves a mouse and his cheese, we are told some will sit and do nothing and die of starvation, some will whine and complain and then go look for the cheese, and some will just say hey, there is no more cheese here, I'd better go find some more.

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I will follow rules as it is important. I would like messages to work, so if I need to message someone I can.
Post Divorce is critical and using DB principals are very relevant. As I am finding out.


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Hello Mach40

I believe in the framework and rules of the site. I am glad you see their importance as well.

Peer to peer in site messaging is disabled on purpose. Anonymity of posters is one of the foundation principles. And rather important when embroiled within one’s situation.

Have a great evening man.

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Good Morning All

We had to work out a couple o’ bugs with the new forum. Thank you to those that reported the problems and helped with testing and fixing. I’m pleased to say that things were corrected speedily. Even the edit feature works (for ten minutes after submission).

Please feel free to create a thread on Ongoing Divorce Busting. And report any other errant bugs you may find.

DnJ


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Good morning DnJ,

How are you doing? What’s new with you? Signs of a spring thaw on any horizons?

Kinda feels like everybody skipped town and didn’t say where they were going.

Keep on rockin


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Hopefully it's just part of the cycle of participation and not a sign of things to come.


Me: 40
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Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11

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Originally Posted by JosephS
Hopefully it's just part of the cycle of participation and not a sign of things to come.

There are actually more people than normal viewing the forum right now,
just no one has anything useful to write, I guess.


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