I am going to start with a Church group when I get back. I have a list of things I will start doing from gym, guitar, and socialize more.
Church group, gym, guitar, more socializing...all good stuff.
Originally Posted by Mach40
I live in S Carolina, and travel quite bit each year.
Maybe it's my ignorance of Alaska, but my guess is you'll do better on dating apps in SC.
Originally Posted by Mach40
With her becoming a big part of my life, my oldest daughter ( her Mom), became so close. We were for the majority of my marriage at wits end. Nobody ever thought she would have forgave me for our relationship being terrible.
What was the driver of your relationship being so bad with your step-daughter? Was it the typical "you're not my 'real' dad" you hear about in these situations, or was there a deeper thing going on with your actions? I don't know, but it strikes me as something you should dive deeper into and examine...maybe it'll reveal an area in you which needs improvement.
Originally Posted by Mach40
I am more positive, happier, better listener. Many positive comments for almost 6 years.
Good stuff. People want to be around others who are happy and fun.
Originally Posted by Mach40
Sure, I was naive enough to think we were going to get back together. I am fully awake now, and will go forward in more than just my family.
That's OK. The reason we're all here is we wanted to save our marriages and keep our family together. Nothing wrong with being a little hopeful. But also important to see reality as it is and move forward with your life at this point.
When do you head back to SC?
I am back in SC as of yesterday. First order of family was pick Grand Daughter at kindergarten. She had no idea I was going to be there. Biggest hug ever, it was great.. She was in her Sonic Halloween costume as they had a trunk or treat yesterday. My oldest was the typical, you aren't my Dad situation. She was taken from SC to HI, right before HS. So, she had to start HS in HI, not knowing anyone, hating step dad. She rebelled at everything. Going out, dinner, refusing to do well in school. Anything we did, she was the tipping point. And, I didn't do well with it. Tried to control her. I tried from the beginning to win her over, but that proved worse. Nothing I did was good enough. After graduating HS, we sent her back to SC to live with Grandparents, to start college etc. She was very angry and even had a rough time with grandparents. The friction was very hard on the marriage. Neither of us knew what to do, and it took a toll on us as a couple. I was the angry, controlling type with her as nothing seemed to work. She just didnt want to be a part of the family.. Sneaking out, partying, poor grades... Teens. Now, She and I have bonded, almost all of it was the birth of her child. It was a miracle. Everything from that day forward, she and I have embraced.. Surreal. Now that I am back, I am taking care of me. House projects, Halloween party Monday night. Church on Sunday, Hopefully that will open up things to do.. They have a auto shop thing they do for Church members that cant afford work to be done. That is right up my ally.
Nothing to really add. I have been sick with a fever and sore throat, coughing heavy since Saturday.. Uggh. Any guidance, on forgetting/forgiving , or even a book..
My ex. What she did holding onto our marriage for so many years, and not just divorcing me is bugging me. Waste of so many years. For a person with the best PR skills MBA, she could have just chopped this in the butt years ago.. We, the forum members,, have discussed moving on, detaching, but I need to forgive her for Not trying to fix this marriage.. She is the one that could have initiated and coordinated it, and she knows it.. Maybe I am just venting.. Who knows..
Waste of so many years. For a person with the best PR skills MBA, she could have just chopped this in the butt years ago.. We, the forum members,, have discussed moving on, detaching, but I need to forgive her for Not trying to fix this marriage.. She is the one that could have initiated and coordinated it, and she knows it.. Maybe I am just venting.. Who knows..
The only person you have any control over is yourself. You may be searching for a forgiveness that you'll never be able to find. I know that I've never forgiven my xW for what she did.
What I have done and what might work for you is acceptance. Poopy things happen. You can't change that even when it ends up splashing on you. You can though wash it off and walk away. This stink isn't your's to own.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
By your account your marriage was done along time ago. You could of took the lead on fixing it. I think the real problem if you are honest with yourself is that your marriage was you entire life. You have nothing else going on in your life. You had been separated for 3 years and you made zero progress in friends, fitness, hobbies etc. Now she found someone else and your angry which I get but you have to carry some of the burden here.
By your account she checked out many years ago.. She holds a serious grudge, thats for sure. The only positive, and this is big, is the girls and grands are very much a part of my life. She may have been doing her career to get out on her own, and now finally started dating, but she ensured the girls had a Dad and the grand baby had a grand pa.. All is not lost.. But, She was my life, and such. Yep, no real friends, no fitness, no real hobbies other than my car.. Not much of a hobby..
Her monthly settlement isnt that much.. It will help. The grudge she is holding. In her own words " I wish we could go back in time, before all the damage (to us, the girls, family, etc). I sure wish that was possible. " This was a few days ago, after running to ground business with Lawyers and such.. Damage to the oldest was the control, constant digging on her to shape up. Wife just tried to keep life calm. The youngest there wasnt much.. Really When I came back oldest and I still werent getting along, untill she became pregnant, then stuff just clicked. I think they all saw the Dad I could be with the Grand Baby. Again, too late. And wife, the drama with the oldest led to a sexless marriage ( many control factors by wife), she thought I had low T. I eventually looked elsewhere. I never did anything, never touched or talked to another women. Thats the truth. Doesnt make it right at. Now, all this towards wife was after knowing what her previous husband had done to her. Drugs, sleeping around, neighbor pregnant, left the girls twice. Communications was severely lacking.. I had no one to reach out to, as I didnt know wth was going on.. I thought once the oldest came back, life would get better. It did, but it was too late. The Ashley Madison thing was found a long time after they moved back, when she was doing the bills. I was on it a month, but never did anything on it.. When I returned to SC, we went to counseling, and she was not receptive to it at all. Our sex life became significantly better till about 2017/18 when she left mentally.. So, thats it in a nutshell. She also said this in the email.. "Hey you have a lot of amazing qualities. "Comments on how I look, very positive, but I removed them as its personal" Personally, you have grown so much. The way you love "grand daughter" is so very endearing. You are dedicated and determined. You are a planner. You have the ability to recognize when you need to evoke change and take the necessary steps for success. You are an amazing person. Don’t ever forget that." "What I wrote was an accurate representation of how I feel. This whole thing has been so difficult. I have buried my heart so deep, protecting myself for so long that I have walked through the past decade numb. It's been a rough road. I'm very tired. I really am tired. And I apologize for hurting you. But just know this sword has two blades that impaled us both. I recognize your hurt and I apologize for my part in that. I truly do."
