I wonder why W has increasing conflict with your parents. I suspect she is projecting upon them. Perhaps feelings from/about her own parents and upbringing. Things she doesn’t yet, and cannot yet, see clearly.
This is amazingly prescient. W's parents are good people, but she felt very slighted by them in childhood when the church dominated their lives. Her parents never signed her up for youth sports or activities or attended events. She also looks at them as more or less choosing religion over her. Possible number one catalyst for MLC - unresolved hurts from childhood. W also passed up pursuing a career-path program at a fairly prestigious university to attend a smaller school with her boyfriend at the time, who became husband #1. She did not get to party or go out much at all due to her college life revolving around him. That's probably why the New Year's thing was so appealing to her.
Originally Posted by DnJ
That is certainly some snooping around. Finding her private conversation between her and her counselor. And bringing that up to her. Doug, stop going down that road. That is a cheese-less tunnel for your emotional state.
Slight correction - I did not let her know I saw the texts to and from the counselor. That part was not broached. I still get your drift about the cheeseless tunnel.
Quote
Nothing has changed, he just decides to get obsessive.
So, this text from W to her counselor referred to her own behavior. Like, she's not doing anything "new" on the affair front, I just reacted to information garnered in snooping. What does "nothing's changed" mean, of course? The frequency of meeting up with OP? Their exact behaviors? The duration of their nightly text sessions? Who knows.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Turn your focus from W and into something better. That is not ignoring, just less following. Live and love your life. And at times hold W appropriately accountable, letting her consequences befall as they do. Boundary driven, not manipulating or such.
What would be an example of holding W "appropriately accountable"? How should I act towards her around the house?
Well it may help to understand what she is going through. There is some really good information out there regarding Happiness U-curve, the female brain and hormones. It is not uncommon for a woman your Ws age to want to blow up her life completely.
The really unfortunate thing is that there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it.
I appreciate the perspective, LH. I guess it comes down to how much one can tolerate. Which of the two options in your other post would you advocate, knowing what you know? Ignorance and self-focus, or trying to apply consequences to wayward behavior? Again, didn't Sandi say wayward wives should be reigned in? Probably wouldn't work in my situation given the nature of MLC.
I apologize if my posts are taking on a repetitive tone. I feel like I was coasting without too much concern over what W was up to and curiosity got the best of me, and threw me for a loop.
So a lot depends on where you are at mentally. I can tell you there is no shame in sucking it up to keep your family together. Like my ex your W isn’t flaunting another man in your face. You also have the option of moving her out of the master bedroom and separating finances and removing all support.
It [censored] man it really does but I can tell you that it will be ok. . Those memories have been emotionally erased from my mind. I can remember what happened but I can’t remember how I felt at the time.
I really don’t have any respect for my exw other than she’s a decent mom. She just introduced my kids to another BF it’s like 4 now. My son made fun of him and rolled his eyes. It’s really sad to see the person she’s become from the person she was but it is what it is.
The road your W is going on is not one you want any part of moving forward.
So a lot depends on where you are at mentally. I can tell you there is no shame in sucking it up to keep your family together. Like my ex your W isn’t flaunting another man in your face. You also have the option of moving her out of the master bedroom and separating finances and removing all support.
I think W fears a fault divorce too much to ever flaunt some other man. Also, I think she realizes whatever it is, is fantasy-based. Maybe this mf'er is already married himself. I think it's just something giving her tingles that is fine being what it is. Doesn't make it any more palatable for me.
LH, did you ever consider moving your W out of the master bedroom? I know you didn't, but did it cross your mind? Did you have separate finances after you knew there was nothing that would change your wife's mind about D?
Originally Posted by LH19
BTW you never gave more info on the sex course.
Can I name it on here, or what exactly do you want to know?
Truthfully no. I did tell her I wasn’t sleeping anywhere else. Also, we tried to keep it normal for the kids as much as possible. We had separate finances during our marriage. We split bills based on income. Truthfully I never worried about her spending out of control because she was super frugal which was an issue in our marriage.
I’m not as big of a claim the master bedroom to get respect guy unless it’s a known physical affair. But I am a do not sleep elsewhere guy.
What was the course about? Teaching you how to be better at sex?
What was the course about? Teaching you how to be better at sex?
Here's what it says on the website: "Online Courses & Guides - Sex and relationships are such an important part of our lives, but it's not like anyone ever handed us a user manual for intimacy! We feel awkward and embarrassed talking about our needs - even with our long-term partner - so we keep our mouths shut. We try the "fake it til you make it" approach to confidence - but stay firmly planted in "fake it" territory. [...] Our online courses and guides have helped tens of thousands of couples transform their relationships - in and out of the bedroom. We've got something for every budget.
View the courses - I'm looking for: - Orgasm -Fun in the bedroom -Challenges -Sex drive -Male performance -Relationships -For parents
I could not access which particular course my W had purchased.
That would be great if she was working on the marriage. In the thick of my sitch my ex bought a book on our shared Amazon account “How to find the love you deserve”. SMH lol.
