I have recently married a young beautiful woman (married for several months now). We are both in our late 20's and have been together for 5+ years now. As every couple we had our ups and downs, but we always had fun moments, inside jokes and shared our passion for travelling, board games, music and other things. However, things took a negative turn in recent months.
Last year we have created good memories by taking items from our bucket lists together and organized the wedding to every small detail together. Our wedding took place several months ago and everyone said we looked truly happy. I thought she would be the one and dedicated all my love to her. However, immediately after the wedding something has changed. She became colder and colder until about a month ago she decided to leave our home (living together for 4+ years). We have been separated for more than a month now. She is stating that she lost her feelings and will not get them back. That I am the wrong person for her and she does not love my anymore. She told me that trying to save our marriage will change nothing and she is 100% confident in divorce.
For several weeks now, she has been saying that we should divorce and that the marriage was a mistake. I asked several times to work on our issues and to solve them together, but she is refusing and has been mostly silent on our relationship topic apart from several discussions. She is refusing couples therapy and just wants to end it badly. Even in this situation, none of us can say any particular bad words about each other. She is not specifically blaming me for obvious negative traits, I am not mad at her. She just wants to find "herself" and needs to be selfish for once.
She is telling me that her life is great apart our relationship, but her close relatives are stating that she is different from the times when she was happy and her usual self. She also had a heavy loss in her family early last year and even mentioned burnout at some point. Now, it seems that she wants to shake things up heavily. She has booked several impulsive vacation trips which is quite unusual for her and seems to be running away whenever opportunity arises. Also, made several big purchases in a span of a month. Lost a lot of weight naturally.
One day she is stating that she is tired from everything, especially her work. Another day she is saying that she has never been as delighted and positive as right now. One day we have normal conversation and she even hugs me/initiates contact herself. The next time she is cold and avoids me.
She constantly comes back home to take a thing or two, but never takes all of her stuff. Also, whenever we discussed filing for divorce, she mentioned that there is no rush and we can file it in the future. I am trying to give her the full support and validate her feelings these days and not force anything. Giving her the space to travel and do her own thing. I am attending IC.
I've been reading the forum and implemented quite a lot of ideas into our relationship over the past several weeks. Especially remaining calm and maintaining self-control during our conversations. No rushed words, trying to avoid being needy or controlling. Giving her the space and mostly waiting for her to contact me. However, most of the comments on these forums are for couples that have been in marriage for years or are at a later stage in life. Not sure if I should apply everything given our short-term in marriage and age.
Any tips from the veterans on what would be the best steps in this situation? Should I pay much attention to little details (i.e. if she wants to hug or avoids hugging, her removing wedding ring) or it is better not to focus on those?
Thank you. Any advice would be heavily appreciated!
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Get out and Get a Life (GAL).
DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Start moving in the other direction. Meaning, instead of pursing her (requesting counseling, initiating R talks...etc.) start acting like it's a great thing she wants this and you're going to enjoy your space. If you have the fortitude help her with her stuff...pack it up and let her know it's ready for her to take (in a nice, pleasant, respectful way...not out of anger/bitterness).
Your goal is to 1) detach from the R for your own sake, and 2) make her FEEL like she's losing you and question what she's doing. Notice I used the word feel. It's an EMOTION, not a logical argument...you can't "logic" her back into thinking she should stay, so don't try.
I hate to say this, but based on your description she's likely caught up in an EA and/or PA. What does your gut say there? Any "suspects"?
Regardless, you should take away all focus from W and potential OM and focus on yourself. Don't stay at home on the couch wallowing for her and your R. Go out on a walk every time you feel down. Go to the gym. Grab dinner and drinks with a friend. Stay busy...GAL! It's the best way to avoid being depress and not wasting your time being down on the situation instead of living your best life.
TellMeSo - I know it's extremely difficult right now and you're likely spinning but it WILL be OK. You're young and have a whole lot of wonderful life in front of you. Not sure you're ready to hear it, but this happens a few months after you get married? You might thank her for showing you who she is so soon instead of after 20 years and 3 kids.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
We are both in our late 20's and have been together for 5+ years now.
You're relatively young and less attached than most around here - use that to your advantage.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
We have been separated for more than a month now.
Where is she living?
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
She is stating that she lost her feelings and will not get them back.
That's how she feels right now
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
I asked several times to work on our issues and to solve them together, but she is refusing and has been mostly silent on our relationship topic apart from several discussions.
You've asked, now stop asking. Do not ask again.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
She is refusing couples therapy and just wants to end it badly.
Do not pursue any couples therapy / marriage counseling. IF she come back and wants to work on things, that's another story, but for now do not initiate, suggest...etc.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
She just wants to find "herself" and needs to be selfish for once.
Yeah..."find herself"
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
She has booked several impulsive vacation trips which is quite unusual for her and seems to be running away whenever opportunity arises. Also, made several big purchases in a span of a month.
Who is funding this? Talk to an L and understand the legal financial implications. In many places any assets & debts (especially post-marital) are held jointly, so her expensive vacations and purchases are on you too. You should talk to an L ASAP and may want to something to legally separate the finances so you're not on the hook.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
She constantly comes back home to take a thing or two, but never takes all of her stuff.
Again, you have to make her FEEL like she's losing you and wonder if she's making a mistake. The way to do that is embrace it. Instead of holding on and trying to "save things" you have to let go and find peace about it. So I'm serious...instead her coming every other day and picking up one or two items, you take the initiative and packing up her stuff, nicely friendly respectfully. With a smile on your face say "Hey W, I helped pack up your things. Here you go. Best of luck :-)
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
Also, whenever we discussed filing for divorce, she mentioned that there is no rush and we can file it in the future.
Is she financially benefiting from this arrangement? I'd be very concerned about the expensive vacations and purchases. Do not put yourself on the hook for half of her debt. You might speed up a legal/financial separation.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
I am trying to give her the full support and validate her feelings these days and not force anything.
Good to not force anything - you can't anyway, btw - but I'd be wary about "full support". Might be time to stop providing her emotional support.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
I am attending IC.
Excellent!
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
Especially remaining calm and maintaining self-control during our conversations.
How many conversations are you having being separated? Might be time to cut the cord there. Be too busy and active to answer her phone calls. Delay answering the texts. Be brief and mysterious about it.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
However, most of the comments on these forums are for couples that have been in marriage for years or are at a later stage in life. Not sure if I should apply everything given our short-term in marriage and age.
Not sure there's really a major difference in approach being married less than a year vs. 20.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
Should I pay much attention to little details (i.e. if she wants to hug or avoids hugging, her removing wedding ring) or it is better not to focus on those?
Better not to focus. I remember being very upset when W removed her ring, and even when she changed her Facebook profile. Neither mattered in the scheme of things.
TellMeSo - Again, hate to say this but...sudden coldness, "the wrong person for her", "not love my anymore", "needs to find herself", loss of weight, trips away...all tell tale signs of AP. It doesn't change your approach, but prepare yourself for the likely possibility. It'll cause you to spin.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
First of all, huge thank you for your answers/questions. She is living with her parents.
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
I asked several times to work on our issues and to solve them together, but she is refusing and has been mostly silent on our relationship topic apart from several discussions.
You've asked, now stop asking. Do not ask again.
Yes, I've done that. No such requests for 2-3 weeks. Basically it stopped immediately after she told me she wants to divorce.
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
She has booked several impulsive vacation trips which is quite unusual for her and seems to be running away whenever opportunity arises. Also, made several big purchases in a span of a month.
Who is funding this? Talk to an L and understand the legal financial implications. In many places any assets & debts (especially post-marital) are held jointly, so her expensive vacations and purchases are on you too. You should talk to an L ASAP and may want to something to legally separate the finances so you're not on the hook.
We both make good money at our jobs. She is funding it by her own salary. As far as I know, it's not expensive trips compared to the salary.
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
She constantly comes back home to take a thing or two, but never takes all of her stuff.
Again, you have to make her FEEL like she's losing you and wonder if she's making a mistake. The way to do that is embrace it. Instead of holding on and trying to "save things" you have to let go and find peace about it. So I'm serious...instead her coming every other day and picking up one or two items, you take the initiative and packing up her stuff, nicely friendly respectfully. With a smile on your face say "Hey W, I helped pack up your things. Here you go. Best of luck :-)
Doesn't this tell a story that I want her out of home and my life?
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
I am trying to give her the full support and validate her feelings these days and not force anything.
Good to not force anything - you can't anyway, btw - but I'd be wary about "full support". Might be time to stop providing her emotional support.
Yes. My ability to give her emotional support truly depends on her mood swings these days. I could not even call it giving emotional support.
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
Especially remaining calm and maintaining self-control during our conversations.
How many conversations are you having being separated? Might be time to cut the cord there. Be too busy and active to answer her phone calls. Delay answering the texts. Be brief and mysterious about it.
These days it's once or twice a week.
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
Should I pay much attention to little details (i.e. if she wants to hug or avoids hugging, her removing wedding ring) or it is better not to focus on those?
Better not to focus. I remember being very upset when W removed her ring, and even when she changed her Facebook profile. Neither mattered in the scheme of things.
TellMeSo - Again, hate to say this but...sudden coldness, "the wrong person for her", "not love my anymore", "needs to find herself", loss of weight, trips away...all tell tale signs of AP. It doesn't change your approach, but prepare yourself for the likely possibility. It'll cause you to spin.
To be honest my analytical mindset is creating fantasies that she might have AP, but my gut is saying that there is none. Well maybe an EA, but it's maybe. Before and after the wedding we spent most of the time together, thus there was no convenient time for her to find any OM. One could guess that she might have one now, but I doubt that this was the reason for sudden split.
I definitely feel that she is having heavy mood swings. One day she seems to be angry about everything, another day she seems fine. And her response to me is also reflected heavily by her mood. I would actually say that her weight loss is the cause of stress. She is not training and eating unhealthy food constantly. It should add to her weight, not help her lose it.
During IC we have also deducted EA or PA as one of the reasons why this is happening. Not sure if this is common in divorces, but it definitely feels that she tries to avoid making any decisions right now and tries to postpone it by running away. Even if she is saying other things in words. This thought was also supported by other people close to us.
Perhaps I am wrong and naive, but I definitely feel that there is stress or anxiety in the air for her. My analytical mind and gut is also supporting this. Would be good to know if someone else felt like this and how it ended.
Welcome to the boards. Please do read the links on the welcome post; lots of good information there. (Thanks Mach for copying it for T. Not too frozen by the way. )
Have you read MWD’s Divorce Busting yet?
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
She is telling me that her life is great apart our relationship, but her close relatives are stating that she is different from the times when she was happy and her usual self. She also had a heavy loss in her family early last year and even mentioned burnout at some point.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
One day she is stating that she is tired from everything, especially her work. Another day she is saying that she has never been as delighted and positive as right now. One day we have normal conversation and she even hugs me/initiates contact herself. The next time she is cold and avoids me.
It’s pretty obvious from your account that W is going through something. Grief/depression are clearly evident. Some unprocessed feelings regarding her heavy family loss is likely been stirred up from the recent nuptials.
Also, and more to divorce busting, is “her” loss. In marriage one gains and loses. She lost her “single” identity. Marriage is much different than dating. Some folks settle quickly and others take a harder path. Do not assign cause and effect rational to her sudden behaviour change. Her present path is driven by emotions. The marriage likely just uncovered something she didn’t realize, or was trying to bury. How much do you know about her childhood, family, and her growing up times?
A few questions:
You dated for 4+ years. How long did you two live together before getting married?
Where is she currently living?
Are your finances joint or separate? If joint, for how long?
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
…immediately after the wedding something has changed. She became colder and colder until about a month ago she decided to leave our home (living together for 4+ years). We have been separated for more than a month now. She is stating that she lost her feelings and will not get them back. That I am the wrong person for her and she does not love my anymore. She told me that trying to save our marriage will change nothing and she is 100% confident in divorce.
Pretty standard stuff T. She feels like this, and she feels that this is how it will now be.
Feelings are fleeting. Quick to rise up and quick to extinguish when not reinforced.
In a scant few months her feelings changed and she is “now” confident her feelings will not change again. She was rather confident about her feeling regarding the wedding too. Like I said, feelings are fleeting. Your goal is to not reinforce her.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
For several weeks now, she has been saying that we should divorce and that the marriage was a mistake. I asked several times to work on our issues and to solve them together, but she is refusing and has been mostly silent on our relationship topic apart from several discussions. She is refusing couples therapy and just wants to end it badly. Even in this situation, none of us can say any particular bad words about each other. She is not specifically blaming me for obvious negative traits, I am not mad at her. She just wants to find "herself" and needs to be selfish for once.
You’ve told her your views and desire to work on the marriage and relationship. No need to tell her again.
Stop talks about the relationship. Or solving things. Or working on this together.
She has told you she need to find herself. And yes, she is mixed up.
Basically, anything you say or do regarding trying to save things or change her mind is more justification/proof to her that she is right. This is a most counterintuitive situation you find yourself in. She is driven by non-rational forces and will not be resolved by your rational thoughts.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
I've been reading the forum and implemented quite a lot of ideas into our relationship over the past several weeks. Especially remaining calm and maintaining self-control during our conversations. No rushed words, trying to avoid being needy or controlling. Giving her the space and mostly waiting for her to contact me. However, most of the comments on these forums are for couples that have been in marriage for years or are at a later stage in life. Not sure if I should apply everything given our short-term in marriage and age.
I’m glad you posted. And good on you implementing DB principles.
Remain calm and cordial.
No R talks.
Focus on you. Be upbeat and live your life. (It’s great for you, and provides best chance at reconciling. She needs to feel what she is losing.)
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
…whenever we discussed filing for divorce, she mentioned that there is no rush and we can file it in the future. I am trying to give her the full support and validate her feelings these days and not force anything. Giving her the space to travel and do her own thing. I am attending IC.
I’d stop discussing divorce. You’ve made it clear you don’t want it, the ball is in her court. A positive - she isn’t jumping at divorce. She is delaying it. Interesting seeing her conflicted feelings in her actions. Contrasted to what she says. Actions vs words. Realize her words about not ever feeling for you again is her trying to justify herself. Her actions speak differently.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
Any tips from the veterans on what would be the best steps in this situation? Should I pay much attention to little details (i.e. if she wants to hug or avoids hugging, her removing wedding ring) or it is better not to focus on those?
Thank you. Any advice would be heavily appreciated!
Don’t place too much meaning on to every detail. Her path and behaviour is emotionally driven, and feelings change. Therefor the “reasons” and behaviour changes too. One moments she’ll want a hug, the next no hug. Same for wearing her ring, and so on.
Give her time and space. Work on you.
It sounds like you and her still converse. Eventually, she will likely reach back, and you should more date again. The majority of your five years together was BF/GF not husband/wife. Reconciling, when/if, will need a familiar foundation.
I’d also recommend talking to one of the Divorce Busting coaches here. That would be an excellent accompanying to your IC.
Hope to talk again soon.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
First of all, huge thank you for your answers/questions. She is living with her parents.
How is your relationship with her parents? What's the dynamic like between you and her family?
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
Yes, I've done that. No such requests for 2-3 weeks. Basically it stopped immediately after she told me she wants to divorce.
Good.
Originally Posted by BL42
We both make good money at our jobs. She is funding it by her own salary. As far as I know, it's not expensive trips compared to the salary.
Fair enough. But again, marital purchases/debt can end up split by both parties unless you can both amicably agree your finances are your own, which sometimes at first can seem likely and then over time get nasty. Hopefully with the short duration of the marriage to date it'll be straightforward, but at least consult with an L to know where you stand. It never hurts to get professional advice on where you stand. Knowledge = power.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
She constantly comes back home to take a thing or two, but never takes all of her stuff.
Again, you have to make her FEEL like she's losing you and wonder if she's making a mistake. The way to do that is embrace it. Instead of holding on and trying to "save things" you have to let go and find peace about it. So I'm serious...instead her coming every other day and picking up one or two items, you take the initiative and packing up her stuff, nicely friendly respectfully. With a smile on your face say "Hey W, I helped pack up your things. Here you go. Best of luck :-)
Doesn't this tell a story that I want her out of home and my life?
Or, does it tell her a story of you've heard her feelings and requests and you're honoring them? And that you're happy and enjoying life regardless of her decisions? And maybe she wonders why that is and whether she's making a mistake?
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
Especially remaining calm and maintaining self-control during our conversations.
How many conversations are you having being separated? Might be time to cut the cord there. Be too busy and active to answer her phone calls. Delay answering the texts. Be brief and mysterious about it.
These days it's once or twice a week.
Be busier. Be so active you're not always around to answer her call or respond to her text. Make her FEEL like she's losing you...even if she doesn't want you at the moment.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
To be honest my analytical mindset is creating fantasies that she might have AP, but my gut is saying that there is none.
Hmmm...so many analytical people here. Don't analyze too much. Be mindful of emotional attraction and her FEELINGS too.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
Well maybe an EA, but it's maybe.
Read up on affairs. Men tend to discount EAs, whereas often times these are far more serious for women.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
Before and after the wedding we spent most of the time together, thus there was no convenient time for her to find any OM. One could guess that she might have one now, but I doubt that this was the reason for sudden split.
You say you doubt it because she didn't have the time...but she's traveling to places?
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
During IC we have also deducted EA or PA as one of the reasons why this is happening.
An extremely high percentage of situations here - especially the ones similiar to what you describe end up finding out about an affair being a factor. Like 95%+...even when the LBS says "no way". Just be warned and prepare yourself mentally for the possibility.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Your wife has given you a great gift, even if you can't see it right now. You have a great opportunity that most your age do not get this early in life. You have a chance for huge personal growth.
Everyone here is going to give you great advise. The hardest thing for you will be determining which behavior to apply to each particular decision you are making. Everything you need to do will feel counter-intuitive.
For example, you are looking at her and watching her behavior. You really should only be looking at your behavior. That is all you can control. If you change the way you interact with her, it forces a change in the relationship (good or bad).
You are going to have to fight hard your natural instinct to pursue her. She is your wife and you want to support her 100% (with your actions) in her decision. Even if you completely disagree with her decision. Fight every urge in your body that wants to argue or discuss issues with her.
Come here and seek wise advise before making any decisions. Knowledge is power. You can mull over lots of ideas that you may not have initially considered.
During this process, you should question (challenge) all of your beliefs.
Welcome to the boards. Please do read the links on the welcome post; lots of good information there. (Thanks Mach for copying it for T. Not too frozen by the way. )
Have you read MWD’s Divorce Busting yet?
Thank you for your kind response! I mostly read through the forums, but I am aiming to read Divorce Busting soon.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
She is telling me that her life is great apart our relationship, but her close relatives are stating that she is different from the times when she was happy and her usual self. She also had a heavy loss in her family early last year and even mentioned burnout at some point.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
One day she is stating that she is tired from everything, especially her work. Another day she is saying that she has never been as delighted and positive as right now. One day we have normal conversation and she even hugs me/initiates contact herself. The next time she is cold and avoids me.
It’s pretty obvious from your account that W is going through something. Grief/depression are clearly evident. Some unprocessed feelings regarding her heavy family loss is likely been stirred up from the recent nuptials.
Also, and more to divorce busting, is “her” loss. In marriage one gains and loses. She lost her “single” identity. Marriage is much different than dating. Some folks settle quickly and others take a harder path. Do not assign cause and effect rational to her sudden behaviour change. Her present path is driven by emotions. The marriage likely just uncovered something she didn’t realize, or was trying to bury. How much do you know about her childhood, family, and her growing up times?
A few questions:
You dated for 4+ years. How long did you two live together before getting married?
Where is she currently living?
Are your finances joint or separate? If joint, for how long?
Her parents have been divorced, but she has a loving family. She haven't mentioned any major issues during the years. We have been living together basically for the whole relationship period.
She is currently living with her mom. We have semi-joint finances, where both contribute to various expenses (mortgage, utilities, groceries), but we have separate bank accounts and do not have a joint account.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
…immediately after the wedding something has changed. She became colder and colder until about a month ago she decided to leave our home (living together for 4+ years). We have been separated for more than a month now. She is stating that she lost her feelings and will not get them back. That I am the wrong person for her and she does not love my anymore. She told me that trying to save our marriage will change nothing and she is 100% confident in divorce.
Pretty standard stuff T. She feels like this, and she feels that this is how it will now be.
Feelings are fleeting. Quick to rise up and quick to extinguish when not reinforced.
In a scant few months her feelings changed and she is “now” confident her feelings will not change again. She was rather confident about her feeling regarding the wedding too. Like I said, feelings are fleeting. Your goal is to not reinforce her.
Got it, no reinforcement.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
I've been reading the forum and implemented quite a lot of ideas into our relationship over the past several weeks. Especially remaining calm and maintaining self-control during our conversations. No rushed words, trying to avoid being needy or controlling. Giving her the space and mostly waiting for her to contact me. However, most of the comments on these forums are for couples that have been in marriage for years or are at a later stage in life. Not sure if I should apply everything given our short-term in marriage and age.
I’m glad you posted. And good on you implementing DB principles.
Remain calm and cordial.
No R talks.
Focus on you. Be upbeat and live your life. (It’s great for you, and provides best chance at reconciling. She needs to feel what she is losing.).
How exactly does one feel what he/she is losing?
Originally Posted by DnJ
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
…whenever we discussed filing for divorce, she mentioned that there is no rush and we can file it in the future. I am trying to give her the full support and validate her feelings these days and not force anything. Giving her the space to travel and do her own thing. I am attending IC.
I’d stop discussing divorce. You’ve made it clear you don’t want it, the ball is in her court. A positive - she isn’t jumping at divorce. She is delaying it. Interesting seeing her conflicted feelings in her actions. Contrasted to what she says. Actions vs words. Realize her words about not ever feeling for you again is her trying to justify herself. Her actions speak differently.
Agreed, I have the same opinion. Just I am wondering whether she is not taking action because she is indecisive or she is simply busy/lazy to take action. I can visually see that she is overworked and tired.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
Any tips from the veterans on what would be the best steps in this situation? Should I pay much attention to little details (i.e. if she wants to hug or avoids hugging, her removing wedding ring) or it is better not to focus on those?
Thank you. Any advice would be heavily appreciated!
Don’t place too much meaning on to every detail. Her path and behaviour is emotionally driven, and feelings change. Therefor the “reasons” and behaviour changes too. One moments she’ll want a hug, the next no hug. Same for wearing her ring, and so on.
Give her time and space. Work on you.
It sounds like you and her still converse. Eventually, she will likely reach back, and you should more date again. The majority of your five years together was BF/GF not husband/wife. Reconciling, when/if, will need a familiar foundation.
I’d also recommend talking to one of the Divorce Busting coaches here. That would be an excellent accompanying to your IC.
Hope to talk again soon.
D
Thank you. I am trying to make a lot of positive changes for myself. This has been the trend ever since we married. I have improved a ton even before the BD, but now I am focusing on myself even further.
She has not shown much emotion in the past month to me or others. Even thought, she shows high emotions all the time. That's what is creating confusion for me when considering her behaviour and your statement that her behaviour is "emotionally driven".
Do you have any tips whether I should propose a date if she reaches out or wait for her to propose spending time together?
Thank you again!
Last edited by DnJ; 01/10/2306:24 PM. Reason: Corrected typo.
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