New day 2

[bttrfly]

do i need to revoke your STFU smoothie card?

[BL42]

Rockon,

She is paying for everything about her trips. We moved to separate accounts at BD and she and I both contribute into mortgage etc. her trips are completely out of her money and I am firm about that. She has been quite reasonable about it. Though she is not contributing her fair share towards mortgage (discussed previously on these boards) it’s working out ok for now.

I don't know what the laws state in your jurisdiction, but in many places everything is marital assets (and debt) until there's a legal agreement/date of separation...whether the accounts/cards are separate or not. Unless you agree to that in negotiation, which who knows if she will. So talk to an L ASAP and protect yourself financially.

You need to read No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover and Love Must be Tough by James Dodson. I urge you to stop putting up with this disrespect. While she's flying over her affair partner...No more happy family weekends, no more pleasant conversations, no more nothing. Everything through the L.

[Rockon]

For what?

[bttrfly]

For what?

because it seems like you're not going to STFU but are going to engage in yet another pointless conversation that will fall on deaf ears and lower your status even more with your W.

sorry if that's too blunt.

Here's another way of saying it:

I guarantee to your wife, your voice sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher ...

Actions speak so much louder than words.

Start Acting.

Stop Talking.

[Rockon]

I have decide to shut up for now to journal and process and be strong and live how I need to live.

[Ready2Change]

I have decide to .. be strong and live how I need to live.

Care to be specific?

[bttrfly]

Act as if:


So many times we see the WAS come screaming back when it's too late.

If you want a chance to fix your marriage, accept that it's dead in its current form.

If you want a chance to fix your marriage, change the man she left.

Figure out who you are, separate from being a husband and a father.

Figure out what you want.

Live your life accordingly.

Believe me, she will notice.

No one comes back to what they left behind.

If they wanted more of that, they wouldn't have left in the first place.

Figure out what you want.

Figure out who you are.

Live your life accordingly, without her factoring into any of that.

[Rockon]

Focused on my own health - physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, financial.
Responsible with my home.
A great dad.
A good friend.
Focused on me, not W

[Rockon]

I noticed some things that youngest D had written down on a piece of paper and left on the table after visiting with W:

W explained to D her reason for leaving me now - she was married and unhappy for 23 yrs and can’t be unhappy for another 23. She’s never had the opportunity to leave before with youngest D and youngest S struggling. W said “I need to be happy”
W feels she’s “terrible” around/to me.

W’s intention:
- be happy
- not trying to lose house/divide assets (contributing money monthly)
- still be in relationship with her kids (her favorite people)
- if D and S move out we’ll probably sell the house

Seems to me like a lot of heavy loaded info for W to lay on D. And W projecting her plans / outcomes.

I plan to continue to be there for D and have an open heart to support. Don’t plan to get in the way of or take responsibility for their relationship.

[bttrfly]

that is a heck of a lot to lay on a kid.

her happiness is her responsibility, not yours, not an AP's, not anyone else's.

I plan to continue to be there for D and have an open heart to support. Don’t plan to get in the way of or take responsibility for their relationship.

^^^ That's perfect. You do you and be the lighthouse for your kids. They'll need that.

I'm sorry Rock.

Nothing about this is easy.

But, in time, it will hurt less.

xoxoxo