Action 6

[DnJ]

I decided to reach out to S. I told him that I wanted to be more real and respectable as a man with him and as his dad, I told him that he has every right and reason to be angry at W and that he could be angry at me and disappointed. He thanked me and didn’t have much to say.

Good for you.

It will take some time for son to open up. You’ve opened the conversation, now let him come to you.

D

[Rockon]

Oo boy DnJ you are hitting the nail on the head. Gonna let this sink in more. And I’m going out to play some pool with the guys.

[Ready2Change]

I’m thinking the best DB response would be a "truth dart" or two.

There is also "reverse babel"

These are good candidates:

1) brave enough
2) imagine a healthier life for both of us.
3) friendship very difficult.

Again, no need to respond to her, but you can practice with us here. You spin her word back at her.

Better yet, go out with the boys and shoot some pool.

[Rockon]

Anyone watching this hockey game?

[Kind18]

I’m thinking the best DB response would be a "truth dart" or two.

I think a truth dart might be helpful if Rockon still wants to be with this nut job. Personally, I’d block her number and be running the other way.

However, my suggestion for a truth dart would be this;

“So let me get this right… you define “being brave” as having an affair, destroying a marriage and ripping our children’s lives apart?

You need a psychologist. I am not interested nor qualified to help you.”

[Kind18]

Rock, read DNJs response again. DNJ is all over the meaning of her messages like white on rice.

He also tends to bring less of a sledgehammer approach than I do 🤣

Hang in there mate, it will get better. I’m not watching ice hockey, I’m on the other side of the world watching cricket 🏏

How’s the exercise program going? I’ve been a bit slack myself lately.

[BL42]

1) When you engage, you lose.
2) If you absolutely feel like responded, wait 24 hours to come up with a response.
3) Always use the least number (and simplest) of words needed to get your point across. Here are my top three one word responses (Yes, No, Perfect)

Great rules, R2C. Heed them, Rockon!

I use the word sorry more as an empathy word and not as an apology word.
I would add "I am sorry you were hurt" if I wanted to validate that I understand her emotional state.

R2C - I get what you're saying an empathy vs. apology, and maybe it's semantics, but I personally don't like "sorry" in validation because LBSs are usually too apologetic and come off as weak. IMO it helps to purposefully stop using it casually (unless an apology is actually warranted) to strengthen the LBS mindset and flip the power. Stop sounding weak and apologetic for every little insignificant thing when your spouse is having an affair, separated, and is divorcing you.

Always be on the side of your kids. And unapologetically! Your are their rock! Period!

Well said, D! Unapologetically side with your kids. It's your W who is causing this disfunction.

[Rockon]

I’m ramping it up again. Fell out of routine on the holidays but my Ss and friends are into it and so am I. Boxing, hiking, lifting weights and mobility relaxation exercises.

[DnJ]

He also tends to bring less of a sledgehammer approach than I do 🤣

LOL!

[Rockon]

Text from S - he’s opening up

“Sorry it seems like I’m mad at you. I’m not. I just don’t really want to hear what’s going on with you and mom. Also…Also…. Even... I get that…I didn’t participate in Christmas cuz I’m not down... It’s not good for me.

Anyways this is a response to the phone call yesterday. I was with other people so I don’t even really know what you said but I remember you saying you thought I might be mad at you.”

Planning to keep the door open and give him respect.