I bet it's stressful. Your GF should have thought twice about getting involved in this baby momma drama nightmare. My guess is your EXW isn't going quietly into the dark night. You guys will need to work as a team to get through it. Not against each other. Any way you look at it I see your life being very difficult for the next decade. Hope you have patience and understanding.
Ugh, Mach you are right. I argue to be right. I don't know how to humble myself. I don't know how to listen effectively to reduce the arguments. I want to do better, for my relationship and especially for my children. I have a lot to unprogram in myself.
I just want to say thank you to all of you for talking to me. I see how difficult I am when you all point out these things to me. WHats my first step here??? How do I start mending things. I want to DB before it fails.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
I bet it's stressful. Your GF should have thought twice about getting involved in this baby momma drama nightmare. My guess is your EXW isn't going quietly into the dark night.
Unfortunately, no!! Simple things with my ex turn into big things. Example, The other day my gf was at work. I had my son for the week and it was the day I was bringing him back to his mom. There was a discrepancy in the time I had to bring him back. (A lot of things in my divorce is vague and not clear and my ex and I have to figure things out togther) I thought it was 8pm he said no, I think its 3. I said ok let me email your mom. I emailed her and asked what time was drop off? She replied 3pm. Since my gf was at work and she had the baby car seat I could not leave to bring my son, no seat for the baby. So I emailed my ex, apologizing for the inconvenience that I could not get my son there at that time. That I could be there by 5:30 if that was ok with her. She emailed me this long email how i have to get him there and he better be there blah blah blah. Again, I apologized that I could not get there at 3 the earliest I could get there was 5:30. If that time didn't work I could bring him anytime after that. Again a long email how I BETTER get him there by 3. My gf told me to call the police station to see if she compolains. At 3 pm I called the police station (Drop offs are there) and sure enough she was at the counter filing a compliant that I wasnt there at 3. Even the cop said did you notify her. i said yeah, all through email. He was understanding and said things come up. While she was right in front of her, he told her I would be there at 5:30. This is just one of many examples of what I deal with, with her, that I don't share on here. Then gf was like, now whats going to happen? Are you going to have to go back to court? Are you in trouble? I explained no, its more for a record. But you see how this can stress my gf. I would think any other person would be understanding, but my ex isn't and just likes to cause problems.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
And you are gonna come back and tell me that I am wrong....
Then I am gonna come back and point out how my perception of you isn't wrong...
Then you will come back and say "fair point", then argue that I am once again wrong, even though you admitted that there could be truth in it....
(Hey, kinda like your relationship huh ? )
So can we skip that, and go to the part where you start to see how your actions and behaviors have lead you to this point, and things can start getting better ???
Cause I told you that this would happen.... ^^^^
And it reads as if it is just another trick in your bag to manipulate the situation...
Words are only words until the actions match....
So, if you are serious...
Why do you feel the need to be "right" ???
What would that look like to your partner when you feel compelled to be "right" ???
What behavioral patterns does that also facilitate ??
Superiority ??
Judgment ??
Argumentative ??
Condescending ??
Who wouldn't want a relationship with that ???
You tell me....
Are you a person that YOU would want to be in a relationship with ??
I bet it's stressful. Your GF should have thought twice about getting involved in this baby momma drama nightmare. My guess is your EXW isn't going quietly into the dark night.
Unfortunately, no!! Simple things with my ex turn into big things. Example, The other day my gf was at work. I had my son for the week and it was the day I was bringing him back to his mom. There was a discrepancy in the time I had to bring him back. (A lot of things in my divorce is vague and not clear and my ex and I have to figure things out togther) I thought it was 8pm he said no, I think its 3. I said ok let me email your mom. I emailed her and asked what time was drop off? She replied 3pm. Since my gf was at work and she had the baby car seat I could not leave to bring my son, no seat for the baby. So I emailed my ex, apologizing for the inconvenience that I could not get my son there at that time. That I could be there by 5:30 if that was ok with her. She emailed me this long email how i have to get him there and he better be there blah blah blah. Again, I apologized that I could not get there at 3 the earliest I could get there was 5:30. If that time didn't work I could bring him anytime after that. Again a long email how I BETTER get him there by 3. My gf told me to call the police station to see if she compolains. At 3 pm I called the police station (Drop offs are there) and sure enough she was at the counter filing a compliant that I wasnt there at 3. Even the cop said did you notify her. i said yeah, all through email. He was understanding and said things come up. While she was right in front of her, he told her I would be there at 5:30. This is just one of many examples of what I deal with, with her, that I don't share on here. Then gf was like, now whats going to happen? Are you going to have to go back to court? Are you in trouble? I explained no, its more for a record. But you see how this can stress my gf. I would think any other person would be understanding, but my ex isn't and just likes to cause problems.
So this is classic Wolf victim stuff that you are not painting a clear picture. So let me comment through your Exw's eyes. So if this was one time thing I am guessing there would be some understanding buuutttttt.......
It's been 3 plus fuching years and you don't know the drop off time yet??????? I have plans to do something with him at 3:30. I want him here at 3:30. I don't give a fuch if you forgot to keep the car seat at your house go buy another one. I am sick of this $hit and am going to file a report to the police until you are able to follow the simple rules laid out in the divorce agreement.
And you are gonna come back and tell me that I am wrong....
Then I am gonna come back and point out how my perception of you isn't wrong...
Then you will come back and say "fair point", then argue that I am once again wrong, even though you admitted that there could be truth in it....
(Hey, kinda like your relationship huh ? )
So can we skip that, and go to the part where you start to see how your actions and behaviors have lead you to this point, and things can start getting better ???
Cause I told you that this would happen.... ^^^^
And it reads as if it is just another trick in your bag to manipulate the situation...
Words are only words until the actions match....
So, if you are serious...
Why do you feel the need to be "right" ???
What would that look like to your partner when you feel compelled to be "right" ???
What behavioral patterns does that also facilitate ??
Superiority ??
Judgment ??
Argumentative ??
Condescending ??
Who wouldn't want a relationship with that ???
You tell me....
Are you a person that YOU would want to be in a relationship with ??
I don’t know why I need to feel right. I guess I want to feel heard, that I can make the right decision. Growing up I guess my mom always told us what to do and we never had any say. That’s all I can think of. I just hate being wrong. It feels like a loss, and I don’t like to lose. To my partner it probably looks argumentative. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where someone always wants to be right. Gf says that to me too. I always want to be right. Ugh. Mach you are good. How do I fix that. I guess what I am asking, if there is a situation where I feel I am right how do I stop myself from arguing? I do explain my point of view? Ugh I feel so lost today.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
LH I AM NOT PLAYING THE VICTIM. I am explaining the situation. Certain days in our divorce decree are not set in stone. These are times that we negotiate. This was one of those days. Also, certain things in our divorce decree overlap. So, we have to negotiate. Example Father’s Day it just day with the dad. Nothing about what time I get him or drop him off. Same with Mother’s Day. Also with extended vacations. Does that help? Forth of July is another. Got into an argument with her about the times for that too. One year it says 4th of July with mom next year with father no start or end times. Does this make sense?
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Certain days in our divorce decree are not set in stone. These are times that we negotiate. This was one of those days. Also, certain things in our divorce decree overlap. So, we have to negotiate.
So what was so special about this day that it is not set in stone? So if this is a day you negotiated than why didn't you just say " I negotiated 8:00 pm so that is when I will drop him off.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Does this make sense?
It makes zero sense. You two are like children so it makes more sense to go back into court and get a more strict agreement with zero room for negotiation or misinterpidation.
I don’t know why I need to feel right. I guess I want to feel heard, that I can make the right decision. Growing up I guess my mom always told us what to do and we never had any say. That’s all I can think of. I just hate being wrong.
Lot of 'guesses' up there ^^
If mining guesses was profitable, you could be rich..
Guessing got you here....It won't get you out...
Originally Posted by Wolfman
It feels like a loss, and I don’t like to lose. To my partner it probably looks argumentative. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where someone always wants to be right. Gf says that to me too. I always want to be right.
Why ??
Those are the hard questions that can promote growth...
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Ugh. Mach you are good.
Nice try....lol
I'm not your girlfriend, Mama, or Kindercare instructor.
However, I will help be your support, as long as you participate too...
: )
Originally Posted by Wolfman
How do I fix that. I guess what I am asking, if there is a situation where I feel I am right how do I stop myself from arguing? I do explain my point of view? Ugh I feel so lost today.
Maybe start by answering some of those ^^^ hard questions about yourself....
