Maybe, maybe not

[Ginger1]

Says who? That idiot coach? I used his terminology wrong ?

Ok, I’m not triple Hing. Nor do I care.

[DonH]

Oh boy. FTK. You’re a glutton for pain. He’s never going to buy the milk when he can get it for free.

Sadly, or not, I was thinking the same. But being a dude it’s painfully obvious what’s going on - he’s getting laid. Duh. That doesn’t mean he does not like you. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy hanging out with you. It does mean if sex were off the table he’d be gone. This is as clear as morning air.

I don’t want him to buy the milk, LH .

Okay now you’re not even being honest with yourself let alone us - but mostly with yourself. You know dang well you want a real R. You’ve wanted this FOREVER. Sadly you’re willing to except what he will give in blind hope he will change his mind or in exchange for being alone and lonely. This story is as old as time. Read “Ten stupid things women do to mess up their lives”.

How are you not going against everything you SAY you want and will do. These have been your words, not ours. You have said you dint want FWB - which is exactly what this is. I’m not saying it’s wrong or bad. I’d love it. It’s exactly what I WANT. It’s never been what you want and it still is not.

[LH19]

Don of course nailed it and has been following you longer than I have.

Don could handle FWB and I could handle it. You cannot. You’ll say you can but like most stuff lately with you is a lie.

I’ve been hockey guy before. Telling you he’s not ready for a relationship frees him of any guilt when he doesn’t want to do this anymore and or starts sleeping with other women. “I told you I wasn’t ready for a relationship”.

Unless he’s a straight out player every man is ready for a relationship if he feels he’s with the right one.

You sent him the proverbial “contact me when you’re ready to date for real”. Words and actions aren’t congruent and believe he knows it.

This is really getting sad to see but I’m not sure what else we can do other than watch this train wreck unfold and hope the casualties are low.

You’re better than this but until you believe it nothing changes.

[Ginger1]

Ahhh.

I’m doing what I want right now and I’m not doing it because I have expectations of anything else. Im a grown a$$ woman who will have sex if she wants and it’s not for the intention of trying to make someone commit to me.

I have chosen this situation. It works for me right now. When it doesn’t work for me, I leave it.

I have no expectations of anymore than we have nor do I want it right now.

Im a big girl. I can handle it. I can handle it because I chose it, and I wouldn’t have chosen it if I couldn’t handle it .

Sad and train wreck huh?

Why is it a train wreck? Why is it sad? Im not going to be devastated and I don’t expect any particular outcome.

The funny thing is I’ve never been devastated or a train deck before. Just when my ex left me. I don’t know where you get this from.

It goes to show how much you don’t know me , but think you do .

[LH19]

You had like 4 dates with the guy and you were pretty distraught when he ended it. How do you think you’re going to feel after say 6 months?

[Ginger1]

Distraught?! I wasn’t distraught at all. Where are you getting this from? I was sad it ended because I was having a good time. I mean I’m human,‘I’m not dead, I have feelings. But distraught very much wasn’t one of them.

“Train wreck” “distraught” I was a “ failure”

You certainly have a flair for the dramatic

[LH19]

You were sad/distraught after 4 dates. Picture 6 months. How do you think you’ll feel then?

Yep you have feelings that’s why it’s difficult for me to fathom why you are putting yourself through this again but yeah it’s your life.

[Ginger1]

Jesus. I was sad. Then that night I went to a concert and had a blast. I’m human. Distraught certainly wasn’t the word.

I’m sad when I finish my ice cream and there is no more left.

I’m sad when my Netflix series ends.

And I move on with life

[kml]

G -

So long as you think you can handle this casual relationship, go ahead. Honestly I don’t know how you’ve survived such long stretches without sex at your age do go ahead and get some if that’s what you want. But also be careful of becoming what my friend calls “needless and wantless”. It’s okay to want things in a relationship and to express that.

[LH19]

I can't sleep in on the weekends so these are some quotes just from August and September:

I do promise one rule I will never break again is dating separated men. Not good.
But I have zero attraction with no depth for an extended period of time. That makes me want to bail.

So I am guessing because there is no relationship you can't be having these in depth convos so why don't you want to bail?

I also began to think that dating right now in this climate at this age is what it is. A bunch of people wanting no reald commitment and just sex. I almost told myself that this is the new norm, get used to it. Rarely did have I chatted with a guy who wants to date for real. All just busy professionals and parents whos "kids are their number one priority" ( I say that, because no sh!t). who just want to size a woman up as a sexual partner when it works for them. This is literally all I get. In some weird way, I must exude that? But i must have one of the most conservative online profiles out there for women.

I don't think you exude it you just accept it.

I worked with a coworker today who had just come back to work with us on the weekends. She said to me "Don't ever settle" and I did. I found myself mentally trying to settle. But why would I need to? I have provided for my own needs. I don't have any reason to settle.

Then why are you?

And I really don't feel so hopeful going forward about finding that one respectful great person to go forward with at this stage. But I also know I won't settle.

Uummm kinda sounds like you are settling.

But I could fess, there was something about this last guy. I miss him. It was so short and so sweet. But there was a serious something there and I think about him so much.

4 dates and you want us to believe you will not be affected?

My experience. And he was honest with me and told me how much he cared for me but he needs to be alone.

What's changed in 3 months?

I told him of when he was ready to date for real, hit me up, and maybe I’ll be available and we can talk.

Is he ready to date for real? If not, " you are still not ready to date for real. Hit me up when you are and maybe I will still be available". That makes you someone of value and worth having.

And I violated a rule I had sent once. I dated a guy who wasn’t legally divorced. It was painful, but it was once.

Sooo my guess is it doesn't count because it's the same dude?

You’re angry at DnJ because he pointed out that legally the hockey guy was still married and that you broke your own rule and that you may want to check that. You are the one who said he attacked you and your morals. That’s been pointed out to you before and you ignored it in favor of attacking him, not disagreeing. You’re angry because in violating your own rule you got hurt, and I think it’s you who are judging yourself but you won’t own that. D is just a convenient target.

BF is a wise woman.

You have to believe you are better than this or nothing changes.