My wife says she is done

[BL42]

Dats000,

Congrats on the promotion! That's gotta be a boost.

Hope you're crushing it on the elliptical right now.

You've been in a sexless marriage for a decade. Time to not accept that anymore. I completely understand the feeling of wanting to fix your marriage and keep your family together, and I hope that happens for you, but if it does you can't go back into the same situation. And I hope your fear subsides because if it doesn't, you'll find a relationship that is much more rewarding than the one you have at the present.

[Dats000]

If your W is away with the kids this weekend do you have any GAL planned?

D10 was with me this weekend. Friday she and I watched a sappy dog movie and ate popcorn. Saturday exercised in the morning grocery and clothes shopped with my daughter. Made homemade Mac and cheese. Watched my sons activity from a live feed. Went to daughters activity and we went out to eat and got ice cream. Then we went home and I was shot. Today I fixed the center channel that was hanging from the bracket off on my TV in the master bedroom wrong for the last six years and then did laundry all day. Watched my son’s event from a live feed in the morning and then one this afternoon Now I’m at my daughters activity in the parking lot, waiting for her to get done. My wife and son are on their way back from his out of town activities with the chance that we are gonna tell the kids tonight about the divorce and mom moving out.

[BL42]

Dats000,

Sounds like a good weekend with D10. Well done.

My wife and son are on their way back from his out of town activities with the chance that we are gonna tell the kids tonight about the divorce and mom moving out.

That's an emotional event. It's going to be tough. Have you prepped for it as best you can? Thought about your words and anticipated the kids' questions and prepared responses?

You're welcome to come post about it afterwards to vent and let out emotions. I'll try to check back later and respond if you do.

[Ready2Change]

we are reading the same children’s love and logic parenting book so we go over that together.

That is a great book. I went some classes as well. Lots of the skills/concepts will work with your spouse as well.

[Ready2Change]

So being alone is huge as far as a fear.

You are lucky to realize this. Most of us get here and do not realize this.

So I can tell you from personal experience that you completely face this fear. Live alone for awhile. Get to happy alone.

That doesn't not mean stop being a parent. It just means when it is not your parenting time, you do things by yourself. That does not mean all the time either. Go out with friends, meet and interact with others.

When you come out the other other side, you will be content.

[Dats000]

Dats000,

Sounds like a good weekend with D10. Well done.

My wife and son are on their way back from his out of town activities with the chance that we are gonna tell the kids tonight about the divorce and mom moving out.

That's an emotional event. It's going to be tough. Have you prepped for it as best you can? Thought about your words and anticipated the kids' questions and prepared responses?

You're welcome to come post about it afterwards to vent and let out emotions. I'll try to check back later and respond if you do.

Wife and son got home around 5:30 last night wife wanted to know if I was ready to tell the kids I said it’s not so much about when to tell them it’s more about how we’re going to tell the kids and that we haven’t even talked about this. so when I was putting some clothes away in the bedroom wife was in there with me going over what she wanted to say. I said that was fine, got A little emotional, sucked it up and said let’s do it. I went to my daughter’s bedroom said we need to talk downstairs in the living room. We went to the living room where my son was at and said we had to talk. Then I let my wife tell them. She left them know that we love them and that we have been struggling to get along for some time. A decision was made to get a divorce and she will be moving out at the end of March they would be spending 50% of the time with each of us. My daughter asked my wife if my wife was OK looked at me and saw me crying and not saying anything for the first time in her life. I don’t think she knew what to do about that. My son just stared off in the corner. Neither of them had any questions except for my daughter wanted to know where the dogs would be. We let her know for the majority of time that they would be. Of course one of my dogs needed to go outside so I started walking my dog out and heard my daughter say it’s OK mom it’s just part of life don’t worry. While I was outside with the dog my daughter comes out gives me a hug, says that everything‘s gonna be fine and that she’s going up to her bedroom. Son still on the couch with my wife next to him making sure he is all right. I started doing dishes. Then s12 and wife go up to his room to talk. Feels like five minutes later my wife tells me that S12 wants me in his bedroom. Once I’m in s12 bedroom alone with him I tell him none of this was his fault, I’m not going anywhere I will always be here for you, and that it’s gonna take a lot of healing but we’re gonna be OK. Ask him if he wants to go into my bedroom and watch football he said yes we watch football and I asked him if he had any questions he said no I said do you want me to talk or be quiet. He said to be quiet. We watched football and he slept in my bed with the two dogs and he stayed home from school to process the news. daughter went to school. Tonight son seems better now. I asked him what he was thinking or how he’s feeling and said he was just shocked and wasn’t expecting to hear anything like this. And he was very shocked at his sister’s response. He felt that she didn’t seem affected her at all. Which I know is not gonna be the case all along We will let the school know and we will get them into counseling. I feel some temporary relief that we told them.

[BL42]

Dats000,

Man, that's tough. Gut wrenching to read. My kids were super young and now-ExW told them without me even though we agreed to tell them together. Did your daughter know something was up? Sounds like she took it almost too well? Maybe she's "being strong" for mom and dad, which isn't great either. Good you'll get them into counseling.

How are YOU doing? You mention temporary relief, but now that time is passing? Are you alright?

[Mach1]

Dats000,

Sounds like a good weekend with D10. Well done.

My wife and son are on their way back from his out of town activities with the chance that we are gonna tell the kids tonight about the divorce and mom moving out.

That's an emotional event. It's going to be tough. Have you prepped for it as best you can? Thought about your words and anticipated the kids' questions and prepared responses?

You're welcome to come post about it afterwards to vent and let out emotions. I'll try to check back later and respond if you do.

Wife and son got home around 5:30 last night wife wanted to know if I was ready to tell the kids I said it’s not so much about when to tell them it’s more about how we’re going to tell the kids and that we haven’t even talked about this. so when I was putting some clothes away in the bedroom wife was in there with me going over what she wanted to say. I said that was fine, got A little emotional, sucked it up and said let’s do it. I went to my daughter’s bedroom said we need to talk downstairs in the living room. We went to the living room where my son was at and said we had to talk. Then I let my wife tell them. She left them know that we love them and that we have been struggling to get along for some time. A decision was made to get a divorce and she will be moving out at the end of March they would be spending 50% of the time with each of us. My daughter asked my wife if my wife was OK looked at me and saw me crying and not saying anything for the first time in her life. I don’t think she knew what to do about that. My son just stared off in the corner. Neither of them had any questions except for my daughter wanted to know where the dogs would be. We let her know for the majority of time that they would be. Of course one of my dogs needed to go outside so I started walking my dog out and heard my daughter say it’s OK mom it’s just part of life don’t worry. While I was outside with the dog my daughter comes out gives me a hug, says that everything‘s gonna be fine and that she’s going up to her bedroom. Son still on the couch with my wife next to him making sure he is all right. I started doing dishes. Then s12 and wife go up to his room to talk. Feels like five minutes later my wife tells me that S12 wants me in his bedroom. Once I’m in s12 bedroom alone with him I tell him none of this was his fault, I’m not going anywhere I will always be here for you, and that it’s gonna take a lot of healing but we’re gonna be OK. Ask him if he wants to go into my bedroom and watch football he said yes we watch football and I asked him if he had any questions he said no I said do you want me to talk or be quiet. He said to be quiet. We watched football and he slept in my bed with the two dogs and he stayed home from school to process the news. daughter went to school. Tonight son seems better now. I asked him what he was thinking or how he’s feeling and said he was just shocked and wasn’t expecting to hear anything like this. And he was very shocked at his sister’s response. He felt that she didn’t seem affected her at all. Which I know is not gonna be the case all along We will let the school know and we will get them into counseling. I feel some temporary relief that we told them.

First off....that sukcs man.....been there and done that....

Secondly....

That was one of your fears, and it's done now....

What happens now is what you should focus on.

It WAS a fear, it didn't kill you, and now it's behind you....

It's what you do, how you handle this, how you react, and how you move forward that matters now.

Remember that your kiddos are watching YOU through this too....how you handle things will be a guiding force for them in their life also...



Dats, your fears have been driving you for the last few months, maybe even years now.

Think about this.

Do you remember when you were getting ready to be a Father for the first time ??

Didn't that scare the bejeezuz out of you ? I know that it did me.....

But look what happened with that.....

Would you be afraid of that now ? Knowing what you do now ?

I would say not by the sound of things.....

My point is this....

Don't let your fears drive you through this...

Things are wither gonna happen or they aren't...

It's how YOU move through them that will make a difference in your future.....

[DnJ]

Good Morning Dats

I feel for you man. That’s a tough conversation to have.

Well done listening to the kids. At times it’s not about answers, it’s about just being together watching football.

D

[DW17]

I've been following along and that sounds like a very difficult conversation. My two older kids (18, 19) already know what’s going on so I’ve been able to stay in constant communication with them about it. I’m lucky that D18 is leaving for college next year and S19 barely even talks to W. I know it will affect them, but not nearly as much as if they were your kids’ ages. My youngest just turned 5 and I have no clue how she will process everything. But I feel for you man. Keep being strong for your kids. From my experience, they process a lot more than they let on. And the emotions that are held in will often come out in a more destructive way later on. Good luck and keep posting.