Don’t know if in hindsight I should have asked her to tell me more.
Think about DB principles. You should be able to answer your own question by now.
Let me spell it out:
1. “Tell me more about what you’d need to move in” - her brain “this guy is weak AF and he’s just sitting around waiting for me to come back. I can have him at any time. I’m not at risk of losing anything. I’ll keep him in my back pocket while I check out what else is available.”
2. “I don’t want to live with someone who isn’t sure they want to be with me. I’m going out for pizza and beers with some friends.” - her brain “wow, he doesn’t seem to give a **** about me. Sounds like he’s getting on with his life. By the time I go through my MLC he might not be there waiting. He’s very in control of his emotions and strong. Doesn’t seem like he needs anyone. That’s attractive. What an alpha man.”
I’m not sure how much clearer I can spell it out.
99.9% of times, getting involved in discussions with a WS or WAS about your relationship is another nail in the coffin. It should be avoided at all costs.
Having a lot of struggles still differentiating ways for W and I to communicate and coordinate details about family and our children’s complex challenges. I have been improving it seems to me in not initiating contact with W and not engaging outside of necessity, however there is a lot of necessity with respect to S’s complex care needs, etc. So it ends up adding up to a lot of contact altogether.
I am being unavailable for other contact and not responding right away and not answering her calls except when it is of an urgent matter. Lots of work to do and I will explore more in therapy.
W is wanting to spend time together more and opening up to me. I’m listening and validating but I’m not sure how to proceed, so far I have been unavailable to hang out (GAL, have plans, out with friends, working out doing family stuff and of course I was just away).
Should I agree to a low key no expectations date” with W?
Last edited by Rockon; 12/06/2205:11 PM. Reason: More clarity
Should I agree to a low key no expectations date” with W?
I would not at this stage. You are at the stage of treating her like a squirrel. You do not want the squirrel to get scared off.
Keep focused on doing man things. You are enjoying your freedom. You are too busy to be dealing with a relationship with a woman right now. That is the mindset. Not her. Not someone new.
Not sure how much you cook, but check out Chef Jean-Pierre on youtube. I am going to try make the "Unbeatable Seafood cake" and "Steak au Poivre". He has a great video on cutting vegetables. I watch all 112 minutes last night.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I am working to have zero expectations of her at this point except with respect to my boundaries and how I am to be treated. I don’t know what capacity she wants to hang out as - she has asked me out to do some fun sounding things like bowling, hiking and ice skating - and also she wants to do some family things together - so far I have been busy or declined but I could consider accepting an invitation and see about enjoying some low key no pressure time together and have no further expectations.
R2C: that sounds good and ya maybe it’s too early.
Will check those videos out. I have been cooking a lot - making good salads and fish - grilled a lot but would like to expand my repertoire and skill set.
