S23 does not have respect for what W is doing and has disengaged after he told her. Same with D20. She has spoken up courageously and then disengaged. Same with D25.
Yeah this will eventually subside mainly when they see you are ok.
The discernment MC thing has come up on the board before. My advice is always that if you can temper your expectations and realize she is going to use it to get you on board to the idea of supporting the divorce, then go.
The problem with most LBSs is that they think MC of any type is going to be approached in good faith by the WAS. The WAS almost always had a different agenda IF they agree to go.
Rock, can you have expectations that she will see this as a possible way to get you to go along with the D?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
The discernment MC thing has come up on the board before. My advice is always that if you can temper your expectations and realize she is going to use it to get you on board to the idea of supporting the divorce, then go.
The problem with most LBSs is that they think MC of any type is going to be approached in good faith by the WAS. The WAS almost always had a different agenda IF they agree to go.
Rock, can you have expectations that she will see this as a possible way to get you to go along with the D?
Very interesting Steve and it’s totally possible. But my instinct is that she is wanting it to be able to explore options and hope with help. She told me she was afraid in fact that doing MC would rush us to a final outcome and she is not ready to give up.
But I am open to exploring alternative approaches if there are better ways to go about exploring hope in reconciliation that are not discernment counselling.
But my instinct is that she is wanting it to be able to explore options and hope with help.
So do you think her going on vacation with another dude is an option she hopes will help your marriage? If so, WTF????
Originally Posted by Rockon
She told me she was afraid in fact that doing MC would rush us to a final outcome and she is not ready to give up.
So the good news is if she is true to her word and is not ready to give up than MC will help. My MC said she had a 99% success rate when both spouses were trying everything to prevent getting divorced.
Originally Posted by Rockon
But I am open to exploring alternative approaches if there are better ways to go about exploring hope in reconciliation that are not discernment counselling.
I will say it again, the best approach to reconciliation is to go in the opposite direction. Your view on this needs to be "go do your thing, W, do what you need to do in order to find happiness. I'm going to live an amazing life. If you want to be part of it in the future, we'll have to talk about that, but for now I wish you well"
You shouldn't say that to her directly, but everything about the way you react to her and respond to her should say that for you.
The best approach to reconciliation is to go in the opposite direction. Your view on this needs to be "go do your thing, W, do what you need to do in order to find happiness. I'm going to live an amazing life. If you want to be part of it in the future, we'll have to talk about that, but for now I wish you well"
You shouldn't say that to her directly, but everything about the way you react to her and respond to her should say that for you.
Agree. It is about your mindset and your behavior.
Find your happiness (or contentment) without "needing" her to be your partner.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
But my instinct is that she is wanting it to be able to explore options and hope with help.
So do you think her going on vacation with another dude is an option she hopes will help your marriage?
NO absolutely not I don’t know what she is thinking there and I think she’s a mess and confused but she is responsible for her choices and actions and there are consequences.
If so, WTF????
EXACTLY!!!
Originally Posted by Rockon
She told me she was afraid in fact that doing MC would rush us to a final outcome and she is not ready to give up.
So the good news is if she is true to her word and is not ready to give up than MC will help. My MC said she had a 99% success rate when both spouses were trying everything to prevent getting divorced.
Originally Posted by Rockon
But I am open to exploring alternative approaches if there are better ways to go about exploring hope in reconciliation that are not discernment counselling.
I will say it again, the best approach to reconciliation is to go in the opposite direction. Your view on this needs to be "go do your thing, W, do what you need to do in order to find happiness. I'm going to live an amazing life. If you want to be part of it in the future, we'll have to talk about that, but for now I wish you well"
!!
You shouldn't say that to her directly, but everything about the way you react to her and respond to her should say that for you.
