Action

[Ready2Change]

So a true Alpha move would be to tell your W to have fun and you will have her bags packed and will be hearing from your lawyer when she gets back.

This is one of the best things you can do. Most newbies do not understand why this is so important.

[Ready2Change]

...impulse to contact him and another OM ...

They are not the problem.

Your W has lost respect and in turn, her attraction to you. With that said, you should command respect from her and others. A woman can not love a man she does not respect.

Take your focus off of her and what she is doing and focus on you. Change your habits and behaviors to improve your attractiveness.

[Kind18]

It’s super, super tough. And it’s a complete emotional roller coaster. One day you’re fine and strong and positive, the next you’re broken when nothing has changed from the day before.

That’s how it’s going to be for a little while.

Well done on coming to the forum to get support when it’s hard. Never reach out to her - always come here first.

Like LH said, hard physical exercise is a great way to reset when the emotions suddenly overwhelm.

It will get better. We’ve all been there.

I think you’re progressing better than most who come here, especially given how new your situation is… don’t throw that all away.

Always listen to your brain, never to your emotions.

[Rockon]

R2C, Kind: thanks doing a lot better this afternoon. Got some good exercise, went to mens health program, some good nutrition plenty of H20, then been having some relaxation which has been really good.

[Rockon]

W went over to Pastors house to meet with him and his wife tonight on her own - she didn’t tell
me - Pastor did. I’m thankful she followed through and went for her that are seasoned wise compassionate, and full of integrity. I’m going to play hockey.

[Rockon]

*they* are seasoned…

[DnJ]

Hello Rock

W’s visit to Pastor and his wife is interesting. However, keep your expectations dialled to zero. Unmet expectations lead to resentment.

Expectation and hope are both forms of desires. The difference being hope is timeless, while expectation has an associated timeline. Placing a deadline upon hope will do just that; gives it a time to die.

Hope can be a formidable source of strength. And it is possible to become stuck. Hope, yet keep moving forward.

I’d recommend you keep the fact that Pastor informed you of W’s visit to yourself. If she is reaching out, she needs to feel safe.

How was the hockey game?

D

[Rockon]

Hockey game was fantastic scored a goal in the best goalie in the league youngest D was there to watch. I’m flying!

[Rockon]

Ok thinking of telling W this before her trip:


"You going overseas on a trip with the guy you are having an affair with makes it clear you are wanting to invest time, money and energy in that relationship. I am heart broken that our marriage has got to the point where you are more interested in someone else than me. I am committed to our marriage and working with you to get back what we have lost and creating something far more incredible than either of us ever imagined.

I love you deeply and want the best for you.

I need to also treat myself with respect and honour my own boundaries. I cannot work on our marriage alone, and if your priority is to explore other relationships outside our marriage before investing in our relationship, then I won't wait around as your back up. I deserve more than that for my future.

I may not be perfect, but I love you. You can choose him, or you can choose me. You are free. However, you can't choose both.

One of the things I require for someone to be in an intimate relationship with me is monogamy. If you want an intimate relationship with me, then I require that from you. If you don't want that with me anymore, it will hurt me to the core of my being. I love you. I'll grieve deeply.

And, I will let you go, and move on. There are other women who would choose to be monogamous with me. I'll be okay. I'm a great guy with friends and family who love me, I'm growing and learning all the time, and I've got an exciting life ahead of me.

This is the moment when you choose if you want to be part of it."

Thoughts?

[BL42]

Rockon,

Way too wordy. Sounds like an plea in which you're trying to use emotion and logic her back. I know it's tough, trust me, but you need to drop the pressure and pursuit.

What about "I know what this trip is about, and refuse to share my wife with another man. I'm changing the locks while you're gone. Here's my L's info."