WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - 1 Year Divorced (7)

[Ginger1]

I agree. 15 years with the presence of another woman married to my my ex and there was a never a time she could remember without her in her life. And I have always, and always will be “mom” .

And you will always be dad . Always. You kicking butt and taking names.

And heck, without you saying as much, I know your kids are your number one priority FOR REAL!

[Traveler]

CW can we tone down the self-righteousness when you're the one who made the decision to not keep your family together.

I read his post.. now I have to be an a$$hole

You don’t “have to” follow me and make judgy comments or act like an arse to use your own words—you do you. Your antics have silenced and driven away quite a few posters.

For any newbies without my backstory, before I was left behind in the relationship that brought me to this site, I took my kids and left an XW who physically abused my son. I remained a primary custody dad for over a decade. I’m not just unapologetic, I’m proud I endured the hardships to do what was right by them and proud of who they are becoming as they enter adulthood.

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Bye you two.

[LH19]

CW I thinks it’s great you are so forgiving that you baked a pumpkin pie for the woman who put your kid in the hospital but some prospective buddy. Betty Crocker herself would be proud. This is like Thanksgiving number 2 for BL.

I can only assume this is another false good bye but if it’s real good luck in life.

[job]

Please start a new thread.

[BL42]

bttrfly, DnJ, OnlyBent, Ginger1, LH19 & Mach1,

I'd be remiss if the day after Thanksgiving I didn't publicly state how thankful I am for this board and all of you. I read through your comments about my Holiday drop off trigger several times and it helped me quite a good bit.

I'm thankful for the encouragement on my progress...

i'm sorry that happened BL ... but gotta say I'm really proud of the way you handed it. Way to GAL xoxoxo

Hello BL - Yep, that’s rough. Well done not letting your feelings take over your day and ruin it.

Think of today as a test. God or the universe just tested you. And by my reckoning, you passed with flying colors!

You did the right thing. Headed off to the gym and got your head clear. It’s OK to distract, we don’t have to feel everything. Distraction is a beautiful thing!

BL totally normal. Holidays are tough. This is like Thanksgiving number 2 for BL

BL, the way you're killing it I'm pretty sure that in time to come you'll not be triggered as easily.

You are rockin this schidt buddy.... just be you, and just be Dad....they know....

I'm thankful for the comforting words related to my role as dad...

I will tell you this, and I hope it helps...

Whatever you think that it is, it really isn't...

All the fun, and smiles, and you feeling replaceable....

It isn't real...

Yet, I am Dad....and nothing takes priority over that....

So don't believe the lies that your mind tells you, it will eventually be different than what you think that it is....

I agree. 15 years with the presence of another woman married to my my ex and there was a never a time she could remember without her in her life. And I have always, and always will be “mom” .

And you will always be dad . Always. You kicking butt and taking names.

I'm thankful for your questions...

Well done not letting your feelings take over your day and ruin it. How long until they fleeted? Just curious, if you don’t mind.

It hit me a bit hard on the drive back and definitely on my mind during the workout (which of course helped), and I think it lingered throughout the day and perhaps later on I was a bit down being the holiday. When my kids returned that evening I felt the love and was back in full fledge loving dad mode.

I'm thankful for the suggestions...

I wonder if you can’t have her come pick up the kids on holidays?

I really like LH's suggestion - or a neutral meet up for the next holiday hand off ...

I wouldn’t drop her off at his big get together where his wife and family was. I would actually have him come get her. Small things like that really helped.

Will have to think on this one. Don't want to disrupt the arrangement and think I just need to get mentally stronger and deal with it, but if the trigger persists over time perhaps a consideration for the future.

I'm thankful for your empathy...

But yes, I have to admit, and I can still feel it, I was in an insurmountable amount of pain anytime I had to give my child up to them especially on holidays. Worse than any physical pain that I’ve known, quite honestly. But just like anything else, it gets easier with time.

I know it’s more of sending your kids off and feeling like an outsider in your family. It’s really difficult at times and hard to explain, especially when you didn’t have a say in the matter. This was chosen for us. And it stinks and I’m sorry.

I remember that hurt, feeling like I was an outcast in my children's lives because I felt that someone new was taking my place.

In time, it will fade. I always felt that their time with their Mother was party time, and I was the one that had to be the "asshat" because there was structure, and discipline with me. I was wasn't all Disney and fairytails..

And also your OLD advice! ;-)

And heck, without you saying as much, I know your kids are your number one priority FOR REAL!

Don't worry Ginger...I'll refrain from using that in my dating profile if I should ever give the apps another go!!! LOL

[BL42]

With the kids back, we continued a post-BD. day-after-Thanksgiving tradition and for the third year my mom came over in the morning and made "Christmas tree pancakes" for the kids dyed green for the tree and yellow for the star with M&Ms for the ornaments and whipped cream for the garland. Then my parents, the kids, and I all drove together to pick out a Christmas tree (the best one ever!, which we say each year) and decorated it and the house for the upcoming Holiday. S7 had already been asking earlier this week when are we going to do it. We also went to a local spot to grab pizza and watch the US World Cup game with our neighbors and S7 sat with his buddies the whole game - nice to observe him developing friendships in real time. Oh yeah...and the night before Thanksgiving we hit up the biggest local Holiday Light Festival, which the kids always love.

So...making the most of our Holiday time together!

[BL42]

Previous Threads:
WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Don't Want Divorce (1)
WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Don't Want Divorce (2)
WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Don't Want Divorce (3)
WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Divorced Anyway (4)
WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Divorced Anyway (5)
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