I enjoyed my dinners, movies, coffee shops adventures alone. I connected with the staff. For example, they would ask me my name and write it on the cup. I would ask their name. I would remember it. The next time, they would ask my name, I would say their name and say "I already told you." All with a good tone of humor. Most always remember my name after that. Made some close friends doing this.
Originally Posted by Dats000
I hear of lotta people here talking about all the people they call to go out with to help them GAL. I don’t have a lot people to call.
So tonight when I go out, I will meet someone new. Break the ice with small talk. Try my hardest to remember their name and their story. Make this a habit and you will build a good friend base. Playing lots of pool these days.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I’m doing a similar approach. Also at some particularly rough stages, I planned ahead how I was going to get through each day, who I was going to hang out with and what I was going to do, extra therapy too. I still am inviting myself over to some married with children friends’ homes. I learned from another friend who went through a similar extremely difficult situation. His C told him to pick up the phone and call close friends and arrange to get together and not to settle for scrolling and texting only.
Always hard reading the "We told the kids" posts. Definitely triggers my emotions and empathy.
Sorry you had to experience this. 14 years ago for me, and I remember every detail. We will never truly know how this effects our kids, but I believe as long as both parents are active in their kids lives that they come out fine.
Give your kids lots of hugs and enjoy your time with them. Mine are all out the house. Crazy how fast time flies.
Thanks and I agree. S12 who’s with me in my bedroom tonight doing his homework? He like to hang out with me and the dogs. I asked him how he was doing and he said fine. A friend of mine told me fine meant feelings inside not expressed. He’s gotta have questions in his head. In less than two months, he’s gonna start living somewhere else half the time. He’s only lived in this house in one bedroom, in one bed his whole life. His parents were home every night with him 99% of the time now only one of them will be living with him at a time. Maybe he hasn’t gotten this far to think about this
I took d12 and her friend to watch a high school event. She had only invited this friend and one other from her activity team. Normally the parents let everyone know that their kids are going to the high school events. She said she only invited these two friends because their parents are divorced too. I thought to myself wow.
Time has already gone by quick and days are just going by quicker. I do appreciate my time with my kids more and more as I get older and they get older.
My son (13) also comes in and does his homework with me, too. Always has. You sound like an awesome parent! Good on ya!
Kids have it worse than we do and that breaks my heart. I dread the thought of them splitting time. I’m afraid that my sitch is going to get pretty messy and I’ll have to pick up the pieces.
All we can do is show them the love and support the need and deserve. Do our best ina mad world.
Hi Rockon, thanks for asking. At times lots of anxiety about the unknown. I have been working on being mindful of right now. Knowing that I’m ok now. And knowing that the unknown will work itself out. I keep telling myself that having fear is OK, but it’s not gonna make my decisions. It will never be in the driver seat. I will always be driving and making the decisions. I don’t want to be fearless, people that are fearless are sociopaths. 🤪 I got to accept what’s happening in my life and open my eyes to it.
My W will be going over some options for our assets/finances tomorrow. My hope is that they are not too far off of what I would agree with and that one of the options will work and we just tweak it a little bit so than I’ll present that to my attorney and go from there. The way she has just totally moved on and by me detaching and doing a 180. There’s nothing really left. I still believe if she wanted to reconcile I would do it under certain circumstances but right now I don’t have any feelings for her anymore. I still love the idea of a marriage and everything that’s about it. Having someone there every night, having someone there when we go out and do activities with friends, having someone there when you need them and to help raise your kids.
my kids are great. I love them so much and I’m so proud of them.
With D11 i’ve been really working hard giving her more control and giving her choices vs telling her to do things. Like the other night, I gave her a choice to unload the dishwasher now or after supper. She liked this and said that I want to do it after supper. simple but it worked. She is in more control and making decisions which will then give her more self-esteem and and independence And builds our relationship. I’m learning this from a book called love and logic parenting.
With S13 I feel right now he really needs a sense of security and I am making sure that I am there for him. Basically every night we hang out in my room and he does his homework or he reads and I read. If there’s a sporting event on TV will have that on too. last night when we were done reading and he was leaving my room. I made sure that I told him how much I appreciate his time and how much I love him and how thankful I was able to spend time with him. he said that he was grateful for being able to spend time with me too. Plus, our two dogs are in there for comic relief
I’m going for a walk at lunch today with a friend that’s also going through a divorce. he is really struggling with the dividing of assets and finances and scheduling of kids with his wife that moved out. at times I have to tell him that I want to talk about other things besides divorce because I’m sick of thinking about it. Overall we we help each other out and I get outside in nature getting exercise.
Job is going great too. Thankfully, I am excelling at my career right now.
I hope everyone is is enjoying what they’re doing now and knowing right now you are OK. 😀
M:51 W:43 T:17 M:15 S:13 D11 10/2022 BD/IHS 03/2023 W moves out
Always hard reading the "We told the kids" posts. Definitely triggers my emotions and empathy.
Sorry you had to experience this. 14 years ago for me, and I remember every detail. We will never truly know how this effects our kids, but I believe as long as both parents are active in their kids lives that they come out fine.
Give your kids lots of hugs and enjoy your time with them. Mine are all out the house. Crazy how fast time flies.
Thanks and I agree. S12 who’s with me in my bedroom tonight doing his homework? He like to hang out with me and the dogs. I asked him how he was doing and he said fine. A friend of mine told me fine meant feelings inside not expressed. He’s gotta have questions in his head. In less than two months, he’s gonna start living somewhere else half the time. He’s only lived in this house in one bedroom, in one bed his whole life. His parents were home every night with him 99% of the time now only one of them will be living with him at a time. Maybe he hasn’t gotten this far to think about this
I took d12 and her friend to watch a high school event. She had only invited this friend and one other from her activity team. Normally the parents let everyone know that their kids are going to the high school events. She said she only invited these two friends because their parents are divorced too. I thought to myself wow.
Time has already gone by quick and days are just going by quicker. I do appreciate my time with my kids more and more as I get older and they get older.
My son (13) also comes in and does his homework with me, too. Always has. You sound like an awesome parent! Good on ya!
Kids have it worse than we do and that breaks my heart. I dread the thought of them splitting time. I’m afraid that my sitch is going to get pretty messy and I’ll have to pick up the pieces.
All we can do is show them the love and support the need and deserve. Do our best ina mad world.
No time to go over Ws options to divide up assets yet. We were going to do it Friday. W was doing our taxes yesterday. I walked to a coffee shop a read a new parenting book recommended by D11 teacher
Did some mall walking with my friend that also is going through a divorce. Made him promise me that we would not talk about our divorces. Our Ds went shopping while we walked. Then we all had lunch. Last night was the annual family against D11 hockey team scrimmage. My S13 played goalie. D11 team’s goalie let him use her pads. He was so excited and nervous before and was laughing and had a blast during the whole game. He never played goalie before. My daughter was trying to check me and making me fall over and illegally pushing and punching her brother in the crease while her team tried to scored. Did over 6 miles yesterday and burned over 1000 cal so this morning I am tired and taking a little longer to get up and get going. The hockey made my body feel in rough shape this morning but I will be getting up and going with walks, grocery shopping, cooking, laundry.
We had teachers conference Thursday both kids teachers said they noticed changes in our kids since we told them about the divorce. S13 more quiet and D is emotional and gets sidetracked. We got the number of counselor at the school to have our kids meet with
Walking friend wants to walk again today. Probably outside since it will be above freezing 🥶
Right now I am OK I’m in my recliner in my office with my dog by my side watching a movie. While the rest of the family is asleep. Grateful for yesterday with my kids and the other parents who made the scrimmage possible and grateful for my walking friend who will be available today to get me outside walking again. I’m grateful for this forum that gets me to journal what I’m working on to show me if I’m on track
M:51 W:43 T:17 M:15 S:13 D11 10/2022 BD/IHS 03/2023 W moves out
We ended up agreeing tentatively on assets. If it financially makes sense my W will take the townhouse we rent out and I will keep the house. We still need to figure out how much of the townhouse is my non-marital asset. Every bigger property item was gone through and assigned to my wife or me. W letting me keep things she would never want without having to pay her (example home theater in basement) and I’m giving her the stuff she needs to fill her new leased house. My FIL went shopping with my W and kids to buy them new mattresses. My in laws are great. My W has my S13 new bed frame and dressers in the garage ☹️. W boxed up stuff from her night stand and our bathroom. I walked in the closet and saw the jewelry box I gave my W as an engagement gift gone. A parenting book left behind on the nightstand stand from over 8 years that I never read ☹️. I told my W last night that I don’t want to be there when she moves out on March 24. I also said that we need to ask the kids what they want to do that day. Do they want to stay and help or go with me.
We still do supper together, go to kid’s sports games together or meet there. Definitely an IHS, not fun. Forcing the kids to live in separate houses and breaking the family up for them [censored] but not having to live with a person that doesn’t wanna be with you anymore is gonna be nice. I’m still in touch with my in-law. I made my mother-in-law, chicken and dumplings after her hernia surgery brought it over there. We will plan to continue doing Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve together with in laws. As long as it makes sense to keep those kind of traditions going for the kids.
Finally told my Mom about our separation and my best friend. They were both very supportive. Lucky my friend lives close and we agreed to doing something at least once a month. I’m still walking getting my time to walk a mile 3 minutes faster than 4 months ago. My IC has been keeping me on track with my self esteem building and tweaking actions to becoming a better parent. Especially to my D11 who is going through some rough time with her emotions. Luckily my W is there for her too. My son still reading with me every night.
I truly believe that God brought me to this marriage saving site as a gift when I was weary and carrying the heavy burden of my W request for a divorce. This was his way of teaching me to deal with my pain and how how I found rest for my soul. If I didn’t act on reading DR and GAL, detaching, doing a 180 things wouldn’t have gotten better. I’m definitely not out of the woods, but definitely in a better place and definitely a better person. I also know my work in improving myself is something that I have to work on the rest of my life if I want to be the person I want to be.
M:51 W:43 T:17 M:15 S:13 D11 10/2022 BD/IHS 03/2023 W moves out
