Stories of imagination tend to upset those without

[AndrewP]

That was a busy weekend. I'm working from home today as I have to go see the optometrist later to get another pair of "old guy" glasses.

Saturday I attended a choral concert at C's church. I had a good time. My seat mate was a charming young lady of about 2 years old that would from time to time wander over and just lean against me watching the performance. Her mother apologized but seemed happy that there was a toddler friendly person there. It was a great performance and the charity that they were supporting did well from the attendees.

Sunday had brunch with my son as usual. Sadly the cafe we go to will be closing for a few months due to staffing shortages and the fact that the owners don't want to bother with snow removal so we'll have to find somewhere else for a while.

I did talk to my son about his dating in casual conversation. He's signed up on Tinder and has had zero nibbles so far. I suspect he's not put a lot of effort into his profile but it's a positive thing I think that he's opening himself up to opportunities. One of his friends recently married someone from Thailand which we both feel is rather bizarre and suggested that he could set my son up with a Thai girl quite easily

We also had an interesting chat about his relationship with his relatives on both sides. I know he doesn't have one on my side and it appears that he has pretty much nothing to do with the other either. Kind of sad in some ways. He grumbled about how historically any interactions with his mother's family were all centred around his aunt and uncle and how our family was marginalized. On my side, I know that we're not close and rarely interact but that's just the way we are. I'm glad at least that I've worked on maintaining a relationship with my own kids. It's easy to be busy and let things slide I know.

For myself I'm still not on any apps and am still figuring that it won't be until the spring before I make any pro-active moves. I'm doing ok on my own and as time goes on, more and more I have difficulty imagining what it would be like to have someone else around. Other than a few months 2 years ago, it's now coming up on about 6 full years that I've been partner-less. Which, no matter how you look at it, is a pretty large number. I found this study that says:

Immediately after a breakup, the average person will:

Have a 25% chance of entering a new relationship after seven months.
Have a 50% chance of entering a new relationship after one year and eight months.
Have a 75% chance of entering a new relationship after three years and six months.

So I'm in the 25% club there it would seem. I would imagine for men that the numbers are even higher with more men being re-partnered up fairly quickly. Not that I have any information that beyond the random things I've read here and elsewhere.

I've been having a bunch of dreams lately that involve my xW and us being together. Blech. The anger I have towards her is largely dissipated away. 15 more payments to go. It's good for me that she's just another bill I have to pay. After all these years I can't imagine her having any sort of epiphany and acting on it. I'm certainly not reaching out to her. My only worry is that after that last payment that she may try to hit me up to keep funding her and OM. And that's not a big worry as the agreement is very specific that it is not to be re-opened.

My plans around Christmas Day are pretty much firmed up now. I've decided I'm going to make myself a tourtiere for Christmas Day dinner and just mostly hang out and relax. I'll do a bit of baking as well to get ready for Boxing Day when my son will be coming over. I'm still struggling to get my new bread recipe to work out properly. The first time I did it, it was almost just right and each attempt since has gone the other way. I think that the most recent attempt was over-kneaded and didn't rise because of that.

[AndrewP]

Merry Christmas from snowy Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan!

We've had a multi-day snow event here that is hopefully winding down today. The drifts in the driveway are probably chest deep having gone from essentially nothing on Friday morning. Checking in on the plant they didn't get very much there but I do know that one of our deliveries yesterday ended up in the ditch. Upright and the driver is ok thank heavens. He was stuck there for some hours - he had to wait first for a plow to clear the road so that the tow operator could tug him out. A difficult operation I'm sure with 40 metric tonnes of hazardous goods on board. Another issue is that this is the only quad axle trailer in the fleet that can carry this size of a load and it's supposed to be re-loaded again today.

I'm also covering for another role for a couple of weeks so will be doing office stuff daily for the next few days even though technically I am on holiday. The plant keeps running though so somebody has to look at the numbers

I was disappointed to find on social media that quite a number of people went out in the last couple of days despite the conditions and the fact that the roads were officially closed. The postings were of people who were in the ditch for multiple hours or even stuck right in the middle of the road. I do hope that everyone was ok but am annoyed that people felt that they were entitled to go out and then risk our emergency services in rescuing their sorry a$$

I only ventured outside twice yesterday. Once to take the trash and compost out and then to pop in to a neighbour who wanted to use some of the duck fat I have for a recipe. I'll probably head out shortly and get my driveway cleared - it may take a while. I'll also probably clear the end of the drive of my neighbour across the street who doesn't have a snowblower.

I'm not expecting the roads to be opened before early afternoon at this point although undoubtedly there are lots of people who will head out as soon as they see the plow go by. I believe my son is spending at least dinner today with his mother which might be problematic as the roads between them are closed.

Quiet day planned for today. Even though I'm working on embracing the concept of celebrating Christmas just by myself, the nagging "something's missing" feeling is there. I've exchanged Christmas greetings with friends far and near (modern technology does have some benefits). I'm going through the daily plant production now and then intend to spend the day puttering and spoiling myself and doing some prep for the big dinner to be made tomorrow.

Even though I did everything I could and more to try to keep my marriage together, I know both in my head and heart that it is for the best that it ended and that a new chapter began. This past year especially it's seemed like I'm just marking time and pedaling to stay in the same place.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and reading though about how I want to shape my future. There is one spot I found that is a discussion forum for people in middle-age on dating and relationships that has informed a lot of my thinking. I can honestly say that I don't have the answers yet. I do know that the universe itself will place things in my path and that it's up to me as to whether I pick them up or pass them by. To quote a famous philosopher though "just keep swimming". There are lots of parables out there on how it is important to make use of what comes to you vs searching for something that you may never find that have always resonated with me.

Well - I suppose I should find my shovel so that I can use it to find my shed to find my snowblower to find my driveway. And then back inside for some hot cocoa and maybe a soak in the tub I think. Ah the hedonistic lifestyle of the rural bachelor

[DnJ]

Merry Christmas Andrew.

My goodness you got a lot of snow in a day.

D

[BL42]

AndrewP,

I've been having a bunch of dreams lately that involve my xW and us being together. Blech.

Uninvited dreams are the worst.

15 more payments to go. It's good for me that she's just another bill I have to pay.

The best metric I've seen on these boards. Looking forward to your post when that hits 0...and wish mine were 15 payments instead of 15 years!

My only worry is that after that last payment that she may try to hit me up to keep funding her and OM. And that's not a big worry as the agreement is very specific that it is not to be re-opened.

Doesn't seem like that should be much of a worry...just say "no"!

My plans around Christmas Day are pretty much firmed up now.

Hope you had a nice Christmas.

[LH19]

Merry Christmas from snowy Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan!

We've had a multi-day snow event here that is hopefully winding down today. The drifts in the driveway are probably chest deep having gone from essentially nothing on Friday morning. Checking in on the plant they didn't get very much there but I do know that one of our deliveries yesterday ended up in the ditch. Upright and the driver is ok thank heavens. He was stuck there for some hours - he had to wait first for a plow to clear the road so that the tow operator could tug him out. A difficult operation I'm sure with 40 metric tonnes of hazardous goods on board. Another issue is that this is the only quad axle trailer in the fleet that can carry this size of a load and it's supposed to be re-loaded again today.

I'm also covering for another role for a couple of weeks so will be doing office stuff daily for the next few days even though technically I am on holiday. The plant keeps running though so somebody has to look at the numbers

I was disappointed to find on social media that quite a number of people went out in the last couple of days despite the conditions and the fact that the roads were officially closed. The postings were of people who were in the ditch for multiple hours or even stuck right in the middle of the road. I do hope that everyone was ok but am annoyed that people felt that they were entitled to go out and then risk our emergency services in rescuing their sorry a$$

I only ventured outside twice yesterday. Once to take the trash and compost out and then to pop in to a neighbour who wanted to use some of the duck fat I have for a recipe. I'll probably head out shortly and get my driveway cleared - it may take a while. I'll also probably clear the end of the drive of my neighbour across the street who doesn't have a snowblower.

I'm not expecting the roads to be opened before early afternoon at this point although undoubtedly there are lots of people who will head out as soon as they see the plow go by. I believe my son is spending at least dinner today with his mother which might be problematic as the roads between them are closed.

Quiet day planned for today. Even though I'm working on embracing the concept of celebrating Christmas just by myself, the nagging "something's missing" feeling is there. I've exchanged Christmas greetings with friends far and near (modern technology does have some benefits). I'm going through the daily plant production now and then intend to spend the day puttering and spoiling myself and doing some prep for the big dinner to be made tomorrow.

Even though I did everything I could and more to try to keep my marriage together, I know both in my head and heart that it is for the best that it ended and that a new chapter began. This past year especially it's seemed like I'm just marking time and pedaling to stay in the same place.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and reading though about how I want to shape my future. There is one spot I found that is a discussion forum for people in middle-age on dating and relationships that has informed a lot of my thinking. I can honestly say that I don't have the answers yet. I do know that the universe itself will place things in my path and that it's up to me as to whether I pick them up or pass them by. To quote a famous philosopher though "just keep swimming". There are lots of parables out there on how it is important to make use of what comes to you vs searching for something that you may never find that have always resonated with me.

Well - I suppose I should find my shovel so that I can use it to find my shed to find my snowblower to find my driveway. And then back inside for some hot cocoa and maybe a soak in the tub I think. Ah the hedonistic lifestyle of the rural bachelor

I think you should ask yourself how are you different than 7 years ago? Are you in better shape, better job, better clothes, better hobbies, better relationships with your kids? If you’re honest with yourself and that is completely up to you the answer is you’re stuck in the sample place. I know you still have your real teeth and you think that’s enough but it just isn’t. You have read my threads and you know how difficult it is for a man to get a match. You need to lead an emotionally compelling story that a woman would want to be a part of in the sunset years of her life.

Don’t go through the motions for another year Andrew.

[AndrewP]

Merry Christmas Andrew.

My goodness you got a lot of snow in a day.

D

Merry Christmas to you and yours as well. It was indeed a substantial amount of snow. It took me a couple of hours to get the driveway clear as well as my neighbour's.

The good news is that the truck hauling our product was safely retrieved from the ditch on Christmas morning. Roads are opening up around me.

My plans around Christmas Day are pretty much firmed up now.

Hope you had a nice Christmas.

I did, thanks. My tourtiere turned out rather well I thought. Just about to start more baking for my son and I to enjoy.

Are you in better shape, better job, better clothes, better hobbies, better relationships with your kids?

Other than the last item which I'm doing rather well on, the rest are just superficial. If I was looking to attract someone who is only interested in the superficial, perhaps that would be the way to go. I have no interest in becoming someone I'm not. And for the record, while my health and fitness could be better, I have a good stable long-term job that pays well, dress well and always have and do my best to be active in various endeavors.

You have read my threads and you know how difficult it is for a man to get a match.

I have read them and found them at many times to be cringe-worthy and am unsurprised you have so much difficulty getting and keeping "a match". The whole misogynistic, "red pill", "manosphere" thing is abhorrent to me and isn't at all who I am, nor who I will ever be. If you are happy with your own choices and the results, then good for you. I am grateful that I am nothing like you nor the people you claim to admire. This is why generally speaking I keep anything you post blocked.

[DnJ]

Good Morning

We all come from different background and have different life experiences and philosophies and desires and beliefs. Discovering and living one’s own core values and convictions is excellent and admirable. Staying true to who you are, and yet altering that which you believe is beneficial - is our journey.

Remain respectful while presenting and responding to viewpoints. We should hear all suggestions and advice, yet not necessarily heed all advice. And what appears a certain way to someone can be (and likely is) totally different to an other.

D

[BL42]

Are you in better shape, better job, better clothes, better hobbies, better relationships with your kids?

Other than the last item which I'm doing rather well on, the rest are just superficial. If I was looking to attract someone who is only interested in the superficial, perhaps that would be the way to go. I have no interest in becoming someone I'm not. And for the record, while my health and fitness could be better, I have a good stable long-term job that pays well, dress well and always have and do my best to be active in various endeavors.

You have read my threads and you know how difficult it is for a man to get a match.

I have read them and found them at many times to be cringe-worthy and am unsurprised you have so much difficulty getting and keeping "a match". The whole misogynistic, "red pill", "manosphere" thing is abhorrent to me and isn't at all who I am, nor who I will ever be. If you are happy with your own choices and the results, then good for you. I am grateful that I am nothing like you nor the people you claim to admire. This is why generally speaking I keep anything you post blocked.

Seems a bit harsh, AndrewP. A major component of these boards is self-improvement. Becoming the best person you can be. Imo, LH asks a fair question...7 years post-BD are you where you want to be from personal and relationship perspective, or are you stuck in a similar place? Working on yourself and becoming more attractive doesn't mean sacrificing the person you are; we all have areas of improvement.

[LH19]

Andrew,

Looks like I hit a nerve so that leads me to believe I’m onto something. Now is the perfect time to think about what we want to change in 2023.

[bttrfly]

There are two ways to get noticed: dress well or dress like a slob. Either way, you'll stand out.

Too many men craft their identities around their jobs or home ownership. Most of us have landed here despite having a stable job and owning our homes. More is required. That's what LH is driving towards.

When a sincere question is asked, it's worth examining regardless of whether one respects or likes the person asking the question.

The enemy of growth is closed-mindedness.