Boundary after big D part four

[Mach40]

Hey, here previous thread.
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2938434&page=1

[Mach40]

I went to Chena Hot Springs today. Absolutely beautiful drive through area of Alaska that follows the Chena river. ( Funny, that name is of a person who was my first love out of HS).
Anyways, got to the springs, 14 degrees. Brave people were in the springs. Not this guy. Nope.
Wish I could post pictures.
One thing I have been doing to get through a trigger moment is breathe, hold and release several times.
Todays trigger started when someone spoke of his wife and him going to a Adult Halloween party.
Then I remembered party my wife went to dressed up in Steam Punk.. Burnt me, hard trigger..
And knowing Halloween is a few days away didnt help.
Anyway, I am going to do trick or treating with grand baby, then try to go out and just have some social fun..
Co Worker said next get together he has with all his friends and family ( Big Brazilian family), he will invite me over.
Rough day.
I need to start journaling via laptop. Any suggesting on a outline to follow?

[BL42]

Mach40,

Google "Jocko Willink Breakup" and watch a bunch of those videos, especially "Breakups and Betrayal" and "The Warrior Mentality".

[Mach40]

Mach40,

Google "Jocko Willink Breakup" and watch a bunch of those videos, especially "Breakups and Betrayal" and "The Warrior Mentality".

I have Jocko on my Instagram.. I will look this up. Thnx.
I know I have two issues, personality wise. I dont let things go, whether its property or in this case my ex ( fantasy of her person, not the reality, as that is a work in progress).
I have ADD, not diagnoses. I have no direction on day to day things I need to focus on.
I can come here, and within minutes, reading someones quote, and I take an exit. So much knowledge on this site its sometimes overwhelming to take it in..

[LH19]

Mach,

I went back and looked at your thread from 3 years ago and you’re still stuck in the same spot. Get your ADHD diagnosed and treatments. You are never going to stop feeling the pain unless you move forward.

[Mach40]

LH, I have never been diagnosed. I just am constantly doing to many things in my head from work to life. But when dealing with moving forward, i get sidetracked easily..
I will get through this, with everyone's guidance here and working on daily and long term goals.

[Mach1]

I still feel like you are simply waiting for direction from someone else.

I.E. "There is no reason to GAL until I meet a new gal, and then I can blend in to whatever interests that she has."


Have you always been in Alaska ?

[Mach40]

I am in Alaska for work. I travel quite a bit for work.
I am going to start with a Church group when I get back.
I have a list of things I will start doing from gym, guitar, and socialize more.
Traveling is great, but it busts routines up, which is good and bad. Good it jeeps your mind busy, bad you arent home getting a routine.
Ideas, guidance and experience as to what others have done is why I am here. Its a gold mine of help.

[Mach40]

I still feel like you are simply waiting for direction from someone else.

I.E. "There is no reason to GAL until I meet a new gal, and then I can blend in to whatever interests that she has."


Have you always been in Alaska ?

I live in S Carolina, and travel quite bit each year.
I respect your opinion.
I know it may not seem like much, but in the past few years I have grown in few ways.
I cant really explain it. But after my grad daughter was born almost 6 years ago, it was an awakening.
With her becoming a big part of my life, my oldest daughter ( her Mom), became so close. We were for the majority of my marriage at wits end. Nobody ever thought she would have forgave me for our relationship being terrible.
But she has, as she has stated. Of course, she was a child for most of it, teenager , but was in mid 20s when baby was born. That baby brought us together, and as ex and youngest have stated, they have seen me change so much.
I am more positive, happier, better listener. Many positive comments for almost 6 years.
I think it shows I am moving in a positive way to better myself.
May not be specific. Like losing weight, hobbies, sports etc.
My grand daughter and daughters have become a huge focus on my life.
Sure, I was naive enough to think we were going to get back together. I am fully awake now, and will go forward in more than just my family.
Its a start seeing the issue at hand and admitting it.
I still need positive and straight shooters to steer me . And I appreciate that..

[BL42]

Mach40,

I am going to start with a Church group when I get back.
I have a list of things I will start doing from gym, guitar, and socialize more.

Church group, gym, guitar, more socializing...all good stuff.

I live in S Carolina, and travel quite bit each year.

Maybe it's my ignorance of Alaska, but my guess is you'll do better on dating apps in SC.

With her becoming a big part of my life, my oldest daughter ( her Mom), became so close. We were for the majority of my marriage at wits end. Nobody ever thought she would have forgave me for our relationship being terrible.

What was the driver of your relationship being so bad with your step-daughter? Was it the typical "you're not my 'real' dad" you hear about in these situations, or was there a deeper thing going on with your actions? I don't know, but it strikes me as something you should dive deeper into and examine...maybe it'll reveal an area in you which needs improvement.

I am more positive, happier, better listener. Many positive comments for almost 6 years.

Good stuff. People want to be around others who are happy and fun.

Sure, I was naive enough to think we were going to get back together. I am fully awake now, and will go forward in more than just my family.

That's OK. The reason we're all here is we wanted to save our marriages and keep our family together. Nothing wrong with being a little hopeful. But also important to see reality as it is and move forward with your life at this point.

When do you head back to SC?