"good luck with that because I'm gonna have a great life regardless" mindset you need right now.
I am seeing this more clearly.
“ make sure you're not reading too much into things and/or projecting your hopes onto her actions, and B) like Mach and LH say...you're better off spending your time focusing on yourself than worrying about her.”
Ok yes
Make sure you're not discussing details with your kids and certainly not encouraging them to pressure her on your behalf. They're going to figure out what's up on their own without your help, and your W won't appreciate you recruiting them to your cause
And then go and have a great time doing ANYTHING other than listening to her BS.
You have to work on prioritising things which make you happy. Sitting around listening to her moan about her crappy choices is not going to make you happy. It’s just going to make you sad, anxious and depressed.
Plus, once you’re a happy, confident man… she may not want to leave so much.
Just went out and took salsa dancing lessons. Was that ever a blast. As I was walking home had a big grin on my face. So many friendly and happy people.
Noticed lots of texts from W. Maybe respond tomorrow. Or she can text again.
Just went out and took salsa dancing lessons. Was that ever a blast. As I was walking home had a big grin on my face. So many friendly and happy people.
Noticed lots of texts from W. Maybe respond tomorrow. Or she can text again.
Smile
Your best update yet!
This is the way forward! Don’t tell her about Salsa, don’t put it in her face, don’t try and make her jealous… Remember, you are doing this for you. Who could care less what she thinks.
Just start planning tomorrow’s adventure!
What about a trip to a museum? A wine tasting trip? A day hiking? Go to your local library, get a recipe book and make something new - and eat it all yourself! Ride a bike, or think of something you’ve spent years putting off and get it done tomorrow.
Life is there to be lived. Put that feeling you had post-Salsa dancing in your memory bank. You want that feeling again!
Continuing to have a blast. Went out in a new city last couple days, hung out with good friends, met lots of fun people enjoyed culture, good food, lots of walks and swimming and didn’t tell W about any of it.
Heading home now. Will be getting work done of the house. Continuing with therapy, solid friends and kids and fun.
Working through anxiety and pain. Having clarity and conviction.
1. GAL surfing hockey tennis working out pub nights salsa lessons museums library learning to cook more delicious meals with nutritional value church good friendships
2. Giving lots of time and space to W. Not initiating contact unless necessary and even so waiting if it doesn’t have to be now . Being less available. Cutting short time together to do things for myself. Not being needy around her or in conversation with her. Working from a place of power while also recognizing her power and that I control me.
3. Taking care of myself. Working on our house because it’s important to me. Going to therapy. Doing the homework. Working on my sleep and addressing health issues with my doctor. Addressing and investing in important relationships like my parents and my siblings and our kids.Investing in solid friends that are good for me but I’m also being good for them. There have been times where I really needed them in the last while and I still do but some of those times have been me taking a lot and that’s OK but it feels really good to be able to give. Being financially responsible.
This stuff is not easy! But vital!
Since I’ve been trying to make these changes more and even though it’s a relatively short period of time that I have been receiving the feedback from this group I do notice changes in myself and in the dynamic relating to W.
