Over those 6 years, we saw each other probably every 4-6 weeks. The longest was maybe 8 weeks. Most of the time I drove down and stayed a week with her since my work is remote.
After our breakup in May, she did most of the reaching out (mostly text). A lot of 'I miss you' exchanged by both of us. I tried not to reach out as much because I thought it was best to help her move on (whoops). July 2nd was the last communication (phone call) until I reached out later in July telling her I missed talking to her. She took a day, but ended up calling me. So technically, it was only around 3 weeks before I reached out saying I missed her.
As far as dating someone, after I called her last week and ran through my change of heart, she told me that she had been dating someone for the past month. Said it wasn't anything serious, but after a month or so of barely getting out of bed, she decided she needed to pick herself back up. In a following call last week, she mentioned again that it wasn't anything serious, but that I had 'ruined it'. I didn't ask for an explanation, but I'm guessing that means she either told him that I had reached out or that by coming back into her life, I had thrown her into conflict.
Years and years ago, I had a vasectomy with Ex W. Earlier this year, I had a reversal consultation scheduled, but didn't go through with it (this was right around the time of breakup), which hurt ex fiancee. Before I called her last week, I did go through with a consultation. During the call, she brought up how I had canceled my previous appt and I told her that I had ended up going more recently. So I have shown some action that I'm serious. Also told her that my plan would be to list my house and move to her at the end of the year.
Over those 6 years, we saw each other probably every 4-6 weeks. The longest was maybe 8 weeks. Most of the time I drove down and stayed a week with her since my work is remote.
Originally Posted by Tarheel
Also told her that my plan would be to list my house and move to her at the end of the year.
I'm assuming a major reason you didn't move to her town was being close to your school-aged children, but now that they're adults you have more flexibility. Why is it that she never moved for you?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Sorry about the conflicting advice I know it makes things confusing for you. You definitely don’t want to propose or move there right now. You stated your case that you made a mistake so she knows where you stand. If she is deeply in love with you as you claim she will reach out again. She’s with another guy right now so you need to man up and respect it. If everything you say is true I am sure if you are patient you will here from her again.
Over those 6 years, we saw each other probably every 4-6 weeks. The longest was maybe 8 weeks. Most of the time I drove down and stayed a week with her since my work is remote.
Originally Posted by Tarheel
Also told her that my plan would be to list my house and move to her at the end of the year.
I'm assuming a major reason you didn't move to her town was being close to your school-aged children, but now that they're adults you have more flexibility. Why is it that she never moved for you?
Exactly why I didn't move there, which she referenced the other day as everything being on my timeline. We had discussed her moving to me, but she has an older father that she helps take care of and couldn't move away from him.
I ended up breaking things off as I just couldn't imagine 'starting over' with babies. She took it harder than me- I think because I had been processing the breakup for a while. We continued to talk through the end of June, then communication stopped....I want to be with her and I want to start a family with her.....I'm just looking for advice on how to 'win' her back....Thoughts??
My first serious talk with my lady was regarding kids together. She wanted, I did not. It was not my choice to stay together, it was hers. To 'win' her back, every time she brings it up, you apologize and admit you were wrong for ending it and hurting her.
All is fair in love and war. Neither of you are married. No one is cheating on each other. Ask her out to dinner. Do all the preplanning, just like a first date. "Are you free on Oct 15th around 7PM? I would love to have dinner with you at SoandSo restaurant."
Obviously there is past attraction. Right now you may want to put more focus on your seduction techniques (indirect attraction).
Keep dating other woman (at least 2 others) during this process.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Also - re: vasectomy reversal. If she is really serious about wanting another child, these statistics may be important for you both to know: "It's estimated that the success rate of a vasectomy reversal is: 75% if you have your vasectomy reversed within 3 years. up to 55% after 3 to 8 years. between 40% and 45% after 9 to 14 years."
Ha, looks like the advice here is as conflicted as my mind is!
This time of year is always stressful for her. She runs all the Homecoming activities at her school and it all wraps up this upcoming Saturday morning with the parade. Assuming I don't hear from her this week, I think my plan is to text her Fri night wishing her good luck with the parade and asking her to send me some pics. Her response should go a long way in revealing how much contact she still wants. Obviously hoping the more communication leads to a discussion about my attitude shift. Also hoping to work up to an in person mtg (maybe for her bday later this month?). In a last ditch effort, I had planned on driving down last Fri, then texting to ask if she'd meet me for a convo. When I told her that (after I decided against it), she said she would not have met me, but it felt more like an 'I can't see you in person because it will rock my world' as opposed to an 'I don't want to see you' remark.
The challenge is not getting her to fall back in love, as she told me she still and will always love me. It's proving to her that my change of heart is true and her getting over the fact that I didn't feel this way previously.
Also - re: vasectomy reversal. If she is really serious about wanting another child, these statistics may be important for you both to know: "It's estimated that the success rate of a vasectomy reversal is: 75% if you have your vasectomy reversed within 3 years. up to 55% after 3 to 8 years. between 40% and 45% after 9 to 14 years."
Yea, we're both aware of the stats. It's been 13 yrs for me, but my Dr thought around 85%. Was more concerned about her age. Regardless, we'd need to have in depth conversations on what happens if we can't do it naturally.
And no, I have no plans on dating anyone else right now.
