Still a glutton

[DnJ]

Good Morning Ginger

But I was nice. I told him we can either work something out between us, or we can formally go through the courts. He said he is going to think on it.

I really only want money for the what my D needs.

I just want what is fair and current. NJ is a simple formula.

It would be nice if you two could resolve this outside of a courtroom.

Do you have a number in mind?

I figure you have performed the calculation yourself and have an idea of the likely new amount. If you are considering negotiating and settling, it is good to know the likely imposed terms. Do remember upcoming education costs for university, college, trade schools, or whatever. The current fiscal pressure is going to increase a bit more for the next few years.

Hoping things proceed smoothly for you.

D

[DnJ]

well, no sh!t Sherlock ! I’m looking to rob him. And my salary also includes my second job, which hurts me a bit, but I don’t have much of a choice:

Did you mean “I’m *not* looking to rob him.”?

If so, I’ll edit your post.

Pretty sure it’s just a typo. I’m sure you don’t feel or think you are robbing him.

[Ginger1]

Well, I just got off the phone with him and now I actually do want to rob him. He did start crunching the numbers. Apparently, I would $12/week according to his calculations. And he will give me a one time payment of an extra $100.

He makes 81k per year. I made 123k last year. Because I work 2 jobs. When we were engaged, we both made big career changes. He left a well paying job he hated to do what he does not which started at 32k/year. I finished nursing school and back then I made 60k a year. We came to the decision and his job was going to be the one that set us up after retirement and mine was obviously the one that makes the money. I had to support just me and my daughter so I went back to school, furthered my degree, and worked my way up further . And for that I actually get screwed. He will retire by 55 with a full pension, healthcare paid for …… and I’ll work until I’m dead, likely 2 jobs.

It’s such a joke. I read all of these stories where women are making out like bandits on child support.

I couldn’t have gotten more screwed in this divorce financially. I’m certainly not going to town on my child support . Under $50 more a month. This is why I didn’t even want to bother . It was just going to make me angrier.

I know it’s been 15 years. But this is what I still get angry about. His decision has affected me lifelong. I can’t get ahead of the game even though I work my butt off. I have been stuck in this miserable state for 18 years because of his decisions.

Yeah, I’m feeling pretty angry and defeated right now. As I sit here at my second job.

[bttrfly]

does your state have an online formula?

here it includes who's carrying insurance, and real time spent with each parent.

i'm proud of you for addressing this with him. don't let this slide. and don't take his word for it. do a consult with a lawyer to know what you're really entitled to. there will be additional expenses, like driver's ed, which was $1k back 5 or 6 years ago, prom, etc.

[job]

I would look at the formula for your state. I would then speak to a lawyer about it. For one thing, would you need to work two jobs if you were getting a proper amount for child support?

Questions: Does he pay her health insurance? Does he pay for all or at least half of her dental and medical bills? Did he help pay for her braces? Does he pay half of anything else that your daughter needs? Your child support payment doesn't cover 1/3 of what you need for your daughter. Let's not forget driver's ed will be coming up and that means car insurance. College is around the bend too. Sports activities require uniforms, etc.

I would do a spreadsheet laying out what expenditures you are paying for and have it ready to present to a lawyer.

I wouldn't believe a thing he's telling you. Of course, he's going to say what he did because he's hoping that you'll back down. Do not back down.

In my state, my cousin has 3 kids. The wife had an affair and they are divorced. He pays her child support, but he pays in full all dental and medical bills, carries them on his health insurance, paid for their driver's ed and insurance. He has paid more than his fair share and his exw pays for nothing except for when the kids come and stay with her. She got off easy.

[Ginger1]

I crunched the numbers on the state calculator and they appear to be correct taking into account even his wife’s contribution to the house hold bills. Our disparity in income is roughly 40k per year.

He pays half her activities. She is insured under him, but that is $15 extra every 2 weeks. Her braces were free because of his coverage. She’s just with me most of the time so anything she needs, she asks me. she doesn’t get everything she wants, but it adds up. We will be splitting her behind the wheel school we need to pay for. In the beginning, because I made more as well, I had to lay 57% of daycare, which literally slaughtered me.


It’s just really sad and disappointing. Part of me wishes k had the opportunity to remarry to have a second income, sadly.

It just stinks. I’ve never had a chance to save in my life. I was paying my own rent and living expenses since 19. My own education. Lost money on our home in the divorce. There was just never a chance to save. I would live in a cheap studio for a while if it wasn’t for putting a decent roof over my daughters head in a decent school system.

Paying my own way since 18-19 years old, and paying me and my daughters own way since 27.

I’m tapped out. And yes, I’m feeling bad for myself today. I’m allowing it .

[Ginger1]

By the way, I appreciate your support job. You have known me since my kiddo was a baby and all I have dealt with. I wish this was just more fair, but hey, life isn’t fair

[job]

Don't give up. I would research every avenue to see if there is a way for him to provide more support, especially with her school activities and the "extras" that your daughter needs.

I know you feel bad about things, but there has to be some light at the end of the tunnel for you. You've worked so hard and have made every effort to have a good home for your daughter. Please, please still look into what, if anything, can help you out.

Don't give up. There has to be an answer out there that can help you.

[BL42]

Ginger1,

I really think you should consult an L or two. While I'm no L, there are a couple things you mention which don't sound right to me, and it's incredibly important you fully understand your rights for support before negotiating with him outside the courts. And to be honest, I kind of think you SHOULD go through the courts/legal process. Let the court rule on what's fair under the law. I would be shocked if it doesn't go in your favor. You working two jobs with a majority of the custody and him crying poverty all the time is not going to go over well with the judge/magistrate. You're grossly undercompensated right now for support. Who knows, maybe your jurisdiction would even have the judge allowed to award you back payments.

And my salary also includes my second job, which hurts me a bit

I'm not sure you working a 2nd job would count against you under the law. I believe they'd factor in what you and your husband could make in a regular salary/or 40hour basis. Don't think you'll get penalized for busting your butt to scrape up more money for your daughter. Again, consult a L!

I am very proud of you.

As am I! Way to stand up for you and your daughter!

The ball is in his court and if he doesn't respond back to you within a reasonable time, then I would move forward and take this issue to court.

Agreed. He benefits by a delay...don't let him run out the clock.

I do not feel sorry for him one bit and to toss out that comment about you having to disclose your salary. Next time he says that, tell the man that you have no problem sharing your information with the magistrate.

Yep. He's trying to bully you there. Say "OK! Let's go to the courts". Wait to see how quickly his story changes.

Good for you! Don't let this slide...time for him to grow up and face his parental responsibilities.

Agreed! Don't let it slide.

If you are considering negotiating and settling, it is good to know the likely imposed terms. Do remember upcoming education costs for university, college, trade schools, or whatever. The current fiscal pressure is going to increase a bit more for the next few years.

Good point by DnJ on upcoming expenses. Factor that in.

Well, I just got off the phone with him and now I actually do want to rob him. He did start crunching the numbers. Apparently, I would $12/week according to his calculations. And he will give me a one time payment of an extra $100.

DO NOT trust his calculations. It's in his interest to deceive. Consult a L! That's the only way you can be sure of what the courts would grant you.

He makes 81k per year. I made 123k last year. Because I work 2 jobs.

Again, I don't think the courts count a 2nd or 3rd job against you when it comes to child support...but consult an L!

i'm proud of you for addressing this with him. don't let this slide. and don't take his word for it. do a consult with a lawyer to know what you're really entitled to.

^YES

I would look at the formula for your state. I would then speak to a lawyer about it.

^YES

For one thing, would you need to work two jobs if you were getting a proper amount for child support?

^Right!!!

I would do a spreadsheet laying out what expenditures you are paying for and have it ready to present to a lawyer.

The more documentation the better.

I wouldn't believe a thing he's telling you. Of course, he's going to say what he did because he's hoping that you'll back down. Do not back down.

^YES, RIGHT! He has every incentive reason to lie and deceive and try to get you to back down. He is NOT going to like the result if you take him to court. Consult a L.

I crunched the numbers on the state calculator and they appear to be correct

Maybe. But you're running it on your total income of two jobs?

taking into account even his wife’s contribution to the house hold bills.

Does his W's income factor in? Usually not.

It’s just really sad and disappointing. Part of me wishes I had the opportunity to remarry to have a second income, sadly.

Yeah...dual income household would make it much easier. That's what you signed up for...

Don't give up. I would research every avenue to see if there is a way for him to provide more support, especially with her school activities and the "extras" that your daughter needs.

I know you feel bad about things, but there has to be some light at the end of the tunnel for you. You've worked so hard and have made every effort to have a good home for your daughter. Please, please still look into what, if anything, can help you out.

Don't give up. There has to be an answer out there that can help you.

^What job said

[BL42]

Ginger1,

It's great you broached the subject of increase child support with ExH, but don't let his "calculations" or reasoning dissuade you...consult with an L, lay out all the facts, and see what they say you are owed. That's the only way you'll truly know what a court would likely rule. With that knowledge you can negotiate a fair deal.

If you're feeling really devious leverage his affair with his W's best friends against him. A little subtle poke there might persuade him to be more reasonable ;-) But seriously...at least consult the L. What do you have to lose, an hour of your time and $100-200?